Wednesday, March 23, 2011 :::

accidently employed

I went out for lunch with mcrough on monday, and got offered a job.
I start monday.
I had to go out yesterday and buy some "business casual" clothes, but I don't think I did a good job.
and I'm heading to dallas today to buy the last bits of furniture I'm still missing.

I'm gonna miss breakfasts with lus :(

::: posted by tinafish at 9:21 AM :::

Monday, March 21, 2011 :::

las horas pasan mejor entre tus brazos

so I'm mostly finished with that music thing - took several hours and I'm not gonna fuss with it again.

I'm waiting around on lowe's to deliver my fridge (milkdud did NOT help me with it like he was supposed to!), and then gonna go over to the apt and move the rest of my stuff.
I'm hoping to go to dallas at the end of the week, but that depends on the move situation.

ahh the move situation.
it feels like it's been months, but it's only been a couple of weeks.
maybe if I spent more time unpacking and less time dicking around.

speaking of unpacking.... or is this part of dicking around?
neither one of my wireless 360 controllers will hold a charge.
I think maybe the little charging cord is broken?
I need to look into alternatives.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:27 AM :::

Sunday, March 20, 2011 :::

let's pretend I can time travel!

at slave's request, I'm gonna fill this baby out!
... or try to, anyway. so far I'm skipping a ton of stuff =/
guess I'll post this & then keep working on it, and then make another post when I've finished.
BUT! I may just skip any that are repeats and I can't think of anything else to fill them in with.
I also don't really keep up with new music, or music videos. so.

Day 01 - A song from the first album you ever bought
"Guitars, Cadillacs" by Dwight Yoakam, from Just Lookin' For A Hit.

Day 02 – Your favourite single
"Already Gone" by Sugarland, from Love On the Inside (Deluxe Fan Edition).

Day 03 – Your favourite album track
"The Great Below" by Nine Inch Nails, from The Fragile (Left).

Day 04 – A song by the first band/artist you saw live
"She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney, from Greatest Hits.

Day 05 – A song from your childhood
"In My Own Little Corner" by John Green & Lesley Ann Warren, from Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella.

Day 06 – A song by your favourite band/artist
"Starfuckers, Inc." by Nine Inch Nails, from And All That Could Have Been [EXPLICIT LYRICS] [LIVE].

Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a tv series
"I'll Be There For You (Long Version)" by The Rembrandts from Friends (Music from the TV Series).

Day 08 – Your most played song on itunes
"The Only Time" by Nine Inch Nails, from Pretty Hate Machine.

Day 09 – Favourite new release (has to be less than 2 months old)

Day 10 – An awsome driving track

Day 11 – A song that reminds you of your best mate
"MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris, from A Tramp Shining.

Day 12 – A song that makes you laugh
"Violin" by They Might Be Giants, from No!.

Day 13 – The song that contains your favourite lyrics
"At The End" by 16Volt, from Supercoolnothing.

Day 14 – A song off an album that has brilliant cover art
"Extraordinary" by Liz Phair, from Liz Phair.

Day 15 – Your favourite TV theme tune

Day 16 – A song that reminds you of a holiday
"Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton, from The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas (Music from the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack).

Day 17 – A song that makes you think of a family member
"A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash, from JOHNNY CASH AT SAN QUENTIN (The Complete 1969 Concert).

Day 18 – A song you never get sick of hearing
"Pictures of You" by The Cure, from Disintegration.

Day 19 – A guilty pleasure
"Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa, from The Fame Monster.

Day 20 – A song you can’t help but sing along to
"I Love Rock N' Roll" by Joan Jett, from Fit To Be Tied: Great Hits By Joan Jett.

Day 21 – A song that reminds you of your partner/closest friend
"Making Love Out of Nothing at All" by Air Supply, from Ultimate Air Supply.

Day 22 – A song you play when you want to relax
"In the Chess Court" by Tan Dun, from Hero (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture).

Day 23 – A song you play before a night out
"Blue Suede Shoes" by Elvis Presley, from 2nd to None.

Day 24 – A song from a band/artist you’ve just ‘discovered’

Day 25 – A song off of the last album you bought/ last track you downloaded
"Hand Covers Bruise" by Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross, from The Social Network (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture).

Day 26 – A song no one would expect you to love
"Cordero de Dios" by Various Artist, from Misa Panamericana Misa de Renovacion.

Day 27 – A song you would sing at a karaoke night
"I Touch Myself" by Divinyls, from Living In The 90's [Disc 2].

Day 28 – A song you love for it's lyrics
"Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette, from Jagged Little Pill.

Day 29 – A song you love for it's video

Day 30 – A song you've only recently started listening to
"God Love Her" by Toby Keith, from That Don't Make Me a Bad Guy.

Day 31 – A song from a band your best friend introduced to you
"Light My Fire" by The Doors, from Legacy: The Absolute Best (Disc 1).

Day 32 – A song you've performed infront of people
"1812 Overture" by Chicago Symphony Orchestra & Fritz Reiner, from Tchaikovsky: Greatest Hits.

Day 33 – A song from any artist you've been to see live
"Just Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Vassar, from Phil Vassar.

Day 34 – A song from an artist you wish you could see live
"Feuer Frei!" by Rammstein, from Mutter.

Day 35 – A song you used to hate but now love
"Just Like a Pill" by Pink, from M!ssundaztood.

Day 36 – A song from an artist a family member has introduced you to
"Say It Isn't So" by The Outfield, from Play Deep.

Day 37 – Your favourite Beatles song
"I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles, from The Beatles 1.

Day 38 – Your favourite cover of a song
"Knockin' On Heaven's Door" by Guns N' Roses, from Use Your Illusion.

Day 39 – A song with a great video
"Buddy Holly" by Weezer, from Weezer.

Day 40 – A song that brings back amazing memories
"Something Like That" by Tim McGraw, from A Place In The Sun.

Day 41 – A song that brings back bad memories
"The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe, from Villains.

Day 42 – Favourite song from the 80's
"Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi, from Slippery When Wet (Special Edition).

Day 43 – Favourite song from the 90's
"Caress Me Down" by Sublime, from Sublime.

Day 44 – A song you play air guitar to
"Techno Syndrome" by Immortals, from Mortal Kombat Soundtrack.

Day 45 – Your favourite acoustic version of a song
"My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne, from Live Acoustic EP.

Day 46 – The first song you ever bought
"You Don't Know How It Feels" by Tom Petty, from Wildflowers.

Day 47 – The only song you like by a band you otherwise hate
"Lucky" by Britney Spears, from Oops!... I Did It Again.

Day 48 – Your favourite song at this time last year
"We Were in Love" by Toby Keith, from Dream Walkin'.

Day 49 – Your favourite Love song
"Mis Ojos" by Maná, from Cuando Los Angeles Lloran.

Day 50 – Your favourite song of all time
"The Great Below" by Nine Inch Nails, from And All That Could Have Been [EXPLICIT LYRICS] [LIVE].

::: posted by tinafish at 3:59 PM :::

Saturday, March 12, 2011 :::

and you'll see that it's time to move on

breaking up sucks.
either I feel bad because I'm sad it's over, or I feel bad because I'm happy it's over.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:43 AM :::

Wednesday, March 09, 2011 :::

sloth like

keeping whatever hours I want to is actually pretty great ^_^

::: posted by tinafish at 7:39 PM :::

Monday, March 07, 2011 :::

I cry alone

only I think I'm done crying.
I feel pretty bad about what's going on btwn me & budd, but I mean... he did have an entire year to go meet my mom... and he didn't.
all my friends and even my family are being super supportive, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
I like to think that I'd have left no matter what, since us staying together last year was contingent upon his going to the valley to meet the rest of my family... but I dunno.
budd is a great guy. seriously. I know I bitch about him a lot, but he really is.
but the meeting-my-folks thing is where I decided to take a stand, and he didn't care.
I dunno what I did (or didn't do) for it to come down to this. but here we are.
so I've decided to be done with feeling sorry for myself. trying to put the whole "his loss anyway" mindset on.

I just got back from spending the day at the apt.. budd & I went by home depot to get a shower head for him, and then to walmart for me since I'm looking for a space heater (still looking - they didn't have it out).
and I packed up a few more of my things from "home."
when I was leaving I told him I'd be by next week, once I've purchased a fridge and built a counter, to pick up my kitchen things.
that's really all I've got left over there.
as I was closing the door behind me... I dunno... I just felt really sad.
I guess that's what this whole post is about.
I'm sad that he's just letting me walk out of his life. like I tricked him into letting us stay together last year. like he's been waiting for me to leave for the last 5 years.
I'm not so bad, right?

::: posted by tinafish at 9:25 PM :::

Saturday, March 05, 2011 :::

nosleep and imaginarymonsters

so tonight's the night guys!

I'm an incredible pussy (I scare easily - books, movies, really anything that would scare a 5 year old) and I failed to bring a nightlight with me.
I also forgot my laptop keyboard cover, ugh.
but back to being a pussy - I've got a loft bed now.
and I'm always half afraid of monsters under my bed.
budd's bed is maybe 6" off the ground, so I had to worry about 6" tall monsters... but now I've gotta worry about 6' tall monsters!


I think I'll leave my bathroom light on, with the door cracked.
or maybe my desktop comp on, tuned into this. I prefer vibes, rain, thunder, and wind chimes. it kinda reminds me of some garden stage or something in ffvii. well, the vibes do. I just plain love the sound of a thunderstorm. and the wind chimes are kinda silly, but I like the way they sound in this combo.
I'll be fucked, though, when the internet connection [inevitably] goes down.

but for now, I'd better get back to cleaning my bathroom.
I'll let you know how my sleeping goes ;)

::: posted by tinafish at 11:00 PM :::

worf wins

master chief never had a chance!

::: posted by tinafish at 2:01 PM :::

well I want to wrap it up and swim in it until I drown

I'm aiming to be completely moved out by monday, but I didn't move a damn thing yesterday and today has been equally unproductive.
I'm really wanting to go take a nap, but I know I should be gathering my things.
so instead of doing either, I'm blogging.
go me!
I will, no matter what, be sleeping over there starting tonight.

I've had a very social week.
monday I moved a few things.
tuesday I hung out with lus in the morning, and then I hung out with kotton and watched some anime that afternoon.
wednesday I hung out with peaches and arranged action figures.
thursday I hung out with javi-er and had some tacos.
friday I hung out with lus and had a concrete (yum!).
so today, I really should work on moving stuff. I keep rationalizing it by reminding myself exactly how much stuff I don't have over here. and really, I could probably pack up all my shit in a couple of hours.
also, I finally ordered a router and it won't be here until monday, so I'll hafta spend all day monday over here anyway.

we've agreed on the not-continuing-to-date-once-I-move-out thing, but it's much more mutual than anything (I'm taking this round much better than last year).
budd says he's gonna take some time off to get back to himself, and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do.
there's a very good chance I'll just start dating again, but I dunno if that's really what I should do. it's supposed to be a month off for every year spent together... so 5 months... but I've seriously never really been single that long.
I'm a lot older now, though. and I imagine finding someone new to go out with would be a bit harder seeing as how I'm rocking a ton more weight than usual. but I have an awesome personality, I promise!
maybe it'll hit me in a day or two, once I've moved out, but right now I'm pretty frustrated at his indifference and I think if I did just start dating randomly it wouldn't necessarily be because I want to, but because I suck at coping with things.
I guess we'll see.
at the very least I won't have a proper internet connection for a while, so I can spend some time with myself reading and maybe taking up knitting again.
or maybe I'll run away to dallas or the valley for a while, and just lounge about with friends and/or family.

speaking of family, my dad & my sister have been especially gracious in their time spent with me (and our meals).
I think they're worried I'm gonna take this breakup like I took the one with my david, but lol since they don't really know what happened back then.
I think I'll be fine. if we'd split up last year it would have been much harder for me, but things have certainly continued to fizzle over the last year... so I'm sure I'll be ok.
not that I don't wanna drown myself in a bottle, but it's not entirely because of budd.

and now I'm off to pack my toiletries and move my clothes. since, you know, I'll be sleeping over there from now on.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:42 PM :::