Friday, June 30, 2006 :::
I dunno why, though... think maybe I'm sleeping too much again.
and on monday I hafta come to work early - at 0900.
I'm just putting that in here so hopefully I'll remember to come in early.
I was supposed to go over to adrian's for a bit last night... we've got this plan to play WoW together, in the sense that we'll be in the same room playing, but not on the same server.
it didn't work out, though.
we fought about I-dunno-what, like we always do.
so that didn't happen, and I doubt it will anytime soon.
if I could just get myself to stop listening to that song... I'm almost certain I'd be fine... either the song reminds me of him or he reminds me of that song or something.
/me shrug
and for my weekly (has it been weekly? I think I'll just say it has and we'll all play along with it) world of warcraft update...
my rogue's 33 now, and both my priest & warlock are 9s...
I was out skinning in contested territory with my rogue when this horde (the opposing faction) hunter came up... I just stood there 'cause he was so many levels higher than me...
well it started out with just a hunter who put that damn arrow on me (think it adds 100 damage to ranged attacks on me and makes my stealth not work too well) and set his pet on me... I just stood there and he called it off... I licked him and he hugged me then ran off.
few mins later the hunter came back and just put that arrow on me then ran around in circles before running off... and a few mins later he came back again and did the same thing only he iced me too (I couldn't move)... and he ran off again. this happened a few times, actually.
a few minutes later he comes back with a warlock... and they don't ever kill me just cast stuff on me.
the warlock casts fear on me (made me run around and I can't control where I go) and then the hunter iced me again... and they did that for a few mins... when ['cause of fear] I aggro'ed a spider... the spider killed me 'cause I was iced... but they like... were trying to kill the spider... but I died before they could... and when I resurrected they were still there. and they both hugged me and left. it was kinda weird, imo.
and I love playing w/ mcrough... he's so crazy... the other night he took me through horde territory! and last night we were in contested territory... but like... it's so funny to get killed with him... 'cause like... if they're higher level than us, and if there's more than one of them, he just sits down (sometimes lies down)... and it's ~so~ funny. really if it wasn't for him I doubt I'd still be playing.
and so yes... that's what's been going on... and I'm gonna get some food now.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:26 PM :::
Thursday, June 29, 2006 :::
so yes...
sarah & I went to the pour house last night...
apple martinis are quite delicious, but I would not recommend hayden's gin & tonics.
they were like.... 90% gin, 10% tonic water.
I thought they were really gross.... but I about loved rj's gin & tonics....
and I dunno wtf but I had a smirnoff & that apple martini and I was all warm and fuzzy.
I do believe it's time for me to admit that I can no longer hold my liquor (or any type of alcohol, it would seem) like I used to. not saying that's bad - at least now it only costs $20 to get trashed, as opposed to... however much it used to cost.
after the pour house we went to ihop. and I had some heavenly cauliflower, some amazing broccoli, and some too-buttery corn.
gawd I want some steamed cabbage with carrots, and some boiled cauliflower & broccoli.
sarah mentioned that she'd had some broccoli/cauliflower hybrid... seems it's called broccoflower.... I ~so~ wanna try it.
oh and that gross juice I had yesterday was cranapple light, by oceanspray. I'm gonna hafta try the un-light (or regular, I guess) before I completely rule it out. I'm not sure what I'm drinking today, but it's not bad at all.
of course, after that juice from yesterday, I doubt gasoline would taste all that bad.
...
fucking tooter.
he just about wrestled me to get chopsticks in my hair.
::: posted by tinafish at 12:02 PM :::
Wednesday, June 28, 2006 :::
but I wanted pad thai for dinner
but gizmo had pad thai from thai pepper for lunch...
... and I don't think words can describe how much I want thai pepper's pad thai.
it's been on my brain since I smelled his lunch.
and speaking of -
I've still had no luck finding that juice I've been looking for.
the stuff I had yesterday, orange peach mango, was quite delicious, but the stuff today (I don't even know what it was) was ~so~ gross.
I was almost certain that mystery juice I've been trying to find again was a 3 juice blend w/ cranberry in it... but I've about run out of options here.
I've got one more bottle in my fridge, then it's back to the drawing board.
and by 'drawing board' I do mean 'juice aisle'
and now I want a hot dog.
with cheese, ketchup, and relish.
I wonder if my sis has any...
::: posted by tinafish at 8:49 PM :::
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 :::
crying in the night; tears in the dark
I used to decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone if I would date them.
now... I'm really just hanging out and waiting to see what happens.
isn't that odd?
I'm not sure when I made that switch, but I definetly think it's a good thing.
sarah and I are supposed to go out for drinks tomorrow.
I always have fun when I'm out with sarah, and I'm seriously wishing I had more girl friends.
speaking of friends - I still haven't uploaded those photos.
I've actually got the cd in my drive, but I still don't have a copy of photoshop.
and with all this WoW I've been playing, I've seriously been neglecting my roses.
I went outside to water them a few minutes ago, but the ground was already wet.
I'm thinking my dad's been watering them for me; I've gotta remember to thank him.
and you know how that whole trip-to-roswell fell through?
(the one where I was gonna meet spock is awesome)
well it turns out our birthdays are the same weekend, so hopefully we can get together then.
it'd be nice to finally meet him, and I could scratch another name off my list of friends I want to meet... and then I'll be that much closer to scratching something off of my 43 things.
::: posted by tinafish at 9:05 PM :::
Monday, June 26, 2006 :::
sausage brownie tostadas are my specialty
seriously - she's made brownies about every day this month.
and so I've been eating a lot of brownies.
I do believe I've gained back any weight I may have lost.
lol
and so saturday night...
my sister made polish sausage for dinner.
and my niece, of course, had made brownies.
so there's this awesome sausage/brownie smell coming from the kitchen, right?
and I get this ~brilliant~ idea of making a sausage brownie sandwich.
only I can't fit two slabs of brownie with a sausage in between in my mouth (ok let's keep our minds out of the gutter), so I end up using just one slab of brownie and a sausage sliced lengthwise.
and it was delicious.
aside from that my weekend was uneventful.
didn't meet up with jitsu again.
played lots of world of warcraft.
but I think we all knew that was gonna happen.
::: posted by tinafish at 12:25 PM :::
Friday, June 23, 2006 :::
omg ya'll.
we ended our conv with him saying, "I hope you're in lubbock 'cause I sure don't like talking to those foreigners in east texas."
foreigners. in east texas.
/me sigh
we got a new guy here at work...
he seems nice enough. really quiet, though.
not like I have room to talk, though; don't think I really said anything 'till after I'd been here for a few weeks.
me & sarah were talking about having a 'welcome to the office' party for him... I think that'd be fun.
there's not very many of us left, though... and I don't think it'd be very hard to convince gizmo & tooter to come out with us... so I guess it depends on the new guy.
I think I'm having a bad day.
I've not really decided, though...
but I've been talking to either really dumb or really mean or just plain angry customers today.
I'm ~so~ tired of answering the phone right now.
and I've only been here for an hour and a half.
/me cries
that storm last night was not cool at all.
what else has been going on?
I got my pictures, finally...
and the little photo fella looked awesome!
aaaaaand so I've got some pics of me & javi-er, and assorted others as well...
I'll need to get my hands on a copy of photoshop before I can get them uploaded, though.
I mean, I guess I could take the code from an existing page & make the thumbnails and all by hand... but I really doubt I'd do it anytime soon.
I wonder if irbyface'll share a copy with me... whenever he gets back from nyc.
and have you heard on again tonight (
), by trent willmon?that song is ~so~ awesome, and really I've listened to it about a gazillion times.
and now I wanna take a hundred hour nap.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:21 PM :::
Thursday, June 22, 2006 :::
milkdud made him for me.
isn't he adorable?
he just runs around following me.
and he totally rawks more than beanakin's parrot.
squirrels > parrots
::: posted by tinafish at 12:46 PM :::
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 :::
I got my first honorable kill last night (er... sunday night)... :D
and it only took 2 tries!
(and now I know why everyone hates rogues)
lol
BoB's upset at me; he thinks I forgot his birthday.
honestly that's a can of worms I'd rather not deal with right now... I think that's one of the reasons I'm trying to keep myself busy... I can see myself spiralling back down to that... place I'm still not sure I'm completely out of.
such is life, though... each day can be fresh, new, and exciting - if I just let it.
speaking of-
jitsu rescheduled on me again.
gawd if it's not me it's him.
I think it's 2 weeks now we've been taking rainchecks.
what kills me is that I don't really care.
he's a sweet kid and all... but I guess I don't know him well enough to really be upset that I'm not getting to hang out with him.
I mean, sure we chat online, but never for very long... and while I think that first night we got together we may have covered some interesting ground, nothing's really happened since then.
/me shrug
I've still got WoW, though.
I didn't sleep much this weekend.
I was up for ~ 38 hours straight... mostly because I had a not-so-awesome dream about BoB, it being his birthday and all.
I do still miss him, some days more than others.
I dunno wtf - the only two serious boyfriends I've had have been BoB and my david. with BoB our anniversary was June 07, and his birthday is June 16. with my david our anniversary was February 21 and his birthday was February 07. I guess all I'm saying is I should keep an eye out for guys whose birthdays are within a couple of weeks of us starting dating.
... and broken noses, eh?
lol
::: posted by tinafish at 4:50 AM :::
Monday, June 19, 2006 :::
dreams move on if you wait too long
it could've been me and my dreams coming true
::: posted by tinafish at 1:34 PM :::
Friday, June 16, 2006 :::
(guess it couldn't have been from before a week ago, since I only started playing last friday)
so ya - here we go.
this one's to prove how ugly my warlock is - she's got no skin on her joints! yuck!
here she is again... this one to show how bad her posture is
this is my warlock as a pirate w/ beanakin's pet reindeer.
notice how he's looking down at me like, "wtf are you doing laying in bed & not questing?!"
this one's due to lag - mcrough was seeing me still on the griffin just flying through town
here's me drinking at the pub with milkdud
look closely at the chat dialogue in the lower left hand corner - we're drunk!
and here's what my rogue looks like now - I got that awesome cape, that cute little mask, and that ring~ too!
and I guess that's all for now...
(I promise I'm trying not to turn this into a WoW fangirl screenshot maze)
::: posted by tinafish at 5:38 PM :::
I need your on again off again on again tonight
and my plans with jitsu fell through - really he'd just forgotten we made any.
he seemed... a bit worked up about it... particularly when I said I wouldn't make plans with him again... I'm not sure if I believe him, though.
anyway. since doke invited me on wednesday I've been aching to see it.
so I talked adrian into going with me to watch it last night.
and we all know how much fun adrian at the theatre can be.
when he got to my house he walked in asking for my tools (apparently he'd been using his truck key to dig a hole in some sheetrock) to straighten out his key.
while he does that I order our tickets & write the confirmation number on my arm.
we leave.
he drives ('cause I do hate driving) and when we get there he's still having a hard time getting his key out of the ignition.
now he's sitting there huffing and growling and pulling on that key... and I'm sitting there laughing trying to think of a tactful way to point out exactly how easy it is to break a key...
and then it happens.
the key is broken in the ignition.
truck starts up just fine but no way he'd be able to lock his doors.
and I'm about rolling around laughing about all this - there's a reason I don't use my truck key to pry anything open.
we finally get inside... and he's notably calm, imo...
I try to print out our tickets 3 times before I admit I didn't correctly copy down our confirmation number.
haha
apparently I missed a 7 there towards the end, and I'm convinced that if he hadn't rushed me I would have figured it out - I was thinking either I left out a 0 or 2 or a 7... but I only got to try the 0 and the 2 before he lost interest.
instead of just calling it even we decided to buy more tickets - and lemme tell ya'll it was so worth it.
this is such an adorable movie~
and they've got little bugs flying around a light - and they're vw bugs w/ wings!
I had such a wonderful time, and I rushed home to demand that my sis and I watch it together sometime soon.
speaking of - apparently there's some sort of family reunion this weekend. if I can drag someone out there on saturday I guess I'll go, but no way I'm heading out there w/out some company.
and now for my obligatory < enter game I've been playing > update.
I made lvl 20 last night on my rogue. haven't played much with my warlock in the last couple of days - I'm telling you it's her posture.
milkdud took me through my first 'instance' last night. he was running through just killing folks while mostly I was stealthed and hiding behind doors.
and when I wasn't stealthed and hiding behind doors it was usually because I was dead and having to locate my body. :(
but it was super awesome of him to do that for me, and I got to loot some pretty cool stuff - got this really awesome cape and this cute little mask.
... think my only complaint is my damn bags aren't bigger... beanakin gave me some 12 slot bags for my warlock... and they've spoiled me, really. I bought four 8 slot bags for my rogue a few days ago, but all these bad guys in that place milkdud took me were dropping fuck all awesome things. but ugh! I didn't have much space to carry things. I was destroying bandages & potions & skins & thread & food & then stuff that was dropped that wasn't worth as much as the stuff I was trying to pick up.
but seriously mostly I stayed stealthed. and even then I still got killed about 5 times!
how many times did milkdud die? zero. and he was fighting by himself, too.
they'd give me the stink eye and I'd fall over dead!
but I got to soak up a load of xp and sell lots of hard-to-find stuff to make lots of money.
I had a really good time, aside from feeling extraordinarily useless. maybe someday [when I'm 20 lvls higher] I'll bring someone [this is where I glance at yama, even though he's got friends who are 60s] through here. hell I'd do it for some random person just to kill these guys that killed me (kinda like how I kill spiders at pretty much any cost).
so since I hit 20 I decided I've invested a significant enough amount of time in this game, so I finally subscribed. I knew I would, though - did I tell you I bought a 3 button mouse just to dive in game?
::: posted by tinafish at 12:01 PM :::
Thursday, June 15, 2006 :::
I've pretty much decided agst dating anyone.
I've pretty much decided to play WoW instead.
pr0n is cheaper than dating.
WoW is cheaper than pr0n.
so yeah.
with an attitude like that I'm never getting laid again - I'm quite certain.
I've got a couple of characters...
a cute little night elf rogue (you've seen her already) and a not-cute undead warlock that has bad posture.
my rogue hit 18 earlier.
and my warlock hit 6 earlier too.
I kinda wanna like her more than my rogue, but she's got ~really~ bad posture.
and~
the best news of all~
adrian and I are gonna play together.
on a new server for both of us.
I'm so excited about that - really I can't even tell you how excited I am.
gawd I don't wanna spend all my posts talking about world of warcraft.
I mean, I know I usually talk about whatever video game I'm playing at the moment... but ~every~one plays wow.
and it's not so much that I'm late to the party... more that I resisted as long as I could.
much like what happened to me with myspace.
except I don't think wow sucks.
and I've got lots of screenshots I wanna share.
beanakin's got this pet reindeer, and I was laying in bed and it was up on the bed with me...
and he was throwing snowballs at me! and gave me some kind of food that turned me into a pirate!
and I've got this one screenshot from a few nights ago - mcrough was lagging so it looked like I was riding a griffin all through town.
and... monday, I think.... milkdud, yamatsuro, beanakin, and I... we all took off all our clothes and were dacing in a graveyard.
(talk about living vicariously, eh?)
::: posted by tinafish at 3:41 AM :::
Tuesday, June 13, 2006 :::
the ass.
lol
milkdud took me on a tour of I dunno where last night...
we went to a bar and he bought me beers, and I got drunk...
then we went for a moonlit stroll.
did I mention all this was in game?
I took some screenshots, but I don't think I'm gonna post them.
well... I think I'll upload 'em and just link 'em, 'cause otherwise this place'll just be full of WoW screenshots.
I wore my hair down today...
and now I remember why I never wear my hear down.
tooter kept playing with my hair while I was in calls.... really I think he was trying to tie the phone to my head.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:44 PM :::
Monday, June 12, 2006 :::
whenever I can lead you astray
friday I played WoW.... saturday I played disc golf with doke, played more WoW, and had a late dinner/early brkfst with lus... and sunday I played more WoW.
now I know what you're thinking - "wow tina that's a lot of WoW."
it's not any more than the amts of ffx I'd been playing.
/me shrug
but I've got some awesome screenshots I'd like to share... I'll get to that before too long.
what's really been itching is my day with doke.
I'd expected a couple of hours out there... turns out we were there for ~ 7 or so.
I got a bit burned; that's more sun than I've seen in years.
I had a really good time. seriously - a really good time.
I'd mostly expected him to push me into the water... things ended on a pretty sour note btwn us.
but we laughed a lot... and it was remarkably easy to talk to him.
and gawd I suck ass at disc golf.
really I'm just... surprised we got along so well.
and while I can understand his reasoning, I'm kinda sad I won't be seeing more of him.
I kinda wanna say a bit more, but I don't think he'd appreciate it.
and world of warcraft...
I do like it. really it's not much different than what I've been spending most of my time doing.
I opted for the same server milkdud's on, and I've talked a couple of my friends into creating characters there as well. I've even made a few friends there.
speaking of friends...
I met this fella yamatsuro there night before last. we were questing together for about 3 hours or so... I picked up skinning so I was running around skinning tigers... and these spiders that attack you if you get too close - well, they attacked him.
so I'm standing over this carcass skinning when I see him run across the screen (he's a warrior so he's got a sword & shield) being chased by this huge spider (they're about waist high & awful angry). I finish skinning in time to throw a knife, but by that time the spider's caught up to him and killed him.
so like any good questing partner would do - I laid down next to his body.
and took a screenshot.
I just wish I'd gotten one of him running away with the spider chasing him.
::: posted by tinafish at 9:01 PM :::
Sunday, June 11, 2006 :::
::: posted by tinafish at 3:55 AM :::
Friday, June 09, 2006 :::
I thought it was 1130.
not 1030.
I should still be in bed.
::: posted by tinafish at 10:37 AM :::
that... kinda fell through.
I was all for having a few at the bar, but I've been so sleepy lately.
so after work I headed to the pour house... but due to some sports event the place was super packed.
we called sarah to cancel and I came home.
and I talked to my brother.
I know he means well and all.... but sheesh it seems every time I talk to him I spend a few hours weeping.
literally weeping.
I got home and fully intended to just crawl into bed.
but noooo I hafta turn on my computer.
then I notice I have voicemail.
and that's when I called him back.
I think it's really awesome of him to be actively checking up on me... I think for a long time he assumed everything in my little world was just fine... but lately when he asks how I'm doing I actually tell him.
and that means a lot to me.
I mean... sure he's not the super-cool-awesome-end all brother I thought he was when I was little... but there's so much he doesn't know about me... and it means so much to me that he even bothers to call.
and gawd I'm so damned emotional right now.
I actually made it through yesterday fairly well, but today's been a whole other story.
and today of all days for him to call. we (well I know I sure as hell was, guess I don't really know about him) tried to just make small talk and then out of nowhere I was crying. again.
and I'm not sure why but I really wanted to tell him everything.
hah - gawd knows I can't do that.
we finally hang up and I sit here just staring at some starbucks hot chocolate tins with other mixes or something... that's what he got me for christmas this past year. he didn't know I drink coffee.
of course at christmas I still hadn't told him my david & I split up.
so I'm sitting here tearing up a box of kleenex... and I didn't want to be alone.
I called adrian. and called. and called.
and I didn't give a damn if he thought I was just desperate.
nor do I care if he knows he's the only person I called.
he's taken to teasing me about dating again.
about how he must've been the last person I called.
that he's the first person I called is only semantics.
we ended up going to see the omen.
I thought it was fuck all creepy.
of course I'm mostly just scared of kids.
I think adrian liked it well enough, but he usually likes movies.
the drive over was definitely the highlight for me...
we had this kind of involved conversation about gatorade - lol
and adrian is so damned... indifferent?
gawd I don't even know how to describe him.
I was sitting there crying - and most guys would have probably tried to hug me or something.
they were those silent tears you can only see at the right angle...
adrian knows better than to try to hug me when I'm crying.
part of me was really angry he didn't try; I had no excuse to lash out at him.
the rest of me was... content... happy that he didn't need to know what was wrong.
I've mentioned before I've considered working things out with him.
but could I handle his rejection?
only my vanity lets me assume he would have me again.
and then we'd be right back where we started, wouldn't we?
that's not fair to him.
and right about now is when he'd say I'm making excuses.
lately I've been wondering if he's right.
now I'm gonna crawl into bed.
and I'm taking a box of kleenex with me.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:01 AM :::
Thursday, June 08, 2006 :::
cookbook in my left hand & a rolling pin in my right
it wasn't great, though.
it also wasn't bad.
/me shrug
we had dinner @ buffalo wild wings, and then walked to the theatre for x3.
I just noticed last night that the juggernaut is that fella from snatch.
ugh I'm sleepy.
I've made plans with doke this weekend.
to play disc golf.
I'm a bit concerned, honestly.
not enough to really worry... but if anything does happen I guess I feel it'll serve me right.
guess I still feel like I owe him something.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:05 PM :::
Wednesday, June 07, 2006 :::
it's not so much that I'm not looking forward to meeting this kid...
I'm just not looking forward to meeting anyone in general.
really I'm more than half leaning towards trying to work things out with adrian again.
but I think staying single would be best for me.
so.
I was playing dominoes (shocking, I know) with mcrough earlier...
I won.
nothing else is new...
I skipped out on the movie last night. got home from work and went to bed.
but then I had a bad dream, so I woke up and talked to rob about it.
I ended up going back to sleep on the couch... where I was within arm's reach of rob if I needed him.
yeah... it's pretty lame... I know.
but it felt so much safer there in glow of my monitor.
also... status messages can be informative.
I've pretty much made plans with doke.
ya'll remember him?
things ended kinda badly btwn us...
after linking to that girl & krypto last night I went through and read some of doke's archives.
you know those stupid get-to-know-me-better surveys that go around, asking what you would change about your past?
it occurred to me last night... the one thing I'd change... in my life, ya'll... I'd have played disc golf with him.
so hopefully sometime we will.
::: posted by tinafish at 6:55 PM :::
Tuesday, June 06, 2006 :::
there's doke's blog, right? and he links to that girl's blog.
that girl used to date this guy named krypto - she's how I found his blog.
so doke links to that girl and that girl links to krypto.
that girl and krypto broke up a few months ago.
I'm even hesitant to link either of them, and I already know that doke doesn't (or didn't, rather) want me linking to him...
guess I'll think about it and you'll know what I decided depending upon whether there are or there are not links laying about.
so.
yes.
krypto and that girl broke up.
and this is like.... I've totally been where both of them are.
I can totally feel her... how devastating losing someone is... not quite for the same reasons, but I still get pretty torn up every now and then... and I can relate to her posts more often than I'd like to admit.
and I can totally feel him... if she doesn't like what she's reading then she should just STOP READING, ya know? gawd knows I've been there... more than once.
I really like krypto, though... meaning I think his blog is a lot more fun than that girl's.
I went through all his archives, and I've linked people his posts before...
I've only read... the current stuff for that girl.
and, possibly one of the things I find so attractive about both blogs, is that they refuse to say who they are - no names nor photos of either of them.
while I do try to use nicknames for other people I mention on here, I have no problem with any of you knowing who I am.
not that I think they're hiding things... just a certain level of anonymity is always attractive.
and now... I'm gonna watch ultraviolet with the guys.
ultraviolet.
not porn.
::: posted by tinafish at 12:11 PM :::
Monday, June 05, 2006 :::
I got to talk with slave (skype is awesome, I say again - skype is awesome) ~and~ chat with dirty dan!
omfg! I've missed him ~so~ much!
he's all married and with a baby and living in new mexico... I don't think words can describe how stoked I was to hear from him.
so I spent an hour and a half on skype with slave and about 3 hours chatting with dirty dan!
now seriously - there's not much I'd rather do than lounge about doing exactly what I did this evening.
not even hit the bar with jitsu...
::: posted by tinafish at 10:38 PM :::
and I brought a pan of brownies to work.
only...
we don't have any silver- (or plastic-) ware in the office.
so I'm using chopsticks.
/me sigh
again.
and for the record - fearless is fucking. awesome.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:36 PM :::
Sunday, June 04, 2006 :::
there will be no castle in the sky
just found out some... near earth shattering news.
seriously I about fell over - and that's 'cause I was sitting down.
I'm sure it'll all work out, though...
and I'm sad I'm so selfish.
::: posted by tinafish at 4:36 PM :::
seriously - he's fucking awesome!
::: posted by tinafish at 3:41 PM :::
Saturday, June 03, 2006 :::
well really it was a conv from another window that leaked into the one he & I were having.
/me sigh
I'm not entirely sure what I wanted to say... I remember thinking I had some valid points to make while mcrough was driving us back from walmart to my sis's house...
and now I can't think of anything concrete.
do I ever have truly thought out posts?
everything just runs out of me... and lots of times I'm not even sure of what I started out trying to say.
I just realised earlier this evening that june 7 is right around the corner.
that may explain why I've been wanting a guy.
do you ever tell yourself that you're completely over someone? that you just want to be friends and have an awesome platonic relationship? with no concern for unjustified feelings or past feelings?
gawd.
I really thought I was finally just happy enough being single that I could welcome someone into my life.
I don't know if that's true or not... of course I don't know for sure who I'm trying to convince.
these guys I've met lately... they have, for the most part, been awesome.
but I miss that familiarity - that.... faith in knowing at least one thing in this uncertain world is unchanging.
that there is a real constant in the universe.
it was like... the bass in my riff of life.
does that even make sense?
BoB says that I miss the idea of him more than I actually miss him.
heh
I actually remember the day I gave him that same speech... back when I was with my david.
was I wrong when I said he missed the idea of me?
or is he wrong when he says I miss the idea of him?
we were mean to each other... near hated each other at times... it's such a thin line, isn't it?
I remember when he & I first split up... I spent months not knowing for certain that the sun was going to come up.
but I did know he loved me. just the rules had changed.
I changed them.
is it fair for me to play the healthy & healed woman?
will I ever be?
he's married now and there's no going back... but is there no going back because he's married?
we both want to believe that.
we both need to, really.
and when I sit and think about it there is no way he and I could ever work things out.
would I even want to?
would he?
in the end he does still love me, and I him... but the rules have changed.
and I changed them.
does it count as a regret if I wouldn't change anything?
::: posted by tinafish at 12:05 AM :::
Friday, June 02, 2006 :::
I'm sleep deprived (only slept ~ 2 hours), and mostly frustrated and a bit irritated, but I am loving it.
and I dunno why.
haha
last night I met up with this fella... I'm gonna name him fatimah's choice.
he seems like a really nice guy.
we hung out at ihop for a few hours then went back to my sis's and talked for a bit longer...
I took a pic of his gun (and no, that's not a euphamism).
and the awesomest thing!
beanakin brought me donuts for brkfst!
and the little old ladies that live next to us wanted to call the cops 'cause they thought his car had been shot (he's got those lame - I mean awesome - bullet hole stickers along the sides) so we (me & the little old ladies) almost fought about that.
but donuts are ~so~ worth it.
mostly we (beanakin & I) just lounged about eating and listening to dane cook.
and I totally just called r00's phone and left the dumbest. message. evar.
but that's just me, I guess - lol
ok so I'm gonna have some more free pizza
yay~
::: posted by tinafish at 12:24 PM :::
at ihop...
and apparently fatimah was quite taken with him...
lol
::: posted by tinafish at 4:10 AM :::