Thursday, October 28, 2004 :::

since I'm able to post again...
 

I was going through the comics (the ones on the right that I don't get paid to link to but I still think are cool and if you read this blog I think you'd enjoy them) and reached little gamers. Naku goes into a rant, and I just thought I'd c&v a bit of it here.
It's not like the president has all that much to do with everything that happens *cough.. congress.. supreme court.. cough* He's just the one that sits and smiles in front of the camera and takes the heat when stuff goes wrong and takes the credit when stuff goes right. He's like Lambchop but not fuzzy or cute.. someone has their hand up his ass and throwing their voice to make it seem like he's talking. Jesus that's an analogy and a half isn't it hah!
So yeah... I find that about sums up how I feel about the election.
And guys... ~please~ stop sending me those fwds that are decidedly election-based.
*sigh*
no offense... but come on... voting is anonymous for a reason, ya'll.

*yawn*
gawd I'm lazy.
I had a pretty tough night last night. I saw david yesterday... he was on his way to work, and I drive past his building on my way to work...
He's still got that haircut that makes him look like an escaped convict.
Last email he sent me he said he's been under a lot of stress.
I know I wasn't happy most of the time... not there near the end... but he's a great guy... and didn't deserve any of this.

I seem to be some kind of plague... that only afflicts those I really care about.
The Ex... guess I can't call him that anymore, since now there are 2 ex's.
BoB is still not wanting to talk to me again. He says I'm just making really bad choices. And he's right.

Did I tell ya'll I dropped all my classes this sem?
I mean... I know it's a cop out, and I know I could've managed... well... yeah, I would've managed.
But w/ david & I breaking up, and then that 3 week binge I went on, the living in hotels 'till finally I got this apt, and then the whole no insurance and having bronchitis... and I almost forgot how just me being here managed to send things to hell btwn dan & his chick.
*sigh*
I guess the hardest thing is still the break up.
I still find it hard to concentrate.
And I find myself waking up and looking for him... when he's not there I wonder how long ago he left, and why he didn't tuck me back in (I especially miss him tucking me in and calling me his little burrito).
Then comes the crushing feeling when I remember he didn't leave... I remember it's been a month since he's been there.
My heart hurts for him.
And I cry.

In the same breath, Doke's been really good to me, he really has... and I feel this whole thing isn't fair to him.
He asked me last night why I'm with him. He said something like, "If you miss david so much why don't you talk to him?"
And that really hit home. The whole reason I went on that 3 week binge, and the only reason I still drink/smoke, is to try to forget that he & I aren't together anymore.
He's still the person I think of when I go to sleep.
If I still prayed, he'd be in them.

I've lost so much from all this. Not only the one I love, but also myself. I've lost who I am, and I lost my faith.
Dunno if anyone even notices the songs I put on here (up in the right hand corner - white text on purple), but that's how I feel.
For a long time it had lyrics from The Great Below, then My Happy Ending, followed by Just like a Pill... then back to The Great Below, and then for a good run it was Drowning Pool's Sermon.... and now that's At the End, by 16 volt.
*sigh*

I'm tired.
drained.
I need to work out.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:14 PM :::