Wednesday, February 02, 2005 :::
I'm gonna get completely sloshed.
*sigh*
every. monday. this. month.
except the last.
so not ~every~ monday, eh?
I've stagnated... I'm not even too into the life I'm living now.
I feel like I'm too old to still be jacking around.
and my priorities are completely fucked now.
I don't really care about anything anymore.
and I'm too afraid to let myself care about anyone.
I thought about acquiring a guy for the holiday.
and dropping him as soon as the day passed.
or when it suited me.
I've decided not to.
wouldn't be fair, ya know?
not to the guy...
and not to me.
when all this first happened I was kinda angry at nicc...
but it's not all his fault, so I can't blame him.
all 4 of us were involved... and I made some shit decisions all on my own.
if any one of us had taken the time to just talk things through...
*shrug*
who knows how things could have turned out?
heh.
but we all know how things did turn out.
no use playing what-if at this point.
*sigh*
I saw BoB log on yesterday.
I closed my computer and walked away.
well, not literally walked away, but I made that choice - not to sit there and freak out.
I was thinking this morning of all the reasons I have to legitimize my wasted life to the world.
in the end...
in the end... all of it is just my life.
how I've grown up and all I've dealt with...
I'm still here. and it's still my life.
I can't blame other people for what I've done to myself.
and you can't regret anything you learn from.
maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:26 PM :::