Monday, January 26, 2004 :::
Like the one I had tonight.
I was dreaming about an old friend of mine - someone I grew up with. And someone I was engaged to. It was absurd - something along the lines of LXG. I don't even know what the connection btwn him and that movie could be.
I haven't heard much from him since he got sent to iraq. I'm sure he's fine, though. I've been meaning to give his parents a call, to see if they've heard how he's doing and all, only... what would I say?
"Mrs. (Last Name)? Hi, this is Tina. I was just wondering if you've heard from (His Name) in the last few months. I haven't heard much from him since he got deployed."
She'll probably ask about the whole engagement... and why it fell through.
I'm not sure what to say to that. Tell her to ask him? That's awful rude. Only I don't know exactly what to tell her. A lot that happened back then... well...
I just don't know.
Seems lately I've been dreaming a lot about those guys. Well, not all of them, and not a lot. Just a couple of nights ago I had a dream about the one I met in high school.
In that dream, he called to tell me he's getting married, and he wants the ring he gave me back. That it was the ring his father gave his mother.
Maybe I'm just feeling guilty? Just because he asked me to keep the ring doesn't mean I should. It means a lot to his family, and most to his parents.
I'm not sure what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me.
Or maybe it's just the Taco Bell I had for dinner?
lol.
Seriously, though. It's not like I'm boinking anyone in these dreams, but I still feel like I'm betraying David.
We had this discussion today, about why he doesn't read my blog. He said he's afraid of what he might find in here. That it's like a diary. And it is, it really is. That's why I still have that javascript error that everyone who visits regularly hates so much.
Ever since Joe and I stopped talking to each other, I've felt like I'm unable to really trust anyone. With what's happened lately you could say that my feelings have doubled. It's so much easier to just spill my secrets into cyberspace than it is to confide in a single person.
Not to say I don't have friends, because I do. And I value them more now than ever. Only this stuff is a bit deep to lay on someone who I just play video games with.
And David. He's such a great guy. I don't know what I'd do without him. So what am I doing dreaming about people I don't hardly talk to anymore? Why aren't I dreaming about him?
Maybe because I see him everyday?
Maybe because he's there when I'm awake.
And that's what really matters, no?
::: posted by tinafish at 4:22 AM :::