Thursday, September 30, 2004 :::

pecans in the cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy, Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate.
Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.

Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the boy on the bike.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:15 PM :::

Wednesday, September 29, 2004 :::

little gamers from yesterday

thought that was really funny...

::: posted by tinafish at 7:11 PM :::

/me yawns

I am ~so~ tired!
After work I stopped by my friend MeterMan's house for a bit, then went over to Topher's apt w/ my new d00d.
/me sighs
so like... I think I've been using adium for too long - now I'm typing "/me yawns" instead of "*yawn*" so I dunno.

la tee da.
I have to work on Saturday!

And I've got a math test tomorrow and I ~still~ haven't done that joke essay.

So anyway...

::: posted by tinafish at 5:21 PM :::

Tuesday, September 28, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

aaron's scaly feet!


::: posted by tinafish at 7:49 PM :::

Monday, September 27, 2004 :::

fun fun fun

so like... fun stuff.
I spent friday and saturday nights at hotels...

this d00d I work with has been having these massive nose bleeds. Suddenly I don't feel so bad about bleeding all over myself whenever I get nosebleeds.

And I skipped school all week... well... at the time I hadn't been planning on going back. My plan was to just drop out of school and fly a kite for a while.
So anyway... back to me skipping school. I had an essay due yesterday that I haven't even started on. Plus I have 2 tests tomorrow.

And whenever I got home this morning... I was like... "I'm gonna shower and then start working on my paper."
But like... the concept of actually starting on my homework was a bit... overwhelming.
So I took a nap.

So now I've rented another room, 'cause the whole dial up thing gets old ~real~ fast. Well that didn't make any sense. I rented a room at a hotel that has broadband.
awesomeness, huh.

So anyway.....

::: posted by tinafish at 7:01 PM :::

Friday, September 24, 2004 :::

man I got messed up last night...

but I had a really great time, for the most part.
and I finally um... slept.

I was going through my hotmail inbox... found this:
Squishy Vid

::: posted by tinafish at 7:02 PM :::

Thursday, September 23, 2004 :::

so I've got a new plan...

I'm gonna drop out of school. who needs it anyway, right?
I certainly can't deal with it right now.
I've been having enough trouble just focusing my eyes to drive, so I can't hardly read anything anymore.

I had a bit of a breakdown at work tonight. I started freaking out and crying and such. Not a good thing.
I was gonna go home early but I couldn't fix the problem of the last call I was on... so by the time I hung up it was time to leave.

I went to another bar tonight - right by the bowling alley we used to go to.
I hate bowling.

I bought a book today... called... "He's just not that into you."

I miss him. I've been reading my archives... and you know... I really miss him.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:31 AM :::

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 :::

more ovaltine please!

I went to a bar tonight... this place called Cafe J's... met up with a girl I used to work with at the hospital, since her husband plays at the place.
So it was me, Lus, Terrie, and DG.
Fun stuff.

I finally had a chocolate martini.
It was ~way~ too strong for me. I had a few sips, then asked Eric (the bartender) for a shot of milk to add into it.
A few more sips and then I asked Eric to shake it again with more milk.
He laughed at me - saying I turned it into just a milkshake.
Gimme a break - I'm still fairly new to this.

Terrie had this long talk with me... saying I'm doing this for the wrong reasons.
if I had a nickel for every time someone's said that to me since I started doing it.
*shaking head*

Props to Lus, for calling in a favor and getting me a room at a holiday inn for ~ $30.
*high five*
thanks d00d!

also I've gotta give props to BoB. He spent ~ 3 or 4 hours on the phone with me last night... when I was seriously wigging out. I can be real hateful to him when I'm hurting... and it tends to be more than just a disregard for his feelings... tends to be me just really being hurtful to him on purpose...
So I'm sorry BoB. Thank you for being there for me.

I talked to david for a bit tonight.
He said goodnight to me.
First thing I did when he and I got off the phone was call BoB and tell him that David finally told me goodnight! Seems dumb, but what I would give to have him tuck me in again, and call me his "little burrito" just one more time.
I know it seems absurd... but I tend to stop eating and sleeping when... well... whenever david and I fight.
I slept with david on Saturday night, and I have not slept since then. I slept for about an hour or so Monday during the day, and about an hour this morning.

I wasn't doing too well at work tonight. I've been having a really hard time focusing my eyes. Honestly I think I'm able to see more clearly right now (after that martini that whooped me) than I was when I was still at work.

Godwilling tonight is the night that I'll get some sleep.
funny I should say that.
hopefully** tonight is the night that I'll get some sleep.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:06 AM :::

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 :::

it does not go well...

I am not taking this as well as we had all hoped.
I am having... unhealthy... thoughts.

I have no idea what I'm going to do.
why does he not see that this all happened because I just wanted him to love me again?


I have been talking to BoB again. He seems genuinely concerned about my safety.
I feel bad... because I do not care what he thinks.
He said that all this sounded familiar. I can see why he would think that... but it is not familiar at all.
When BoB and I broke up I started dating around and got engaged and all that bit. But with David... I do not want anyone else.

I am still sore. My palms are bruised... and my arms, legs, and chest are sore.
It is nothing compared to how I feel inside.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:27 PM :::

Monday, September 20, 2004 :::

The Drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You
must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation,but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

::: posted by tinafish at 6:07 PM :::

Friday, September 17, 2004 :::

oh stargate is awesome


So I've had a bit to drink tonight... Bleu (which is a lot stronger than I had expected) and now I'm working on my second crown and coke.
I guess I should have made the first crown and coke a bit stronger, but oh well.

I'm watching stargate (as you might have guessed) and I'm ~luv'n~ it!
ooh... I wanna see Dark Light tomorrow @ 2000.
*tries to remember*
I think it looks pretty awesome.

I slept on the couch in front of the A/C last night. I'd had a couple of glasses of di Amore and I was ~so~ hot. I was like... sweating most of the night.
David was really worried I'd get cold.
I don't think I was. Well, I guess... I don't really remember...
I've been sleeping so wonderfully. ~so~ wonderfully!
I have a bruise on my back, though. I'm not sure how I got it, but really that's no surprise.

well anyway... gonna finish my drink now.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:58 PM :::

Thursday, September 16, 2004 :::

another good night

My 0800 class was cancelled, so here I am at school at 0745 with nothing to do.
Not true - I ought to look over my A&P notes/chapters.
Just figured I'd blog for a bit first.

So I had a couple of drinks again last night. A glass of Boone's Farm and half a glass of ButterShots.
Then I went home.

I had been planning on moving all the stuff over to my friend Topher's apt, then moving it over to DD's apt this evening, and actually drinking a bit there.
I ended up just leaving it at David's, since he never called me back.
Not so much specifically that he never called me back, but more like he never said I needed to move it. I mean, he said he wanted me to, but once I had actually found somewhere to take it all, I never got a chance to talk to him. And it's a lot of stuff to be moving, I'll tell you.
I finally ended up talking to him ~ 0100, whenever I had given up and was returning Topher's apt key. He said that since it was so late for me not to worry about it.

He also didn't approve of me having some drinks last night.
then again, he didn't approve of me having drinks ever.

Speaking of people not approving... BoB has not been taking this well.
He says he used to be proud of me for never having started drinking before. Now I guess there's nothing for him to be proud of me for?

I dunno. This whole thing is not having the effect I was aiming for.
Well that's not necessarily true. I wanted to give it a chance before I kept condemning it.
And I have.
And it's not so bad.
I didn't go out and kill anyone. I didn't even say hurtful things. I just laughed a lot at my being unable to walk straight. Can you believe that? Me - just laughing at myself... how surreal.

So why am I still doing this? Well... there's a lot of stuff that we got... and I haven't even tried most of it. And I think David'd rather have me drinking a beer at a pub than ordering shots, ya know? And beer... well that's something I'm having to work up to.
I'm not saying David wants me to drink. He doesn't. or something.

I guess I had been hoping that he'd be more supportive. So far he's been pretty much impartial.

I dunno.
I have no f-ing idea.

think I'll go study for a bit - at least that's something I can understand.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:07 AM :::

Wednesday, September 15, 2004 :::

Captain Kirk beat Darth Vader - lol

And the Emmy goes to...

For the climactic award of the night, we can honestly report that Captain Kirk defeated Darth Vader�� Shatner beat James Earl Jones along with Martin Landau, Bob Newhart and Matthew Perry in the category Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series. He did so for his highly praised role as "Denny Crane" in The Practice, which has spun off into a new starring vehicle for Shatner this fall called Boston Legal.

::: posted by tinafish at 1:07 PM :::

went fairly well, I thought.

I started out w/ a fuzzy navel wine cooler, then had some boone's farm, then a bit of ButterShots (a butterscotch schnapps), then a glass of Raspberry di Amore mixed w/ apple juice.
In about half an hour. well, a little longer. Maybe 45 mins?
It doesn't sound like much to drink, but I was pretty toasted by the time I'd started on the di Amore.

I didn't vomit or anything.
I was having some difficulty getting my pants unbottoned (to use the toilet) but I wouldn't say that's a bad thing.
Also I couldn't hardly walk anymore, so I kept falling over. And I dunno why, but I thought that was just the funniest thing.
By the time I had to use the bathroom again the whole world was spinning.
It was fun.
I've always been rather disappointed in roller coasters and carnival rides just 'cause they never make me dizzy or anything... I guess 'cause of the whole gymnastics thing, or something.
But boy everything was spinning around last night... felt like I was on a tilt-a-whirl that was hooked up to a rollercoaster.

I remember I started crying because I could not take my shirt off (when I was changing into pajamas) and I don't remember taking my pants off, but I remember them being off.
And I put my computer under the couch.

It took a while for me to fall asleep... whenever I closed my eyes it seemed the spinning got faster. And my lips were numb, so I was drooling all over myself. (how incredibly ~unattractive~ that must've looked)

But once I fell asleep I slept very well. No nightmares, which is quite a change. And I feel really good today - well-rested.
I have a fairly big bruise on my leg and a bruise on my foot. My back is sore, and there's a spot on my head this is pretty tender. Aside from that, I think the night was a success.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:13 AM :::

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 :::

*biting fingernails*

I'm getting more and more nervous as time goes by... it's getting to be almost time for me to get off work.
and I can't stop biting my nails.


::: posted by tinafish at 8:35 PM :::

it's as good a reason as any...

I've grown up with staunch beliefs when it comes to consuming alcoholic beverages, and how I choose to associate w/ people who consume alcoholic beverages.
Before I go any further, I don't want this to turn into that mudflinging fiasco that happened last time I mentioned someone drinking. I AM NOT CALLING ANYONE AN ALCOHOLIC.

The extent of my drinking includes 3 glasses of jungle juice spread out over 3 different halloweens, accidently drinking a bit of a screwdriver, having a sip of long island ice tea (I didn't know there was no tea in it), and a few gulps of something that was in a sprite bottle (I had thought it was sprite).
I'm 22 years old. I was always the one driving people home and making sure everyone kept their pants on and such.
So now I'm gonna give it a whirl myself.

I'm scared, though.
Part of me is afraid that I won't like it. That I'll make a big mess and be a complete fool.
The other part of me is afraid that I ~will~ like it. I'm not sure why I'm so afraid of that... I've got this knot in my stomach and it's just been getting tighter and tighter as time goes by. I can't hardly imagine what I'll feel like after work.

I've always wanted to go on a date to one of those expensive restaurants that you actually have to dress up to go to... I've always wanted to be able to have a glass of wine over a fancy dinner. The whole wine and roses, ya know?
And I guess I'd like to have champagne at my wedding. And champagne to bring in the new year.

So see, I've been meaning to work up to this for years.
And now I'm finally gonna do it.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:18 PM :::

Be Not Afraid

I was reading "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," by Jonathan Edward, just now.
I'm running late when it comes to my lit class, and I'm still not really being able to focus on anything. I was reading along, if you can even call it reading... just looking at the words, really.
Something caught my attention:
"The arrows of death fly unseen at noonday..."

I was flashbacked to playing in my church choir. Sitting there... my favorite song...

You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst. You
shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way. You shall speak
your words in foreign lands and all will understand. You shall see the face
of God and live.

Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give
you rest.

If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown. If
you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed. If you stand
before the pow'r of hell and death is at your side, know that I am with you
through it all.

Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give
you rest.

Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs. Blest are you
that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh. And if wicked men insult
and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you!

Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give
you rest.

Maybe I will make it through all this?

::: posted by tinafish at 12:03 AM :::

Thursday, September 09, 2004 :::

I've ~got~ to stop playing FPSs

I had a couple of weird dreams last night...
the first weird dream involved 3 of david's friends, and me finding one of their houses. Well, finding this one house that one of his friends lives in. And then the other 2 friends were really proud of me for finding the house, so they were like "call david" and tell him... or something. So like... I did. @ ~ 0330. While the phone was ringing I woke up enough to realize that I was dreaming. So I hung up.
Then my friend Lus called me @ ~ 0430. I talked to him for ~ 2 seconds before I hung up to go back to sleep.
Next dream. I was actually living out one of the missions from Socom. And one of my clanmembers betrayed us and to prove he was serious he was trying to shoot me in the FOOT with a CROSSBOW! *grr* And yeah I woke up freaking out. So I called david again, 'cause I'm like that.
I called Lus back on my way to school this morning - apparently he was up all night watching Seinfield. lol. He played at some bar here in town last night, but I skipped out on it. I wanted to go, but I couldn't find anyone to go with.

I just finished applying to Tech. Now I just need to get transcripts from everywhere I've been, and I'll be set. mostly.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:24 PM :::

Wednesday, September 08, 2004 :::

with two Es

it's spelled E-E-Y-O-R-E.... since we bought that thing I haven't been able to spell it.
At least now we know.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:57 PM :::

Tuesday, September 07, 2004 :::

how clich�

I got pulled over last night on my way home. Apparently I ran a stop sign.
I was crying pretty hard and my backseat was full of boxes that had the last few things I had left at david's. I didn't even know there was one.

Stupid cop was all "I just broke up too" blah blah blah... "so how old are you?" blah blah blah "we should have coffee sometime" blah blah blah.

I got a warning.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:09 PM :::

Monday, September 06, 2004 :::

just one more thing I've never done...

I've never set the dinner table.

I'm up watching tv - Mermaid is on. Well, it was. It's over now. That last scene, where they're all dancing around setting the table... just made me realize it was something I've never done before.

I've called David 3 times this weekend... he's not called me back.
I ~love~ how he makes me feel so... negligable.
What I hate most is how I'd go back to it if he just gave me the chance.
'Cause I feel like he'll come around... at some point he'll realize that what really matters is who you come home to, not how big a house you live in.
I feel like eventually he'll understand.

I know I was wrong, but this is how it all started.
He and I have basic differences... the ideals that govern our everyday choices...
I've spent so long making excuses - I felt that if I could just hang on long enough he'd come around.

I was wrong.

I couldn't hang on long enough.

And he's not gonna come around.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:57 AM :::

Saturday, September 04, 2004 :::


back a few weeks ago I had talked david into buying flautas. They're little frozen taquitos that you microwave - these in particular are chicken w/ cheese in flour tortillas.
Or so they claimed to be.
They've also got green peppers in them.

So I ate these crossant sandwhiches we bought that same night we bought the flautas. They were pretty good.
Even though I was ~really~ hungry I only ate two - biting into the flautas w/ green peppers really grossed me out.

I'm really sleepy too. I didn't get to sleep much last night - I went to sleep @ ~ 0630 and had to get up @ 0830 to shower and feed/walk the dogs... and I had to work.
I wish I wasn't like this.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:36 PM :::

new job

I'm now doing tech support for a local isp.
It's cake.
I've always been more of a tech support girl than a customer service girl, anyway.
And I'm the "mac expert" at the office since I'm the only one who owns one.

School is going ok so far... I've got a pretty strong background in A&P so I'm not worried about it... my stats class is gonna be a joke... my lit class is gonna be pretty interesting... and... my art app class is.... well... my teacher is kinda... wacky.

My shower at home isn't completely done... the water doesn't get as hot as I'd like it to.
Also, I'm having trouble sleeping. And it's not just 'cause I'm sleeping alone. I hadn't noticed how used to sleeping cold. David keeps the temp @ ~ 60 degrees, plus a couple of fans. At home I have one fan and zero air conditioners.

We went to see Monsters, Inc. on ice. It was pretty good.
We went to see Hero last saturday... it was really good. Amazing, really. I want to own it.

Well... I have to go to work @ 1000 tomorrow... well... in a few hours.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:42 AM :::