Tuesday, February 21, 2012 :::
'cause every time I hear that song...
it reminded me of a guy I went on a few dates with back in high school.
BoB and I were in the middle of one of our infamous lovers' spats.
this fellow had a pager, and BoB & I already had cell phones.
I'd paged him earlier that evening, but he was a the local military academy and would have to sneak off and borrow someone's phone to call me. I got tired of waiting, and decided to go to bed.
I changed my voicemail greeting to say something to that effect.
the next morning I had a voicemail waiting for me.
BoB had called during the night, and his message...
... after all these years I still remember the first line, and the way he sounded when he said it, and the way it made my heart break.
it was only a few seconds long,
but his voice...
I dunno. y'all.
"well I guess that message wasn't for me....'
he mumbled a few more lines (or maybe I just remember it that way) and that was it.
naturally, we worked things out.
this next event,
well I don't remember if it was before or after the message.
but we'd been split up for several months, and I was walking down the corridor of our local mall.
I saw him coming down the same corridor, but on the other side of all the kiosks that litter the center of mall corridors.
like a coward I avoided eye contact and pretended I didn't see him.
he saw me, paused, and then continued walking.
we were almost directly across from each other, with me still avoiding eye contact...
and he cut across the kiosk alley
"I don't know how you feel about this, but I will regret it if I don't do this."
and he hugged me.
naturally, we worked things out.
it is interesting to me, that while I was busy avoiding eye contact, at the ripe old age of 17 he swallowed his pride and walked up to me and put his arms around me.
we both always knew we'd work things out.
I gave so much of myself to him.
he took so much of myself from me.
I don't know which is more true.
I said once, that the love I felt for my david was "fierce and consuming, empowering and complete"
hollow words from a little girl who didn't know any better.
they say you never forget your first love, and I know I will never forget BoB.
everyone gives the twilight books so much shit for lots of reasons, but one in particular - because, at some point, when bella & edward split up, the book has several blank pages with only months to label them.
I remember being part of something so symbiotic that even when we weren't "together" we were never really apart.
I remember nights when I didn't know if the sun would really come up the next day.
and even through the uncertainty, the only thing that I knew was that we would eventually work things out.
love conquers all, or so we both believed back then.
things with BoB were a bonfire, bright and severe... and even long after the fire has dwindled the embers are still hot enough to reignite, given the chance.
things with my david were small and convenient... a candle in a dark room... even after it is extinguished the smell lingers, an unwelcome reminder of the small flame.
things with budd were like a lightbulb. predictable and dependable. at the cost of a natural flame, the artificial light is stable and familiar.
things with milkdud.... are currently unquantifiable. it is too soon to tell how bright this particular light will be. or when it will burn out.
I find myself hoping it lasts forever.
::: posted by tinafish at 9:24 PM :::
Saturday, February 18, 2012 :::
I don't know if I will take two classes a semester again, at least not while working full time.
::: posted by tinafish at 5:25 PM :::
Friday, February 17, 2012 :::
with the pic below:
if you can't read it, it says "I am Lofruitus of Borg. You will be assimilated... by my LOOOVE"
I got a real rise out of that ^_^
::: posted by tinafish at 11:08 PM :::
Monday, February 13, 2012 :::
I suddenly have a want to touch his arm. to feel his skin.
I smile, and realize I am that girl I make fun of.
texting him, my phone auto-corrects "omw" to "I'm a fag."
I smirk.
several months ago my boss fucked with my keyboard shortcuts.
I still laugh at them.
I groan.
menstrual cramps.
a welcome feeling after a pregnancy scare.
I smile.
I receive his, "gogo" as I unlock my truck.
I smile, think about touching his arm, and shake my head at myself.
::: posted by tinafish at 11:03 PM :::
Thursday, February 02, 2012 :::
and I can make all your demons be gone
but we all know how much I love to bitch
~_^
::: posted by tinafish at 7:47 PM :::
Sunday, January 01, 2012 :::
the whole experience was really relaxed, and there was no 20-questions session.
he's big on hockey, and the stars happened to be playing while we were in town.
so we took a train (!! I'd always wanted to ride a train - not exactly what I was hoping for, though.. more like riding a bus, imo) to the game, and I had a surprisingly good time.
pic below, of the brisket nachos we had there.
seriously, if you're ever at the american airlines center for a sporting event, you should try the brisket nachos.
YUM!
and the stars won! that was a nice bonus.
as for the game itself, it was a lot more graceful than I'd expected.
and really fast paced.
pretty much my only experience with hockey is watching The Mighty Ducks when I was a kid, so I was kinda lost, but he didn't seem to get annoyed by my questions.
our hotel was terrible, though.
I had to do a couple of installs during the day, before we headed to dallas, so by the time we got there it was late and I was tired and sore and all sorts of cranky.
and we pull into the hotel and it looks kinda shifty on the outside.
whatever, right? all we want is to go to bed.
he checks us in and we grab our bags... we stagger in, drop our bags, and he goes over to turn the air condition on.
nothing.
on any setting.
we head back to the front desk... chick apologizes, and "upgrades" us to a room with a king bed.
we exchange glances with each other, but whatever, right?
he opens the door to the new room and....
there are cups on the counter and in the sink, and towels on the floor...
seriously, this happened.
we laugh a bit and then head back to the front desk again... chick apologizes and walks us to our newer new room.
this one is clean and air condition works.
we finally fall into bed, and fuck wakeup calls.
lol
long story short, never stay at the extended stay at greenville and 635.
aside from the crap hotel and the soreness (from the installs) I had a really great time.
he loved the pillow case [hey! stockings are expensive!] full of ebola that no one else really understood (read the hot zone if you ever get the chance), and the bacon tuxedo box filled with tshirts was a hit as well.
he made us dinner two nights ago.
hibachi steak, shrimp, scallops, and fried rice.
pic below.
this dude is great.
I've really enjoyed the winter break, and I'm not looking forward to the new semester.
I'll be seeing significantly less of him, both for lunch and after work.
he seems confident we'll manage, but I bet we're both gonna get pretty stressed out before the semester is over.
and then summer, with class every day.
I dunno if I'm gonna take anything during the summer, or if I even can, with my work schedule.
we'll see.
for now, happy new year!
oh and pics!
brisket nachos:
dinner:
::: posted by tinafish at 3:24 PM :::