Tuesday, April 04, 2006 :::
drink some beer and watch naruto
/me sigh
I'm buying a firearm from adrian.
not a gun.
he needs cash and he loves that thing
so I thought I'd be nice and buy it from him,
hang on to it 'till he can buy it back from me...
and then, well, I'd give it back to him.
not what's happening.
not near what's happening.
and I'm not sure when this went from me-trying-to-be-nice to him-being-an-ass.
I mean, when it comes down to it, he did dump me.
not saying it wasn't mutual, but he did pull the trigger (keeping w/ the
don't get me wrong - I didn't offer to buy it from him to prolong our rltnship.
I know full well that he's liable to cut me out of his life... and there's nothing I can do about that.
but I was doing this because I thought he'd want it. but from the emails we've exchanged (no phone calls) he sounds... irrate. like this is a big hassle for him.
or something. I dunno.
it's like he's got that tone that mike always uses when he says "oh tina you're so pretty," meaning I just did (or that I'm fixing to do) something stupid.
I've got these loyalties...
and I don't trust often.
but sugar lips... I've got this implicit trust...
and I want him to like me.
a while back he expressed some disdain for my dating habits.
and it hurt my feelings.
I'm not sure why... 'course I'm not sure why I trust him, either.
when it comes down to it he's just some guy I used to know back about 10 years ago.
I think... maybe it's because he liked me... back when it was insulting to say that someone liked me... "ew! you like tina?"
and he did. we were kids in junior high and he gave me a necklace that meant a lot to him...
and I want him to like me. I want him to feel like he wasn't wrong?
that I'm still that same kid with the big glasses and bad hair?
he said he feels like I'm the one who got away. truth be told he was my unicorn too.
I don't think, after all this time, that anything would really come of it... but I do still want him to like me.
I've kept little things, all these years... the 27 in my screennames... it's 'cause his birthday is the day before mine... august 27th. I've still got a folder full of those little notes you write in grade school... the one where he called me sugar lips...
I don't know what I'm saying.
I had this weird dream last night...
about an emoticon serial killer.
everyone was an emoticon...
we all were.
ugh! I need to get out more
::: posted by tinafish at 12:50 PM :::