Monday, May 16, 2005 :::
... to see if I still feel ...
guess I shouldn't say I lost 'em, since really it's just one sided.
slave and I don't talk anymore.
it seemed like the whole thing with nicc would have replayed.
it's not so much that I'm worried about wrecking his marriage, 'cause really... I don't care. if the rltnship is weak enough to allow for temptation, then it's already doomed.
I miss nicc. he was an awesome guy, and I really felt he understood me. he'd call to wake me up, and we'd chat everyday... heh - maybe he was just feeding me what I wanted to hear... I dunno.
I wish them both the best.
really I guess that's the whole "sour grapes" bit coming out.
I'm being honest when I say that I do wish them the best... 'cause I really do. just a big part of me still wishes he'd have left his wife. not necessarily for me (I wouldn't have objected to a meeting, though) but for himself.
I've started praying again. I used to pray for him (wow that sounds cliche) to have the strength to do what is best for both of them... not just what's easiest.
it's not my place to start airing his dirty laundry about... just...
me & david splitting up was not easy at all, and it's true most days I was suicidal and felt so alone... but it really needed to happen.
neither he nor I were... happy.
and I miss him loads, but it's better for both of us this way.
I dunno why I'm talking about all this.
guess I really miss nicc.
best friends, particularly one that understands and can relate, are hard to find.
if you've got someone to lean on, don't throw 'em out.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:46 PM :::