Sunday, February 29, 2004 :::

2 out of 24

I'm here at hastings staring at David while he does his mythology homework. I just finished my history assignment, and this marks only the second chapter out of the last 24 we've covered in class that I have actually done the assignment. Usually I just wing it, but since I did so badly on my first test I've actually gotta study to be sure I do well on the next one. So I did my assignment.
David's pretty much decided on an apt. I had this dream about it - how I'm supposed to make sure he gets the apt w/ a garage, and how I'm supposed to help him pay for it. I'm not sure why, but I do feel it's about time I contributed something more than just my presence.
My philosophy teacher already handed out our next test. I haven't been keeping up in that class either, so I guess I ought to read all the essays. It's a bit... overwhelming. There's so much that I'm behind in, and this time I've actually got to catch up in all of them. I've been handling it pretty well, I think. I finished reading the novel that my gov't teacher has been quizzing us on, and then I gave it to my friend Lus to read. I get the feeling it's something he'd enjoy. I also just finished the history assignment, for Monday anyway. I'll have more work to do for Wednesday, but I'm ~really~ not in the mood to read about it right now. I also need to officially drop my wieight lifing class. I need to read my philosophy book and somehow manage to produce 10 pages of my work for this test. I also need to study for my micro lab test. Or my micro lecture test. One or the other... most likely the lecture test. Or maybe not at all, depending on how I feel when it comes time to actually do the studying. I also need to play catch up in chem. Since David got me the uber cool anniv gift all I've done in there is watch star trek movies.
I'm also taking a different approach in my history class, since her tests are by far the hardest I'll be taking this semester. I've decided to stop using my laptop, for this test at least.
**talking to david for a bit**
Ok so anyway...
Yeah, no laptop in history for this test. Gonna sit there and listen to her lecture and stuff.
Suddenly I have no desire to type anything else.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:02 PM :::

The Simple Truth, by David Baldacci

well, I finally read it.
*sniff sniff*
It's a really good book. I love the way it was written. It was a bit predictable... but it still left me in tears more than once.
All in all I will recommend it - not something I'd read again, but I'm not much for the whole murder-mystery spin.

Taken off the back of the book:
Michael Fiske broke the law when he took Rufus Harms's prison letter from the Supreme Court. But he also sealed his own fate. Now MIchael's borther, a cop turned attorney, is coming to Washingto to find out why his bother was murdered - and what it had to do with a crime that Rufus Harms committed twenty-five years earlier.
The Simple Truth
It's never what it seems...

::: posted by tinafish at 2:50 AM :::

Saturday, February 28, 2004 :::

.oO(I hate my job)

work was great 'till about 0400. Then I got slammed w/ four admits and a code.
*bigger sigh*
One of the admits was a direct, meaning they came from another hospital and weren't going to stop in ER. So the first place they get to is the room on my floor.
Pretty much when the ems rolled him in our nurses started coding him.
So I'm supposed to page the house supervisor, the doctor, respiratory therapy, the chaplain, and call family. Usually this is cake 'cause all the info is already on the chart.
Except this was a direct admit. This was his first stop at our hospital. No routine paperwork had been filled out yet. And he had no family with him.
I call admitting to tell them he's on the floor and to add him into the system. I then page the house sup, respiratory, and the chaplain. Then I start rummaging through all his paperwork from the other hospital. I find the doctor over there, only he doesn't have priveldges at Covenant. So then I find the transfer sheet. All it says is... and I'm gonna have to make up this name, for obvious reasons... All it says is "Dr. Blah" under receiving physician.
I run a search in the system for Blah and come up with 2 matches - Samuel Blah and Shannon Blah.
So when admitting, who knows about the admit already, since all admissions go through admitting (kinda redundant) adds the patient to our system I have access to information that has been entered by them. So I printed out a face sheet, which contains all sorts of personal information, including first of kin and both admitting and attending physician.
Samuel Blah is listed as both the admitting and the attending doc. So I search the system and get his number.
I page him.
He calls back.
I transfer him to our charge nurse and she begins to tell him patient information like ABG results, blood pressure, heart rate, cardiac rhythm, what meds have been given, how many times they've defibrillated him... all sorts of stuff so he can decide what he wants us to do.
He then proceeds to yell at her because he does not know who this patient is.
Apparently admitting screwed up.
Admitting and attending physician is Dr. Shannon Blah.
And Dr. Samuel Blah is ~really~ peeved at me, since this is taking place @ ~ 0430.
So then I page Shannon Blah.
When she calls back I transfer her to Melba and Melba does the whole speil again.
And again Melba gets yelled at for whatever reason...
and the whole time we're still coding this guy.

there are some details I've left out since it's about 0800 and I just wanna go to bed. I'll probably edit this entry later.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:12 AM :::

the search continues

well I printed out and gave david loads of choices... it's up to him to pick where he wants to live.

Oh and the dumbest thing happened last night.
Special K (nickname for one of the docs here) had a patient on another floor code. They transferred the patient to us last night. According to the nurses the patient had no carotid or femoral pulse. Patient's on a vent so he's not breathing for himself. No blood pressure. His rhythm was negligable, showing only spikes where his pacemaker went off. And apparently Special K was the only one who could feel a pulse.
What really happened is they transferred us a dead man.

Anyway... I'm gonna read a bit tonight.

::: posted by tinafish at 1:32 AM :::

Friday, February 27, 2004 :::

I forgot about this

Tina, did you know I can still post here? I forgot all about this :-P.

::: posted by Anonymous at 12:32 PM :::

looking for a new apt

so I've spent all night looking for a new place for david to live.
due to the... unwelcome encounter last night he has decided it is time to live somewhere else.
So I have come up with about... oh I'm not sure and I don't feel like counting. But I've found quite a few possibles, and it's up to him to make the decision.
.oO(if he gets a loft I can't hardly imagine the size of tree I'll be able to fit in there!)

::: posted by tinafish at 6:05 AM :::


David's neighbor is not making some wise decisions tonight.
I just got off the phone with him (David, not his neighbor) and apparently his neighbor is drunk and.... not thinking straight.
I hope neither one of them does something they will regret in the morning.
Speaking of the morning... David's planning on getting this d00d evicted. Or he'll leave. I hope it all works out.

Something that caught my attention when I was talking to him. He said, "when you're drunk you act from the heart."
I dunno how I feel about that.
I've always been of the opinion that alcohol lowers your inhibitions so that you're free to make the wrong decisions.
Kinda looks like the same thing at this point.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:04 AM :::

Thursday, February 26, 2004 :::

my "better half"

David is a good guy, and I love him.
You might have noticed I took his link down. Lots of stuff that goes up on his page is.... in my opinion... vulgar.
It's not something I'd like to be associated with.
I do love him, though. We got in a big fight last night. We're both so... different. We have nothing in common. We don't listen to the same kind of music, we don't enjoy the same type of movies, we don't approach school in the same way... we're just... not compatable.
And yet, here we are.
And I'm gonna stay here.
I will learn to not take things the things he says or does so personally.
Just... I dunno. *shaking head* I'm still crying in the shower over stuff that means nothing to anyone but me.

Guess I'll start working now. Hadn't really been in the mood since I got here.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:23 PM :::

Shopping for Smelly Gunk

we went to walmart to buy some airfreshners earlier.
We happened to find the St. Patrick's Day aisle, and took some pics.
Check my moblog for more.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:25 PM :::

Wednesday, February 25, 2004 :::

big Catholic day today

it's Ash Wednesday. Since I started dating david it seems I've gotten further and further away from my faith. I used to be the textbook Catholic - mass every Sunday, confession every Saturday, and mass at least once on every Holy Day of Obligation. Just over the past year I've more or less stopped going to church. Mostly it's 'cause I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing my beliefs onto him. He's got his own ideas and I need to respect that.
I'm going to mass w/ AJ here in a few. One of the things that I liked about AJ was his faith. Is his faith. He may not be the greatest guy in the world.... and I know he's got some ~major~ flaws, but he is a pretty religious guy. Well, on the surface he is. Sometimes he just seems like a real hypocrite. But he and I used to go to mass together when we were dating. I hadn't been to his church since then, and his priest recognized me. lol.
David doesn't like AJ much. Actually, he doesn't like AJ at all. I was talking to one of David's friends at school (F2 if you recall) the other day. F2 was saying he wouldn't be able to handle it if his gf was carpooling with a guy she used to date. I've been thinking about that a lot. David's not a jealous person... but when we fight he does tend to throw in the whole ex thing.
It's kinda weird. I really consider myself to only have had 2 boyfriends - David and BoB. Everyone else was just some guy I dated for a while. Even the guys I was engaged to. They weren't ever my boyfriends. Weird, huh. I don't think David'd agree.
Ooh, gotta go pick up AJ and head to mass.

::: posted by tinafish at 5:32 PM :::


so I failed my gov't test. *sigh* In my defense... I had missed a week of class directly before the test so all the info in my head was ~really~ hazy.
And I was late to class today because I was almost in a ditch again. The snow's pretty and all, but it's crap to drive in. And we were having a quiz in gov't. *sigh*
So about me almost being in a ditch again - I was cruising along when the car in front of me, for some reason, slams on her brakes. **I say "her" because I just assume all cars are driven by girls. I know I shouldn't, but it's what I do.** So I slam on mine & start to skid. So it's either hit this chick and most likely rip her car up, or avoid her and land in the median again. So I wound up in the median. I didn't get stuck this time, which is a good thing. Then I'd have been ~really~ late for the gov't.
He let us out early on account of less than half the class was there. So here I am in the library blogging.
Gonna surf for a few before my next class.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:31 AM :::

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 11:16 PM :::

reading Nicc's archives again...

Well David's at Daybreak (no surprise) and I'm bored (still no surprise).
So I went back to reading Nicc's archives (I was doing that at work Saturday night).
Here's his first mention of me:


Okay everyone has one of those days where the body decides to tell the mind where to go and how to get there. Well yesturday was my day. I came home from work pretty tired, and actually a tad more tired than I had in recent days. Mostly I think because of the fact that I have been putting insane hours in at work, but it's all for a good cause. Money. Well Yesturday I came home and I went to bed right away, 8:30 AM (EST) I never go to bed at 8:30 usually it's 9, 9:30, 10, 11. 11 is usually my latest unless I have some running around to do or I just can't sleep (i.e. today I had to go to the Dentist's (sadist's) office and well they tortured me). So anyways I went to bed at 8:30 slept til 2 (
in Lubbock that's like Noon Angel, in Fresno that's like 11 Kym, in case the two of you were wondering) when the wife decided to wake me up to Lonestar's "I'm Amazed by You" Which in itself is one of my favorite songs, but not at 2pm when I'm sleeping. So I was pleasent, knowing she didn't mean it, and I asked her to turn it down. Didn't work I was awake for the day, YEAH RIGHT! I was up til about 4, nodded off again, woke up for about 20 min and then I crashed till 11PM (minus the 2 hours and 20 min I was awake, I slept for 12 long hours!) . That's right I slept ALLLLLLLL day! And you know what, I could have gone back to sleep for the better part of that night. I was so gone even heading into work I'm surprised I made it there.

Note: Today is the Anniversary of the Day Jennifer and I first met (well more like got to know each other better I met her for like 10 min one time before then).

posted by Nicc | 8/4/2003 11:51:44 AM

Also that one strip from little gamers that I had posted up here a while back... well Nicc had it "dedicated to his wife" at one point aaaages ago. lol.

::: posted by tinafish at 9:12 PM :::


I have ~got~ to update my top 10 list!!!

::: posted by tinafish at 6:37 PM :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 3:39 PM :::


so I took 2 tests yesterday that I did horribly on, and I took a micro test today and I did horrible.
And I got my micro lab test back. I got a C.
think I'll watch that Blue Collar Comedy Tour here in a bit.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:04 PM :::

Monday, February 23, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 9:14 PM :::


I just added the wishlist button, and it's a bit bigger than I had intended.
guess at least you can't miss it.

::: posted by tinafish at 5:38 PM :::

The Ships of Star Trek

take this quiz!!!
I got 9 out of 10 right.
.oO(I could have sworn the Defiant has shielded armor!)

So anyway... we went to see 50 First Dates last night. I was kinda concerned it was a chick-flick but nicc said some really good things about it, along w/ my buddy forsaken last night. So David & I went to watch it.
And it was a chick-flick
*shaking head*
It wasn't bad, though. Not as funny as the guys had made it out to be. But the d00d adam sandler plays is a real sweetie. wish I had an awesome bf like that. lol. David's not a patient person. He'd have given up on the first day.

I just finished taking a couple of tests. I did ~really~ bad on both of them. I guess I turned my alarm off this morning so I didn't get up in time to study... On top of not studying I hadn't been in class for more than a week since I was sick all last week. I only answered 2 of the 6 essay questions on my history test, and I didn't even know where the stuff on the map was. I better study for the next test in both those classes. Lord knows I need to do well to bring these grades up.
I missed my PE class, so looks like I'll be dropping it.
*shaking head*
And this guy I know was talking about some new legislation where you still have to pay $300 for classes you drop. Guess I should look into that.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:33 PM :::

Sunday, February 22, 2004 :::

David's got a Mobolog!

he's such a copycat!
first the mac, then the phone... now a moblog too.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:40 PM :::

Unconsious Mutterings

bored at work. Doing those little list things Nicc uses on his site.

Angel:: cherub
Birth:: weight
Logic:: Spock
Stars:: sand
Nursery:: NICU - newborn intensive care unit
View:: landscape
Hart:: doe
Creation:: genesis
End:: keep the fork
Fortune:: cookie

Back when I was in nursing school I spent a rotation on S10 - an oncology floor. I saw "Keep the Fork" in a frame in the hall. There was a fork glued to the frame.
Keep the Fork
There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service.
Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
"There's one more thing," she said excitedly
"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.
"This is very important," the woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."
The pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say.
"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the woman asked.
"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.
The woman explained, "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming... like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie.
Something wonderful, and with substance! I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork....the best is yet to come."
The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death, but he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did.
She KNEW that something better was coming.
At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing, another favorite Bible and the fork placed in her right hand.
Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died.
He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.
He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently, that the best is yet to come.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:15 AM :::

You are the current high bidder

I'm bidding on a jersey for Nicc.
I haven't used ebay in the last few months... looks like I'm gonna end up shopping tonight.

::: posted by tinafish at 1:50 AM :::

it was a long hard day

not really. I mean, it was long, but not hard. I'm just more tired than I'd like.
I just got here... so I'm only an hour and a half late for work.
I saw David's car for the first time this morning when I pulled up. I could have sworn it was green - olive green even. Or at least some drab green. It's a nice looking car - as nice as cars go, I guess. I don't really like it, and he got kinda upset 'cause I wasn't all stoked about it... I'm not sure why he's so concerned about what I think of it anyway. I'm not the one who's gonna be driving it. As long as he likes it, that's what matters. I can understand that he'd like my support and all, but I think he should listen a little more to himself than to me or his friends. I mean, I know he thinks trucks are dumb, but there's no way I'll ever voluntarily buy a car. My next vehicle will either be an envoy, a superduty ford, or mabye a suburban... and my dream car is an H1. But any-way; back to the story about the color of the car. Turns out it's blue. Maybe teal. But definetly more blue than green. And no way is it olive green. I dunno what I was thinking this morning. In my defense, my stomach was giving me hell this past morning. Apparently I shouldn't eat 2 boxes of Somoas and half a box of Thinmints all at once.
*shaking head*
I used to eat more - tear through all my cookies in one sitting. But oh man did those cookies kick my ass this morning.
After I drug him out of bed to open his gift we went to lunch at Santa Fe (where I had the ~awesome~ queso!). Then we went home for a bit... so I could blow my nose & check to see what's showing at the theatre.
We were fixing to leave whenever his friend William showed up. It was kinda funny 'cause we were fixing to leave, so he showed up just in time.
We stopped by the theatre and ended up getting tickets for The Butterfly Effect. I was ~not~ a happy camper. Then we went by the sprint store so david could get a new phone, since the one I ran over is working for crap now.
Went home so I could shower before work. David & William played video games 'till I was ready. We stopped by the mall for a bit then went to the movie.
I didn't like it. I mean, it's a good movie... just I didn't like it. Not my scene, ya know?
Then we went back home... I decided to be late to work since I hadn't slept much and was feeling like crap. So I slept in 'till 2320 or so... ended up getting here at ~ 0015. Computers were down when I got here and will be for the next 12 hours. And I'm supposed to ort the new girl.
*rolling eyes*

::: posted by tinafish at 12:47 AM :::

Saturday, February 21, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 3:31 PM :::

he loves it!

I finally managed to get him up to open the gift.
He was still groggy but he was pretty excited.

It's on the mantle for now.

Thanks Nicc!!!

::: posted by tinafish at 11:49 AM :::

I need new tires

I found the tires I want.

I don't think I can get them. The tires I have now are P255/70R15 M+S. These tires are P265/70R-17 GM BSL.
I sure wish Juan would read this!

::: posted by tinafish at 1:57 AM :::

time to edit all my profiles...

so it's been a year. already a year... and yet... only a year.

I guess it's time to change my marital status from "Single, not looking" to "Long-term relationship."

Happy Anniversary David.
I love you.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:02 AM :::

Friday, February 20, 2004 :::

~uber stoked~

it's here! It got here about an hour ago. I went out and bought a card and a bow, since it was already gift wrapped.
I do hope it's not absolute crap.

I can't wait 'till tomorrow!

::: posted by tinafish at 6:40 PM :::

the package has yet to arrive


Some minor modifications to the blog. I changed pics of Squishy... changed the icons for the messengers here on the left... Got rid of Tinkerbell and put in a pic of me. Like it says, I'm thinking I'll change the pic up there every so often. I made the pic wider than the tinkerbell one... so then I had to go and make the text area smaller.... I'm not sure if I like it... may be changing the pic on there pretty soon. I'd really like some sort of thumbnail code that would just show a thumbnail of the pic and then you can click on it to see the full size image... Think I'll try ripping that off of somewhere.
I'm working on a button for my store....
& ~anxiously~ waiting for the UPS guy!

::: posted by tinafish at 3:54 PM :::

Stratch one more off the Wishlist

order it while you can!

::: posted by tinafish at 5:30 AM :::

bittersweet memories

I took those links down a year ago today.
I used to have hidden links on my website... pictures and thoughts, and a poem...

I've been missing him. I'm not sure if "missing" is the right word. I want to know him - how he's doing and such. I wanna see him again. That hasn't been a realistic thought for the last two years.
I'm going down in November. I could see him again.
I might run into him by accident. He'll know I'm down. Someone who knows both of us is bound to see me.
What would I say?
what would i do?

I want to say I'd be civil. There's just no telling, though.
I am happy now. David is a wonderful person and I can't imagine my life without him anymore.

I used to say that about him.
I still do.

I was driving home from school this past afternoon. I was worrying about David's gift getting here in time.
"It's been a year."

Such a short time.

I cannot explain how I made that leap in my mind... from today and tomorrow... back in time to yesteryear.
I do miss him. But I don't want to go back.
This makes no sense.
David is all I want - he fulfills me.
Then why do I miss someone else?

I miss the way he laughs... the way his eyes go from hazel to brown when he's angry... I miss his fuzzy hair when he sweats... I miss...
I do not miss the jealous rage. I do not miss the angry hateful looks he gave me.
But I do miss him.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this.

I love David.
How can I miss someone else?

::: posted by tinafish at 4:24 AM :::


so I read sometimes... well, fairly often. Not just because he's "wesley crusher: boy genius," (although that ~is~ a definite plus) but because he is a man having to deal with life.
What I just finished reading... it is just the most amazing thing.
breath of life

::: posted by tinafish at 2:54 AM :::

it's true

my boss quit. transferred, really. To another floor.

Now my boss is this d00d named Craig, who's nm for S8.

There's another sec on nights now. I just had to explain to her how to stuff charts.
WTF ya know?

So tomorrow's the big day.
Nicc shipped me the package this past evening, so it should be here sometime this morning. Hopefully I can get it wrapped and stuff for David.
We're gonna spend the morning at the Pancake Festival here in town. I'm also gonna try to get him to go to Sante Fe for lunch or dinner. I sure liked that queso.

I got in a fight w/ Lucky this afternoon. He was under the coffeetable w/ the bone I had bought him.... yesterday? Yeah, I think it was yesterday that I took Squishy to the vet. So anyway... he was under there and then I happened to put my feet under there... and so he grabbed hold of my boot. With my other foot I tried to kinda push his head off, but then he turned and grabbed that boot.
I'm just glad I was wearing boots; I didn't feel a thing. If I had been wearing sneakers, I probably would've been a lot rougher in trying to get his head off my foot.

Guess I'll work on some hmwrk. My attendence was so spotty this past week so now I've got a load of catching up to do.

::: posted by tinafish at 1:35 AM :::

Thursday, February 19, 2004 :::

What Might've Been

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long long time
I've got a good life now I've moved on
So when you cross my mind

I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

We could sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes they might be the best days
We will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past

So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away

And try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been

No we'll never know
What might have been

::: posted by tinafish at 5:20 PM :::

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 :::

busy busy busy

there are lots of things I need to do today. Squish has a dr's appt here in about 45 mins... and I need to go to the grocery store to buy: toilet paper, juice, cereal, and a variety of medications. I discovered last night that David is not equipped to deal with any sort of basic emergency...
He had an allergic reaction last night; broke out in monster hives. He has no benadryl or calamine lotion. I'll most likely also get a topical anaesthetic and some pain killers. And a first aid kit. Lord knows he needs one. I don't think he'd have even have a bandaid if it wasn't for me.
*shaking head*
well... I better get Squishy to the vet.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:47 PM :::

the aftermath

I took my test.
And I was crying.
I don't know why.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:11 PM :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 1:36 PM :::

ok so this is weird

yeah... I'm wigging out about my chem test.
And I do mean ~wigging~ out.

I've been sitting here crying... and I don't take the test for another 2 hours.
I don't know what's going on.
I'm afraid I'm going to fail. And I know this is just some joke chemistry class... but I really am afraid.
When I lived in Houston I studied for chemistry. I really did. It was all I studied for, really. I was known as the Queen of the All-Nighters. There was a lounge just outside my dorm room where I could usually be found studying.
I studied my little heart out.
And I failed.
Which takes me back to high school. My sophomore year I took chem w/ this d00d...
Lemme explain about my high school. I went to a magnet school in the valley, and it was one of the best schools in the area.
And I was taking chem with some d00d who really had a thing agst girls (for some reason he thought girls just could not ~do~ chemistry) and also he disliked the "in" clique. So he pretty much hated me.
Every homework I did he "lost" or something... he kept giving me 0's for them. Hmwrk only counted ~ 10% so it wouldn't fail me, but there went my A, ya know? And then.... he thought I was cheating. For some f-ed up reason he thought I was cheating on all my tests. It got to the point where he'd sit me at a table all by myself, and he provided the pencil and calculator. It was ~so~ fucked up.
So I guess I developed some sort of fear of chemistry.
Funny thing is, my junior year I joined the science team and became captain. But for the life of me I always missed the chem questions.
So I'm really worried about this test.
This is the reason I don't do the whole studying thing. Because if I fail like this, I can always say I didn't study. But if I were to study and still fail...
... then I'm just stupid.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:54 AM :::


why do I keep shopping?!?!
here's what I bought:

~and~ I just had the weirdest dream! about... the Gua'uld!

::: posted by tinafish at 9:04 AM :::

View David's Photos

those pics from the snow!

::: posted by tinafish at 8:42 AM :::

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 :::

... want... to... sleep...

here at ihop w/ david studying. I'm so tired I just want to go to bed.
I need to blow my nose, but the tissue in the bathroom is that generic-one-ply-sandpaper toilet tissue.
I already asked to go home... a half hour ago...
we're still here.

woe is me.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:32 PM :::


well I'm feeling a little better... not too great, though. I managed to make it to my micro test and sit through class... but I feel like crap.
*cough cough*
David wants to go to Dallas this weekend... only I don't think I'll be able to go. On top of me being sick, I just found out my boss resigned. I'm really upset about it too. We had a new heart hospital open up here in town, and their pay is hella better than what we all make here... so all these nurses left CMC to work at the heart hospital. For the money. But in the resignation letters and exit interviews they all said the reason they were leaving is 'cause they couldn't handle our boss.
He's a real sweetie and I'm gonna miss him.
Plus, since he treated me like I was his daughter... I'm really gonna have to shape up for our next Nurse Manager. I sure hope it's someone I can get a long with.
So anyway... looks like David and I won't be spending out anniv together.
I'm kinda upset.... but I am learning he's not as sentimental as I am. He's not sentimental at all. And he does need a new car, so I can't blame him.
I filed my taxes just now. Apparently I'll be getting $372 back. WoW. *rolling eyes* I can't even buy new tires with that.
Ooh! David's home!

::: posted by tinafish at 6:43 PM :::

Monday, February 16, 2004 :::

*blowing nose*

I didn't go to class today. It's a helluva time for me to be sick, too. I had a quiz today, 2 tests tomorrow, a quiz and a test on Wed, 2 more tests on Monday, and another test on Tues.
David's been wonderful... dunno what I'd do without him.

He got me the whole set of Star Trek movies for Vday/Anniv. His headphones came in today, so they weren't too late for Vday. The Anniv gift is being shipped to Niccalo' due to some jacked up company... but hopefully it'll get to him in time for him to overnight it to me for the 21st.

Well, I better get to working on my philo test.

::: posted by tinafish at 1:34 PM :::

Sunday, February 15, 2004 :::

*still coughing*

am I dying?

::: posted by tinafish at 6:43 PM :::

*cough cough*

so sick...

::: posted by tinafish at 1:18 AM :::

Saturday, February 14, 2004 :::

After the funeral

So I'm getting sick... not sure if I'm going to work tonight...

The funeral was pretty tense. I introduced David to a lot of my family... only... I'm not too sure what everyone's names are. So pretty much I did a lot of "And this is my boyfriend, David." It was up to him after that. I guess I should've listened to what they said their names were... but... well... I didn't.
My mom's getting shorter. Craziest thing - I was talking to her on the phone on the way out to the funeral... and she busts out with, "I love you." Nothing but silence after that. What was I supposed to say? "Sure Mom I love you too." *rolling eyes* Too little too late, no?
I really don't think it has anything to do with me. I think she's just scared of dying alone. Her sister, the one whose funeral we were all there for... she wasn't the greatest aunt in the world. She really hated my dad, so she pretty much resented all of us. Apparently the night before she died she was asking for my dad and my sis and me.... to perdonala, or to forgive her. I think that's why my mom was saying that.
Anyway... I'm going to bed.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:21 PM :::

Happy Valentine's Day!

it's so beautiful outside. I can't get over it. So serene... like nothing has ever been or will be disturbed. The snow... it's.... amazing.

We went outside for a while earlier to make a snowman. Check my Moblog for some pics.

I think I'm getting sick. And on top of that we've gotta go to a funeral here in a while.
~and~ my mother's in town.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:18 AM :::


one of the nurses from days just called up here... she was crying and stuff... asking to speak to the charge.
Melba (the charge) says, "did you call the fire dept?"
turns out the house next door was on fire. I'm not sure why she called up here... there's nothing any of us can do.

she's called back again.. about 10 mins after the first call. Apparently the water's frozen. I'm not sure how that works... but she is ~wigging~ out.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:24 AM :::

View my Moblog!

::: posted by tinafish at 12:14 AM :::

Friday, February 13, 2004 :::

More Snow!!!

I ~so~ wish I didn't have to work tonight!
It's still snowing outside! Maybe I could build a real snowman!

::: posted by tinafish at 9:12 PM :::

Thursday, February 12, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

::: posted by tinafish at 4:21 PM :::

*skidding into a ditch*

yes, it's true... well, not exactly.
I got stuck in the median earlier. I was driving the 30 or so miles to school this morning, reaching speeds up to a whopping 20 mph. And I'm in the right lane... and then I start fishtailing for no apparent reason... then I careen over to the left lane, I start donut-ing around... and I surprising manage to avoid 2 cars. Then I'm in the median... and I avoid a sign, but that sends me spinning again.
I finally come to rest facing the opposite direction I had been going. It was only like.. 3 spins total.
And so I try getting out, and I almost do... but then I get stuck.
And I'm stuck for about an hour or so. It wasn't bad. The other cars swerving and stuff kept me entertained.
I had called my father so he was on his way out there, but then a Dept of Transportation d00d happens along.
That's a whole other story, but I will say he was awesome!
And now I'm at school again.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:55 AM :::


So it's snowing here... about as much as last time... I better get going to school already....

::: posted by tinafish at 8:12 AM :::

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 :::

my diet does not go well

I've decided to not change my eating habits so drastically.
So instead of dropping everything, I've decided to go for this first month or so with no soda.
And a couple of glasses of water before each meal.
With that said I had an awesome dinner. Started with my 2 glasses of water, then had a can of cold Spaghetti-o's and half a loaf of garlic bread. I wasn't very... satisfied... so I had some dried dates for dessert, and a couple more glasses of water. I'm thinking David won't like what I had, so he'll probably end up getting a burger or something.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:00 PM :::

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 :::

Kelley Blue Book Value

my truck (1998 Chevrolet 1500 Pickup Extended Cab Short Bed) has a resale value of $8650.
my guy's little car (2001 VW Jetta) was worth $10,000.

I like my baby.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:52 PM :::

Wishlist on the Wall

I printed out my amazon wishlist for david... then taped it to the wall in his living room, just in case he doesn't know what to get me for vday.
I'm gonna go ahead and refrain from any sort of prank for this holiday. I still can't think of a way to top the whole Chucky thing anyway.

ok, maybe not whooped, but I did make a B. Check my Moblog for a pic. I emailed that pic to david whenever I got my scantron back, but as far as I know he's not checked his mail yet. I'm uber stoked - maybe I ~can~ make it through the whole semester w/out opening my book (though I think david'd kill me if I returned the book at the end of the sem w/ the shrink wrap still on. lol).

::: posted by tinafish at 4:40 PM :::

Monday, February 09, 2004 :::

heroes in a half shell

We watched The Last Samauri. It was pretty good, only Tom Cruise was in it. And the ending was dumb. Overall, though, it was a good movie.
David had wanted to watch Barber Shop 2, but I'd rather not. I wanted to watch... I don't remember. Torque I think. So we ended up watching The Last Samauri.
His friends Sam, Raul, and the ever popular F1 (mentioned in a previous post) went with us. Now we're back at his apt playing video games. Well, only 3 of us; Sam & Raul left right after the movie.
So I guess at some point I'm gonna really have to bust ass to get my philo test done. I've not been keeping up with the reading so I'm kinda not looking forward to it.
Maybe I'll just get some sleep and worry about the philo test in the morning.
Also, I skipped Chem today... David'll kill me if he finds out (lucky for me he doesn't read my blog. lol!) but if he asks I'm gonna end up being the loser I am and 'fessing up.
My dad fixed my blinker earlier. He changed the oil yesterday and noticed that my right back blinker was out so he was working on that. It kinda kills me how he went through all the trouble of teaching me how to do so many things on my truck, but still for something as small as a blinker being out or changing my oil or changing my tire.... he still makes it so I can't do it without him. Maybe, since he's getting on in years... maybe he's concerned about being useful? I dunno. He's my father and I love him, only... The last time I was putting a new faucet in the bathroom sink, he stood there and just made kinda useless comments - like he wasn't sure I could do it myself.
Oh well. When it comes to my parents I gave up ages ago on trying to understand them. I'm sure he's got his reasons.
Going to bed now.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:52 PM :::

"I can read really fast"

haha! I'm watching StarGate - it's a rerun I saw a few years ago back home.
I'm kinda nervous about going back home. No one here really seems to care about how big I've gotten... but no one knew me before I started whaling.
David's always telling me not to worry... but I've seen the way he kinda looks at those girls... you know... the tiny waisted big busted short haired girls.
It's funny how he likes short hair. Most guys I know... I'm betting most guys in general... they tend to like the long hair.
So anyway... I need to get back in shape for the wedding.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:57 PM :::


check the new Priceline Commercial!!!

::: posted by tinafish at 4:46 PM :::

*scared outta my mind*

I have ~got~ to stop watching xfiles alone!
*holding both squishy and lucky*
At least Hercules is on next.

On a lighter note... or maybe not lighter.... On a different note, David and I had a talk last night. It was... excrutiating. I think sometimes I'm more trouble for him than I'm worth.
I wish I knew what he was thinking.
And can you believe he doesn't want to study tonight? When I finally think I know what we'll be doing for the next week, month, year... he goes and throws me a curve like that.
He wants to go look at cars and maybe watch a movie.
dunno if there's anything worth watching, though. And I'd still rather play some tekken or soul calibur, or ninja turtles. lol.

I talked to a friend of mine from high school last night. I hadn't talked to him in aaaages. It was good catching up.

Oh!!! I'm afraid!

::: posted by tinafish at 3:01 PM :::

Sunday, February 08, 2004 :::

View my Moblog

can't believe I forgot to send this yesterday

::: posted by tinafish at 4:32 PM :::

David's Bday

man, yesterday I sure was a swirl of emotions. I'm glad I didn't ruin his day... anymore than it was already ruined.
here's the card I sent him. lol

::: posted by tinafish at 11:43 AM :::

Saturday, February 07, 2004 :::


I'm in a much better mood now - I've gotten some sleep and something to eat...
We just got back from having dinner with David's mom and stepfather and one of his uncles.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant called Sante Fe. mmmmmmmmmm the food was ~delicious~ and I am ~so~ stuffed!
I loved their queso!
And the ironic part?
David didn't like it at all.

I'm trying to convince david to go to bed early tonight - to not stay up late studying since it's his birthday and all. I dunno if he's gonna listen to me or not... probably not.

Anyway... I think it's Species 2 that we're watching... kinda spooky, but I think I can handle it.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:04 PM :::

more turmoil

we just got back from the ER, and apparently the fun never stops with me.
I'm upset again.
See... I was under the impression that David wanted me to go with him. Probably stemming from him asking me if I wanted to go.
So I went. And then he got mad when I went with him to register. I don't understand why he even asked me to go. I was at work all night, I slept a couple of hours... then we started the day.
I'm just angry that I had to sit in a ~very~ uncomfortable chair in this smelly waiting room with dirty people for more than two hours.
If he didn't want me to go with him I could have been in bed asleep!

I'm beginning to resent his mother.
How fucked up am I?

::: posted by tinafish at 4:35 PM :::


I don't know what's wrong with me. I love David, and I'm thankful he's ok.
Then why am I crying? What is it about me that makes me so damned....? self-centered.
There's the rational part of me that just wants to go to him and hold him and just be thankful he's alive. And then there's the real me. That part of me deep inside that is just ~pissed off~.
What is it about me that makes me think my feelings are the only ones that matter?
Why am I upset that he called his mother first?
I feel like... like when it comes to his list of things that are important in his life... it'd be his mom, school, work, friends, and then me.
I thought about leaving work to go see him. But what would I do? His mother's already there - and she's been there for him for the last 27 years. I just met the guy.
I feel... stupid.
Like he doesn't have the same feelings for me that I have for him. and if he does, they're certainly not as strong.
I was starting to think he'd finally come around... that he was finally starting to feel like it was "us" not just him.. not just me.
I guess I'll always come up short. I can either get used to it, or leave.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:45 AM :::


david was just in a car accident.
a semi hit him and totalled his car.

thank god he's alright.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:21 AM :::


Happy Birthday Hun!!!
I love you!

::: posted by tinafish at 12:03 AM :::

Friday, February 06, 2004 :::


I've been dloading new widgets the last few mins. I can't see I'm too happy with them all, but not that I'm unhappy either.
I got some pretty awesome ones... like a rubik's cube and some other games.
I dloaded this thing called BlogPost... I don't like it though. For now I'll just keep going through all the trouble of loading safari. lol.
Anyway... I've gotta get ready for work in a few.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:53 PM :::


I ran over david's phone.
It was an accident. Apparently it fell out of his car, 'cause when I pulled into the parking spot... well...
When I got out of my truck I dropped a parking garage ticket so I reached down to pick it up... that's when I found david's phone.

Check my moblog for a pic.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:10 AM :::


I was working on this long post about how I did on my microbiology test, and about my psycho work-out teacher, but this comp is for crap and it didn't go through... guess I'll talk some about it later or something...

::: posted by tinafish at 6:08 AM :::

Philosphical Response

I read an interview once where someone was interviewing Stephen Hawking. Apparently he had mathmatically proven that the entire universe - all the stars, planets, and life - had risen from a single quark. This quark was very dense and therefore unstable. He went to great lengths to discuss how he had come to this conclusion. When asked how the quark got there, he responded, "god."
I think everyone who believes in God has a disctinct advantage over those who don't. For all "believers" there is that confidence throughout life - that everything is part of a "bigger picture." Even though there is no proof of this, we all believe anyway.
I am Catholic, and when I was a senior in high school I was Confirmed. At every mass we recite The Apostle's Creed - a prayer that lists what we, as Catholics, believe. Before I was confimed, I took the time to kind of study this prayer to be sure I believe in all it says. While I don't fully understand the world around me or the reason for things happening, I have taken that leap of faith that allows me to believe.
For a long time, I was torn between what I believed while at church and while at school, but if Stephen Hawking is able to admit that at some point something higher than all of us stepped in and gave our universe that first push, I can believe too.
Like that quote says, "a little science takes you away from God but a lot of science brings you closer."

::: posted by tinafish at 2:32 AM :::

Wednesday, February 04, 2004 :::

guillotine for sale

heh... apparently my buddy Chris is selling his guillotine... take a look.

On a totally different note...
My whole sitemeter thing is giving me garbage, and I'm not sure why. That little icon is too ghey to keep.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:37 PM :::

trying to expand my horizons

you know how amazon has that little "look inside" thing they're so proud of? It really irks me how most of the time (in my experience, anyway) when you choose to "look inside" all you get is the entire table of contents plus maybe 3 pages of actual text. It's such a rip-off!
Anyway... here's what I was looking at.
Oh and just in case any of you want to buy me something, here's a link to my wishlist...
erm... or just run a search for me (
I'm still updating!

::: posted by tinafish at 8:18 PM :::

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 :::

can't sleep clowns will eat me

not really. David put some fishsticks in the oven, so that's the reason I'm not asleep already. For some reason I've been really sleepy lately, just wanting to sleep all the time... seems like I can't function well on less than 12 hours of sleep.
Guess I'm getting old. I remember in high school 4 hours of sleep seemed like too much.
I've gone from "I can sleep when I'm dead" to "Take me home - I'm going to bed."
I really should be doing hmwrk instead of sleeping. I've got a couple of quizzes tomorrow and I'm just not gonna study for them.
not that I haven't tried. We went to DayBreak earlier, but apparently it was field day or something 'cause we hadn't been there 10 minutes when the place was attacked by high school students. Maybe college freshmen.... I dunno.
So we left @ 2200, instead of the 2400 we had originally planned.
Ooh! fishsticks are done!

::: posted by tinafish at 10:03 PM :::

View my Moblog

OMG!!! My friend AJ's roommate John has a prarie dog!!!

::: posted by tinafish at 7:37 PM :::

Monday, February 02, 2004 :::

only every other memory

I played video games with my friend DF today. We had loads of fun. Time always goes by so fast when I'm playing games with him.
My ex called me a few days ago. He said he talked to my brother. I dunno - I think that's kinda weird.
I miss him some. Well. It's true. I miss how he used to call me and leave messages of him singing some song that came on the radio just 'cause it reminded him of me.
David doesn't do that kind of thing. I mean, we see each other all the time, so I guess he shouldn't need to. Just there's nothing that makes my day quite like getting an email from him, or a phone call, or something... just to say hi... or that he loves me...
Our anniv is coming up. I've been meaning to ask Niccalo' if he's gotten any updates about the gift.
David's not really used any of the gifts I gave him for his bday or vday. So I took the liberty of ordering him a couple of other things I'm hoping he'll like.
Anyway. I'm gonna put a load in the wash now, then hopefully get some sleep. I think I have a philo test in the morning...
*uber stressed*
hahaha... not really!

::: posted by tinafish at 10:27 PM :::

Sunday, February 01, 2004 :::


Courtesy of Little Gamers

::: posted by tinafish at 4:53 AM :::