Saturday, May 08, 2004 :::
I'm gonna talk a bit about it.
I've changed my mind - I've just told david about it, and now he's concerned about me. He's wondering if I have anything that's tearing me up inside.
And I do. I always do.
I try to give people the impression that he and I have this wonderful relationship that's gonna last forever. We have a pretty good relationship, but I'm not sure if it's gonna last forever. I mean, even if we manage to make it through this time in both our lives, I'm fairly certain he'll never want to do the whole peace corps thing. And that's something I really wanna do - that I wanted us to do together.
We were talking about this again last night at the movie theatre, while waiting for Van Helsing to start. He said something that kinda hurt my feelings; that I wasn't gonna get a diamond from him.
Is it just me, or does that sound like he's saying he'll never actually propose?
Anyway... I took that to be kind of a slap in the face. I mean... what the hell are we doing then, if we're not ever gonna get married? And what's so wrong with me that he doesn't want to marry me?
I'm not saying I want to get married now. I won't marry anyone until I've got a degree, that way if things go to hell I won't think twice about leaving.
I guess that's just not what I wanted to hear. Makes me wonder if he's been hinting at it lately - if I'm just been too involved to notice. It's been a long time since my birthday.
::: posted by tinafish at 12:37 PM :::