Tuesday, September 23, 2003 :::

another chapter closed

I talked to my ex, BoB, last night. Apparently he's getting married. I feel differently than I thought I would. I'm not upset, or jealous, or angry... I'm happy for him. When I first moved up here all I could think about was him. Over the last 2 years I dated around and learned a lot about myself. I like to think that I'm a different person now than I was when he and I were dating. And I'm sorry that I didn't know all the things I know now back when he and I were together. I do hope that he's doing this to be happy, and not to see what kind of response he'd get from me. When I was younger I was mean, and jealous... and he let me. He put up with everything... which is amazing, honestly. If David thinks I can be difficult he should have known me when I was in high school. lol.
As I lay in bed last night I couldn't get to sleep straight away. I stared at the ceiling and thought about this. I guess somewhere along the line, I got my closure from BoB. I had been really concerned 'cause a close friend of mine asked me to be in her wedding... and I was afraid to go back to the Valley. BoB and I were together for a long time... it'd be difficult to go back there and face everyone, and everything, I left behind. My old stomping ground, ya know?
BoB was a huge part of my life for so many years...
And David? David's my life now. From the moment I met him I knew that he was the one. lol. He still doesn't believe me when I tell him this.
A couple of weeks ago he and I had a sort of "disagreement." You see... I tell him I love him all the time. And I do, ya know? Which is really odd, if you know anything about me. When BoB and I were dating BoB had to practically pull my teeth to get me to say that. And with David I just kind of spit it out all the time... daily, or more. So I was concerned about that. Why do I keep telling David that I love him? I mean, who am I trying to convince? Him? or Me?
That concept bothered me loads. At this point all I know is that I do love him. I've still not had the nerve to meet his mom, though. I'm scared outta my mind that she's gonna hate me. She's gone by his apt before and seen some of the things I've put up... so I don't think she's real impressed. I soo want to make a good impression, though. David's an only child and I know that if I jack things up there it'll be BoB's mom all over again, only infinitely worse.
I dunno... just feels like another chapter has closed in my "Book of Life." Guess we'll see what this next chapter's all about.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:24 PM :::