Thursday, May 13, 2004 :::

is there really anthing between us?
 

David passed physics... he IMed me to let me know. He called his mother.
He said we'd go to petsmart, to buy stuff for the dogs. And we'd stop by a grocery store and buy banana pudding. He went to his friends house after work for a couple of hours.
We went out to dinner with his friends. He made a complete ass of himself - cursing at the table, they were all so loud and rowdy. They called each other on the phone while sitting at the table, saying all sorts of things.
When dinner was over, I thought we'd finally get some time for ourselves. He and his friends stood outside the restaurant talking for at least half an hour.
We didn't talk on the way home.
I went to bed, and he didn't even say goodnight.


I'm a very high maintenance girlfriend. I like to be spoiled with attention - the object of his desire.
For the last 6 semesters I have taken a back seat to physics. The ever popular physics. I was going to end things btwn us if he did not pass physics. I can not keep getting micro-managed away.
He said things would be different once physics was over.
The only thing different is now it's not gonna be physics. It's gonna be some other bull shit reason to not spend time with me. So maybe it was never physics. Maybe all this time it's been me.
I will not keep dealing with this.
This is not the way I want to be treated.

The couple that just got married, they were having dinner with us.
I want to be in a relationship like that.
I want to be doted on, to be hugged in public. I want everyone in the room to know he loves me. I want our friends to be disgusted with how affectionate we are. Not all the time, but once in a lifetime would be nice.
I don't even know when the last time david told me he loves me was.

He said after his physics final he had to blow off some steam. So he walked around tech for an hour and a half. Then he wanted to relax so he went to a party.
He didn't share that experience with me. I guess he won't come to me if he needs to blow off some steam, or if he wants to relax.
So then what good am I to him? He does not confide in me, he does not talk to me... it's like he does not trust me.

Now I'm back to wondering... What the hell are we doing together?

::: posted by tinafish at 10:00 AM :::