Thursday, April 28, 2011 :::

ohhhhhhhhhh we're halfway theeeere

seems all my posts are useless lately.
I've got a few minutes before I need to head to work, and I'm trying to think of something witty to say, but mostly I just wanna *gurgle*

budd called me a stalker yesterday.
I'm pretty amused since I'd been calling myself a stalker too, only... really, I do work right down the street from the apt and we literally drive down a road about 30 feet from the apartment almost every day during our lunch break.

I'm still incredibly fond of the guys I work with.
the job itself is.... daunting.
I used to rag on budd as being just glorified tech support (when he worked for a competitor) but I hadn't realized how accurate a description that is. we handle anything and everything that's wrong with almost any electronic device. I would not be surprised if I got a ticket in for someone's tv not working properly.
I spend more time on google than I ever thought possible.
I'm interested in whether or not they'll keep me.

particularly because I'd planned on going back to school this summer.
with the new SO, though... mostly I just wanna lounge around with him.
this working days thing is for the birds.
I think I may just keep working for a while until I can pay off my school loans completely and then take it from there, but it'd ~really~ be nice to not continue stagnating.

I've been trying to read more.
it's not really going too well.
last week I read women and left hand of darkness, but this week I've only started on the hobbit.
in my defense, I've had a couple of bad nights this week.....
not really a defense, but it is difficult to concentrate sometimes.

and on that bombshell,
off to work!

::: posted by tinafish at 7:27 AM :::

Sunday, April 24, 2011 :::


My gut began to twitch and roll. I felt ill, useless, sad. I was in love with her.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:46 AM :::

Friday, April 22, 2011 :::

wb wb

welcome back internets, how I have missed you...

disclaimer: I stand beside my original statement that I would be fine without an internet connection. just that it's still a bad time for me to be stranded, ya know?

::: posted by tinafish at 8:11 PM :::

Sunday, April 17, 2011 :::

remember how I'm always saying I can't be trusted?

though I may have the perfect guy 500 miles away,
there's something to be said for the OK guy on the stool next to me.

and if I don't go out then I always end up sitting in the dark crying over budd.

I don't think this would even be an issue if I had an internet connection at home.

now there's not enough whiskey in the world to make me burn a bridge I wouldn't burn sober,
but I wish my loyalties weren't always so fucked up.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:56 AM :::

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 :::

time's up

it's been a month now, and I really need to quit my shit.
I drove home drunk last night.
if I can't drink responsibly, then no more drinking for me!

so that's that.
I'm not totally swearing it off, just none of it if I'm going to have to drive within 12 hours.
because I stayed trashed through a 2 hour movie. and eating didn't help. I didn't drive to the theatre, but I thought I'd be sober enough after the movie to drive home.
so since I'm a lightweight, I'm gonna start acting like one.

**edit: no more shots. girly drinks ahoy!

::: posted by tinafish at 5:52 PM :::

Sunday, April 03, 2011 :::

dunno why I subscribe to r/happy

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
- Elie Wiesel

::: posted by tinafish at 7:59 PM :::

but I appreciate the gesture

this past week was one of the longest weeks of my life....
but not really in a bad way :)
I really like the guys I work with, and think they could all be my friends.
and that's super exciting since I've spent the last year with almost no one to talk to (I don't recommend working at home to anyone because of this).
but I'm spending sooooo much money! we go out for lunch every day and then have been going out after work for drinks...
it's great fun, though.
but ugh @ having to wake up at a certain time. being unemployed was so convenient!

so, yes. I've been going out a lot lately.
I met up with a previous coworker on friday.
I think it's kind of amusing how even guys with beer goggles on don't say they wanna fuck me 'cause they're physically attracted to me, but because I'm so much fun to hang out with and have such an awesome personality.
ok, so, I'm not ~actually~ amused. I'm kinda upset about it.
I keep coming back to it over the last couple of days. I can appreciate that a chick may not want to hear that someone wants to fuck her because she's hot... but really? was there a memo sent out or something? from two different guys on the same night?
and I dunno if it's just a pity fuck or what, but a surprising number of guys I know are willing to "console" me after my break up, if you know what I mean.
that's ~kind~ of flattering, only...
one of the guys at work brought up how (in a completely unrelated-to-me conversation, just I'm focusing on retarded things right now and I can't really help it) being told someone wants to fuck you isn't a compliment, since you're just a fuck and not good enough to date.

in the same vein, I've actually had a couple of offers.
like, dating offers.
I'm surprised because after being with budd for so long I hadn't bothered to maintain any ambiguous relationships.
I'm still half convinced he's trolling me, but the one I chose has potential. huge potential. it'll be either great or end terribly.
nothing official for a while longer, but I don't think I'm gonna change my mind. really I'm expecting him to change his mind - it's like we're playing chicken and waiting to see which one of us will swerve.
it's a pretty big change of his role in my life, and I'm not sure he fully understands that.
I really didn't see it coming, and even looking back with 20/20 hindsight I still don't really see it coming.
nothing I love more than a game of chicken.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:38 PM :::