Thursday, January 22, 2004 :::
This happened back... oh... maybe a week ago? maybe longer?
I'm not sure how his friends would feel if I used their names, so I'm gonna call them Friend 1 and Friend 2, or F1 & F2.
I was already upset... I'm not sure if I was mad at david or my sister or my situation or what, but I was already in a bad mood. I think it was my sister, 'cause I was trying to give squishy a bath but she didn't want him in our tub. So I called David to ask if I could bathe Squishy over here. He mentions that he and some of his friends are gonna rent a movie, and asks if I want to stay. I said no.
I end up coming over, and when I get here two of his friends, F1 & F2 were here. Now I like both of them a lot, and I do try and be hospitable to david's friends.
It's kinda awkward 'cause david could tell I was mad, but we have to play nice in front of company. He asks if I'd like any movie in particular, and since I'd been wanting to wath The Hulk I ask him to rent it.
Flashback: Now see... I'm not much for the whole american pie humor. I don't like it at all, honestly. And I don't like austin powers... I don't like jim carrey... I don't like eddie murphy's "humor."
When American Wedding was released in theatres david wanted to go see it. I told him to go with his friends 'cause that's not the kind of thing I enjoy watching. I explained how I don't think that type of humor is funny, and that lots of times I can get offended with the material or the way it's being presented. So we didn't go.
Back to story: He comes back with American Wedding. Now I can understand that maybe since F2 had seen it in theatres and F1 and david both hadn't... I can see how they'd rent that. And that's fine, ya know? Just not something I wanted to watch. So I try leaving.
"blah blah blah," he says. So I stay. How bad can it be, right? It's rated R, not NC 17.
Well. It starts out bad enough. And it continues with that same sexual humor. I watched up to the scene with the two strippers scampering around topless.
I may have been able to handle the movie if it was just david and me, but F1 and F2 were both there. It seems I heard my mother's voice echo in my head, and for once I agreed with her. This is not the sort of thing you watch with people if you want them to respect you. Growing up, I didn't allow people to curse around me. True, I can't stop anyone, but I can leave. And that's what I ended up doing.
I got up, grabbed my computer, and went to david's bedroom with the dogs. I was fuming. I ended up watching Finding Nemo.
David didn't come in 'till much later, I guess whenever the girls finally put their tops on again.
And he says ~I'm~ being rude?
WTF?
That I should be out there watching the movie. That I've probably offended F1 & F2.
I stay in the bedroom watching Finding Nemo with the dogs till the movie's over. At some point David messaged me asking what I was doing. How nice of him to take the time to IM me when he's only in the next room.
I didn't want to make a big scene, so after the guys leave I walk around the apt picking up things I'll need. After I've grabbed all the stuff I can carry I tell him I'm going home and to lock the door behind me. Things escalate to the point where I'm telling him we need a break. And it's true, all this because of some movie.
Anyway. We both say stuff, and the fight is over. I come back inside and things are fine.
Only, they're not really fine. Apparently this is still bothering me. A lot. I've been less patient with him; quick to anger. I don't know what's going on, or why I'm reacting this way.
I know I have issues with my body. I ~know~ I'm not the greatest looking girl out there. And honestly, I'm afraid he will find someone who he finds more attractive than me. I have this fear that one of these days he'll meet someone who's more... compatible... with him than I am.
It just feels like I have nothing going for me in life... and like I'm wasting his time.
::: posted by tinafish at 4:16 AM :::