Friday, December 31, 2004 :::
I�d forgotten why I stopped reading as much as I used to.
I used to love.
and now I don�t.
These books just make me want to fall in love... in love like the characters in the story.
Only thing is, I don�t believe in love anymore.
I used to think it was the only thing that mattered.
Now it�d be easier for me to ride a unicorn than to love someone.
and that makes me sad.
With that said, I�m gonna get my bum up and showered... and try to find someone to go to the strip with me.
At least if I get out there this early, I can buy some liquor.
*sigh*
look at the crumpled mess that is left of me.
who am I anymore?
::: posted by tinafish at 2:34 PM :::
Thursday, December 30, 2004 :::
and he's our supervisor ya'll...
and so tim has the married d00d try it on his computer... and it works fine...
blah blah blah
turns out tim wasn't connected to the internet... he didn't even have an ethernet cord plugged in.
*shaking head*
so doke still hasn't signed his lease... so he's gonna go by the office in the morning.
I asked him to remind me to go fuss at them about my mail, the tub, and the carpet... he said he'd mention it for me.
So I think they put in the padding this afternoon... like... I vaguely remember thinking the floor felt squishy whenever I was leaving for work.
I don't think they replaced the carpet, in which case I'm not very happy with them. It's kinda stained and all from the flood... and frankly that's just gross.
my sis gave me her prepaid cellphone... so at least now I can call someone if anything goes wrong (like the water line exploding again) or if my engine catches fire while I'm driving down the road (it's never happened to me but it happened to a friend's when I was with him one day) or something else off the wall happens.
so anyway...
dan's gone to his parent's for the day... I'm aiming to go by the strip and clean the apt up a bit... however well I can, anyway.
I love the gipsy kings.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:34 PM :::
like... she (and I use "she" loosely) is living proof ogres are real.
yeah... and she was not being very nice to the wait staff there, which is fine - 'cause godwilling she won't ever go there again - but since I go there often... we left our waitress a big tip.
um... I guess that's all for now.
::: posted by tinafish at 4:16 PM :::
Wednesday, December 29, 2004 :::
it's getting closer and closer to No More Dan day.
and closer and closer to doke moving in.
I'm not sure how it's gonna go... and I'm scared.
I'm not too much for worrying about stuff I can't change or help... so it's not something I've really let bother me...
but it's gonna be... different.
and I'm worried.
dan's turned out to be one of the best friends I've had in a while... second only to lus and mike. I was talking to lus this morning about the difference btwn "guys" and "friends." I don't think lus realizes how much he means to me.
guess I'm good at that.
adrian's going to dallas for new years. great fun.
dan's gonna stay in town after all, so we're gonna do something. I have no idea what, but since this is the first year I've been drinking... I would like to go out and get plastered.
But I do that most days... so I just can't decide.
lol.
ooh...
*looks at clock*
almost time to go home!
::: posted by tinafish at 9:51 PM :::
here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded
and I was talking to a couple of friends... I'm not sure how it came up but it did... the whole bit about david and the holidays and I just really wanna love someone.
and that got me a bit depressed...
so I decided I wanted to go to speeds & get plastered.
then I decided I'd rather just go out for brkfst.
I went over to my sis's to do some laundry, get my christmas gifts, and use her phone. I called lus, no answer... then I called my friend david fraga... then lus called back... and we were off!
we were gonna go to ranch house for brkfst - he loves it there (methinks that's the place I was talking about here). We were driving by the pour house and I mentioned that we should jack around for a bit and wait for the pour house to open... so we turned around and headed to speeds.
remember how I said lus knows someone no matter where we go? well, he knew some guy sitting at the bar (sean) who was there when we got there. so we pulled up next to him... and I proceeded to nurse a gin & tonic for the next two hours.
lus also knows the barkeep (RJ). the four of us (lus, rj, sean, and me) were just sitting there talking about whatever... and they're all in their 30s... and we were talking about how I didn't used to drink... I also told the story about the gin & tonic + pineapple = gross... and... I'm not sure where it came from (looking back now I'm guessing rj just likes tequila) but rj was asking if we liked tequila... and... I'd never had tequila before.
So all 4 of us take shots... and... it's not what I expected. No lime or salt 'cause it was chilled (?). It was a lot smoother than I'd imagined, and didn't burn at all. At that point the guys were ragging on me and rj was faking insult about me not drinking the gin & tonic, so I drank it. Then I started drinking smirnoffs... and then rj brought us all red-headed sluts... a couple of times.
we played the elvis pinball machine a few times - they had just gotten it in but for whatever reason it's getting switched for the ripley's pinball machine. I dunno why. It's probably already been replaced.
Then Sammy (another guy lus knows) brought in a pizza & some buffalo wings... so we ate.
We were jacking around with some sort of TABC certified display thingy that's supposed to tell you how much you can drink over a certain period of time... and um...
then lus and I went to pour house for lunch....
we were both a bit drunk.... and... I had 2 bites of my sandwhich and I was ~stuffed~. lus had a bite of his burrito and a bite of my sandwhich and he was done.
then we left...
and I went home and went to bed.
I slept through 30 mins of my alarm going off... when I woke up I tried to email the chach but I couldn't get my mail to go through...
so yeah.
I wonder how lus is holding up...
::: posted by tinafish at 8:50 PM :::
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 :::
ok so like...
the tub drains ~so~ slowly! I'm like.... standing in the shower w/ water up to my knees.
and...
I'm still not getting my mail.
and...
there's no dishwasher. *grr*
and...
IT'S 10 DEGREES COLDER IN MY BEDROOM THAN IN DAN'S!!! In his room this morning it was ~ 70 degrees. Mine? 59!!!!
*freezing*
::: posted by tinafish at 10:34 PM :::
your daily dose of screenshots
I thought this was the cutest pic ever!
::: posted by tinafish at 3:02 AM :::
"some times I do what I want to do...
that's my favorite line from gladiator.
I like this movie a lot, and I just now realized where else I've seen this chick.
Not only is she in my favorite move (soldier) she's also in one of my other favorite movies (the hunted). I've also seen mission to mars, but I don't recall her being in it.
so yeah... I guess I should have recognized her sooner.
I saw david at walmart earlier. I freaked out. again.
*sigh*
I always freak out when I see him... I could feel my heart beating and I could hear my blood pumping...
I do wish I'd just come to terms with it.
At least I was still able to pick up my ketchup.
I wanna play world of warcraft.
I think it'd be fun.
I'm aiming to stay home loads more when doke moves in... it'd be great to have a game to play.
I was meaning to take a picture of the sword... I don't know if I'm going to. I think I'll take it in the morning when the sun's out and it's not so dark/dreary in here.
I've also got to go by the office in the morning.
I want my mail!
::: posted by tinafish at 2:04 AM :::
Monday, December 27, 2004 :::
*sneeze*
we're going to the strip tonight!!!
yay!
beeeeeeeeeeeeer!
::: posted by tinafish at 10:12 PM :::
adrian gave me a sword for christmas. it's pretty awesome. I've got it just propped up against the wall right now... I need to figure out somewhere cool to put it.
um...
we watched gladiator after in hell. that's a good movie. adrian slept through most of it. I squirted him w/ a syringe full of cold water. that woke him up. lol.
and I guess that's it.
I talked to my friend DF earlier... since he's mexican I figured he'd know where the 24 hour josie's is. And I was right! He's supposed to come over in the morning to catch up, so I guess I should get some sleep.
::: posted by tinafish at 5:19 AM :::
Sunday, December 26, 2004 :::
I was up late last night... 'till ~ 0830 or so...
and I still woke up ~ 1400. weird, eh?
I've cleaned up too - I washed dishes and all.
I dunno if that counts, since as soon as I washed dishes I decided to make this pie... and now I think it may actually be worse than it was before I did the dishes.
dan's not back yet. I wish he was.
I'm rather bored.
I was gonna watch a movie, but I think the mail guy is not leaving my mail for me. I think he's sending it back... or something. I dunno, but I still haven't gotten any more dvds from netflix... and they said the reason that copy of the emperor's new groove didn't get here was 'cause the mail guys sent it back saying I don't live here.
*sigh*
ooh! I think my pie is done!
::: posted by tinafish at 8:17 PM :::
it didn't happen.
doke had invited me over to his mom's for lunch... I bailed. he stopped by later w/ a plate for me and some ~awesome~ strawberry shortcake.
/me loves strawberry shortcake.
I talked to david today.
*sigh*
I called lus... and he wasn't about to let me hang out all day alone.
doke came by w/ the food, and I ate it... a few mins later lus got here & we were off!
We went to buffalo wild wings & watched the game... lus knows people everywhere we go; it's crazy. He must've known... 10 other people there. We had the best seat in the house - right in front of the bar & big tele. it was great. and the chiefs won! go chiefs! **high five dan!**
then we went over to my friend marleen's again, to give my sis my dad's cell phone... and... I'd forgotten how well lus gets along w/ my dad. doke was embarrassed... or something... so he didn't go in... lus & my dad can shoot the bull for hours (literally - it's happened before). so yeah.
then we stopped by the spoon... had to pay the cover & we didn't even stay long enough to see the band! *grr* again we ran into loads of lus's friends... the barkeeps are really cool there... and um... we left whenever lus decided he should take a nap before work (can you believe he had to work both christmas eve & christmas day? thank god I don't work @ a hospital anymore).
um...
then we went to billiards... one of doke's friends - that d00d I called cherokee... he's a lot of fun. he takes pool & foosball ~way~ too seriously... and he's awful opinionated about things that don't matter. Like we spent a good 20 mins talking about how he used to get laid a lot more often when he had long hair than he does now. lol. ok, so maybe some of the stuff we talk about does matter... but I promise it doesn't usually. He's great, ya'll. and he ~does~ have a blue phone!!! rofl.... um... nm. yeah, this other d00d... methinks his name is mark... he's a cool enough fella. And the barkeeps there are great too. We almost won a free shot, since I can name off all 8 reindeer, but some other guy beat us to the bar. we stayed 'till ~ 0130... which is funny, 'cause cherokee's supposed to be at work @ 0430. yikes. Billiards reminds me a lot of speeds, only whenever I go to billiards my eyes hurt from all the smoke or something... I feel like I should be wearing goggles or something.
I just finished watching D2K. I wasn't bothered enough to move the tv & stuff back a bit from the couch, and I didn't feel like looking through my bag (for thx:1138), so I just watched dress to kill again. I haven't seen it in a while, and I like it a lot... so I had a good time.
I'm pretty tired now, though.
adrian invited me to a family thing in the morning... think I'm gonna pass. I'm not much for getting out of bed before 1400.
*yawn*
and that concludes my christmas celebration.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:59 AM :::
Saturday, December 25, 2004 :::
here's me & joe martin. this image is awful blurry - methinks I was trying to help him hold the camera in place... we were going through the drive-thru at jack in the box... it was after I was at that bachelor party.
and here's my torn up carpet... it was about half way across the living room, all the way from the door to past the kitchen area. it's really gross. like... ~really~ gross. and the carpet guy said he really hopes it gets done before next week, but he wasn't willing to promise it.
I'm not real upset about the mess, just that it seems to be making me sneeze.
*sneeze*
see?
*grr*
::: posted by tinafish at 3:20 AM :::
::: posted by tinafish at 2:16 AM :::
it still sucks, ya'll.
the kicker is that one scene where data says, "lock and load."
I hate that!
*grr*
I used dan's isight last night... he'd been saying he couldn't get it to work, but I used it last night on yahoo to cam w/ slave for about an hour straight just fine. when he got home from work today we were comparing prefs... and they're exactly the same. Only whenever he starts to broadcast all that shows up is a black screen, but whenever I broadcast the image shows up fine.
weird, eh?
*shrug*
I still haven't decided what I'm going to do tomorrow - for christmas.
I had planned on getting pretty toasted & playing soul calibur all day... but seeing as how the living room's in shambles 'cause of the flood... I just dunno if that's gonna happen or not.
If all else fails I could always just bring the tv in here & play... only I meant to get a party pack of smirnoffs, another bottle of special reserve, a 3 liter coke, a bottle of gin, some tonic water, a bottle of di amore, and a bottle of apple juice.
I don't think the liquor store will be open tomorrow...
guess I'll just hafta make do w/ what I already have.
it'd be a helluva lot easier to do if I had my blender!
*glaring at aj*
hm.... I just remembered I'm also out of buttershots.
*sigh*
::: posted by tinafish at 2:03 AM :::
Friday, December 24, 2004 :::
well...
the water line exploded.
and um... icus was swimming.
I was gonna like.. go fix it myself... 'cause like... I'm sure I could've fixed it w/ a monkey wrench or two... and lucky for me! I've got two! only thing about it - the laundry room was flooded, so I put on waterproof boots...
but I was already dressed for mass, and the water was just gushing out all over the place... so I didn't. I called maintenance.
I was pretty stoked when the maintenance guy came out, and some plumber d00d, and also some fella to clean the carpet.
we went to mass after that... um... lots of hobby catholics there.
the lady singing needed to take a step (actually, a couple of steps. about fifteen. give or take 10) back from the mic...
and they just skipped the homily. I dunno why.
I guess I'd been hoping to kinda rediscover my faith... but with no homily how the hell was that gonna happen?
*sigh*
then we went to my friend marleen's for dinner... I ate a ~lot~ of ham. about as much as adrian did.
and I put cheese in my mashed potatoes... only I put a bit too much... so it's more like I was having cheese w/ mashed potatoes and the occasional piece of corn.
marleen's got a beautiful house ya'll.
I ate so much I was ready for a nap.
when I got home I remembered about the flood (kinda hard to ignore - big fan, stench, and pulled up carpet as soon as I walked in) and it kinda took away my sleepiness.
So I blog. lol.
methinks we're gonna watch insurrection now. can you believe adrian hadn't ever heard of it? he thought nemesis was star trek 9.
*shaking head*
I can ~not~ believe he beat me at star trek trivia.
*sigh*
::: posted by tinafish at 10:30 PM :::
Thursday, December 23, 2004 :::
my niece & nephew are supposed to come visit me tomorrow, so I'm gonna clean the apt, for real this time.
I got yelled at today here at work, so I think I'm gonna go out tonight. I could sure use a reason to laugh.
*sigh*
I'm listening to perfect world, by simple plan, off still not gettin' any.
I love that song.
eek! another project!
::: posted by tinafish at 9:20 PM :::
can't manage to break the tradition...
I've never won.
*sigh*
adrian beat me, though... not by luck but because he's actually more into star trek than I am.
weird, eh?
I also finally fixed those shelves I bought sunday night.
doke & I had started putting them together, but we got 'em all turned inside out and stuff.
I fixed 'em, and I had hoped my star trek books would all fit on it, but they don't.
I stopped by my sis's before coming home after work... she's a nut, ya'll.
I also flirted w/ bringing over my star trek toys... particulary the borg drone & klingon warrior of the alien combat series... I'm glad I didn't, since I'd have no where to put them.
Adrian and I... we're quite the pair.
We have a lot in common... and you'd think that'd make it so we get along really well, but it leads mostly to us both being really frustrated.
go figure.
*sigh*
and I ~still~ have no idea what to get him for christmas.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:43 AM :::
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 :::
everyone else has had more sex than me!!!!
(this is dan's theme song!)
see? he thinks so too!
::: posted by tinafish at 9:13 PM :::
what's with the scottish accent?
dan, lus, adrian, and I went to the pour house last night. I had a good time. We all get a long really well, so that's always a plus. adrian was drinking a lot. and he was the one driving. it was kinda scary. like... I guess it's just weird that he doesn't act any differently, but he'll reek of alcohol.
Then we went to this place called... Whisky Dix... I think.... to watch a couple of guys we know play. I hadn't realized how late it was... we got there ~ half an hour before last call. We also missed their performance.
I saw a few of doke's friends there... that was kinda... awkward.
We stayed there 'till ~ 0300 or so... and then... then adrian and I started fighting.
Lus decided to throw an afterparty at his shop... invited me & adrian... for obvious reasons we didn't go.
Once I got home I had a bit of crown... then I called doke, just to let him know I saw bits of his crew at that bar... and I was a bit drunk... I remember talking with a scottish accent, which I thought was ~really~ weird. I still have no idea where that came from.
I'd gone to bed, but woke up again to call lus to tell him I wasn't gonna make it out to that afterparty...
I also talked to this d00d named todd, who apparently I met at this party I was at this past saturday night.
small world, eh?
and now I'm at work. we've duct taped tim to his chair. great fun.
::: posted by tinafish at 5:20 PM :::
when it snows... it blizzards... or something.
I dunno... I can think pretty clearly... but um...
I've been pretty outspoken, so that must mean I'm drunk.
or at least not sober.
um.... I can't remember what I wanted to say.
::: posted by tinafish at 4:36 AM :::
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 :::
Um... I watched a st:tos episode last night.
it was horrible, ya'll.
there was some huge rabbit that came running by... but it was just some d00d dressed up in a big rabbit outfit... and then some little blonde chick that was supposed to be alice.
it was dumb.
And you know what I realized?
I never did explain the post title "he burped me."
here's what happened.
You know how I was drinking when I was making those shells and cheese friday night?
well I burped... just a little burp... and adrian was like, "there's more in you..." and he pressed on my stomach...
and I ~burped~ ya'll.
like - omg I burped.
it was this gut-wrenching burp that lasted a good 5 seconds... really gross.
we spent the next few mins laughing about it.
and there. now I've explained it.
and now, a message... brought to you by milkdud.
Hail Satan!
-Milkdud
::: posted by tinafish at 4:22 PM :::
Monday, December 20, 2004 :::
so happy winter-een-mas ya'll!
::: posted by tinafish at 11:33 PM :::
Miami wins!!!
I was rooting for 'em... quite the underdog.
plus I love their little orange outfits.
madd interceptions ya'll.
awesomeness!
~ 30 seconds left...
rawk!
\m/
and miami wins their 3rd game of the year!
::: posted by tinafish at 11:12 PM :::
honestly, I'd rather spend the day alone.
I was thinking about how drastic my life has changed since last christmas...
and not just things btwn david and me....
changes to the core of me... like my faith, my outlook on life, and most drastically the things I consider right and wrong.
I was looking at pictures... and old video... the mpegs from last christmas...
I was thinking about david's mom... and how much I miss her. she was really starting to be the awesome, loving, supportive mother figure I never had. and his stepfather, too. they were both always so nice to me... and it made me distrust them... took another 6 months before I realized that they were being sincere.
I made him a coffee table for christmas last year... and they were proud of me. no matter that I didn't finish it completely - that the stain was still sticky since I didn't start making it 'till a few days before christmas... they were proud that I'd taken the time to make him something... ya know?
I miss how his whole family was so accepting of me...
and they thought I was good for him.
heh.
I sure proved them wrong on that one.
I was thinking about this one conv I had with his mom... how she tried to give me some insight about him and his habits.
I dunno.
this christmas just feels so much different than last year's.
*sigh*
and I'd really just rather spend the day alone.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:51 PM :::
"I insult old ladies to get laid."
he insulted some old lady at quizno's, and then got hit on by 3 sorority chicks.
haha!
sorry... I'm really sleepy.
I didn't get much sleep last night...
methinks I may blog about why tonight at home.
um... my niece sandra & my nephew pabs are in town...
\m/
it's great, but they wanna come see my place.... so um...
I've gotta do something w/ all the beer bottles.
yikes.
oh and guess what! I hit tim w/ a piece of lettuce!
::: posted by tinafish at 6:34 PM :::
Sunday, December 19, 2004 :::
return to sender... address unknown...
got home a while ago...
I was toasty but not toasted... it was easy enough to get along w/ most of the folks there... and I ran into a couple of guys that I've met before...
um...
the highlight of my day was kicking sarah out.
*shaking head*
we also busted apart a bottle of guiness. took quite a bit of effort... and do they all come w/ those white things in them?
*tilting head*
I'm dead tired now.
we were trying to watch the emperor's new groove, but all three of us were kinda dozing...
I'm going to bed now.
::: posted by tinafish at 4:22 AM :::
Saturday, December 18, 2004 :::
Now I thought about telling adrian, but I didn't. I was sure it'd just ruin the movie for him, and he'd either sit there stewing for 2 hours, or he'd skip out on the movie to fix the tire.
plus, he was already kinda peeved since he'd lost the paper that he wrote the confirmation number (for his niece's ticket) on...
So like I said, I didn't tell him. it's only a flat tire, ya know?
And during the whole movie I was trying so hard to not forget to tell adrian about his tire as soon as the movie got out.
but you know how I can be... I forgot.
I didn't remember 'till we were ~ 15 seconds from his truck.
My big intro to the um... telling him he had a flat tire was... "oh and by the way...."
it was pretty funny ya'll.
Um... and now I'm watching Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys.
it's ridiculous.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:40 PM :::
after work we decorated iccus... and then adrian & I and AJ & John went to the strip. I picked up the sampler of the smirnoff twists, and a 6 pack of guiness for adrian.
since dan said he was gonna ride with us we came back home after the strip, to grab him. Only he was still just chilling w/ Bradley (the guy he's moving in with) and ~still~ unshowered. so I started drinking... and in the time it took me to make a package of shells & cheese I had tried each flavor of smirnoff. **on a side note, I tried something Milkdud mentioned... and then shared w/ the guys what he had said... and also I made the same noise when my mouth was full of shells & cheese... laughed so hard at dan's reaction that I lost the water I was trying to drink... and then I told some chick at the bar the same thing... right before she tried to kiss me...**
I was a bit drunk by the time trey called... apparently it's not only wine coolers that kinda kick my ass, but flavored beers too. Trey'd left crickets, so we met up with him at the library... and I had a few crown & cokes... and then finally dan, aj, and john got there and ordered shots of whatever that waitress gave us the other night... yager bombs, or something... and I drank dan's. Then I went to the bathroom, and on my way back to the guys I noticed some chick looking at me, so I looked back. and um... you know how I lick my lips when I've been drinking? well... she took it personally. she walked up to me and we talked a bit - I mentioned the noise my mouth made when filled with shells and cheese... and she like, tried to kiss me. I was like, "um... I'm gonna go find the guys I'm here with," and pretty much ran off.
Um... what else? We left, finally... and I was rather drunk... we stopped for tacos, or something... and I remember dancing around the parking lot... and that it was hot so I took off my sweater... I'm glad adrian was driving.
By the time we made it back here the guys were already here.
Oh yeah. I got sick. it was pretty gross, ya'll.
About 0530 or 0600 I woke up, like I do. No one wanted to talk, though, so I ended up going back to bed.
so far all I've done today is watch the tail end of SuperTroopers **thanks tim!** and then a bit of the beginning, too.
we're gonna have lunch @ saigon... and watch a movie, or something like that, this afternoon.
AND OMG!
I got the emperor's new groove in the mail today.
*sigh*
after I reported a shipping problem.
and I've been having some serious trouble getting the mailbox open.
I'm a goober, ya'll.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:40 PM :::
Friday, December 17, 2004 :::
doesn't he look great, ya'll?
and you can kinda see my shrub, making a guest appearance there on the entertainment center...
::: posted by tinafish at 9:36 PM :::
the orgasmic popcorn and foreplay pickle
the jesus fan's being a real dick!
erm... I had put in turd, but milkdud went ahead and replaced "turd" w/ "dick."
um... the point of this post...
Milkdud is saying that he never called me a bitch, 'cause that's just mean.
Apparently he called me a jackass... or something.
and now he's sitting here playing chase w/ the mouse... it's like... one of my favorite things to do...
to watch him do, rather.
it's really amusing.
or maybe I'm just easily amused?
probably both.
Oh! I just remembered!
Parrot Boy came back here a few days ago and Milkdud had done something...
and parrot boy came out with this little story:
My name is Jordan and I live in a box.
My box is round.
My favorite color is clear.
One day I painted my box.
And then I lost it.
it was really funny.
::: posted by tinafish at 5:38 PM :::
I feel naked - I forgot to put my watch on.
and um... one of the other installers is working w/ adrian right now... and he (the other installer) called in to check a connection... and asked me what I was wearing... and then asked if I wanted to know what he's wearing...
and I guess he said that he was WITH adrian...
but I heard him say that he's WEARING adrian.
lol
so yeah...
and it seems adrian, much like the chach, is trying to back out of going to cricket's tonight.
*sigh*
::: posted by tinafish at 5:10 PM :::
I should be... half a mile... from here...
adrian & I went to pour house, and dan met up with us there.
that little fella had 8 or 9 beers last night... most of them @ Jake's w/ Sarah.
I was drinking crown and cokes... and I tasted a bit of adrian's scotch.
it was weird - like... tasted like crayons... and I had enough time to say that to him...
then my throat IGNITED.
lol.
it was... odd.
I mean... I'll drink special reserve straight, and it's warm on the way down... but this stuff... set fire to my esophagus.
*shaking head*
he had a few beers on top of that scotch, and our waitress gave us a round of shots, since she kept bringing us the wrong stuff. she's a real sweetie. I was hoping dan'd score.
speaking of dan, he got carded. I've never been carded there before. it sure made my day.
He and adrian get along really well.
we're supposed to go to criquet's (sp?) tonight... w/ AJ & John... apparently we're turning it into some ex-marine day out or something. The chach is supposed to go too, but no telling.
With all that said, I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
oh one last thing.
I was trying hard to remember this song... and I was asking adrian... but I really had nothing to go on. all I could remember is they say something about "eye" and that it's in a fight scene or something in an action movie... and that it sounds kinda like 004 from xXx.
and he guessed right, ya'll.
I was talking about "I against I," by Mos Def & Massive Attack, off the Blade 2 soundtrack.
I thought that was really awesome.
anyhow... for real this time... g'night.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:08 AM :::
Thursday, December 16, 2004 :::
omg that's hilarious.
so um... doke is still getting garbage from his friends... and I mean... yeah it's great that they all care so much about him... but some of the stuff that's being said..
dunno if I mentioned this on here, but Sarah (dan's last chick) said some of the same things to dan that doke's friends are saying to him.
It was pretty fucked up when she did it.
And it's pretty fucked up that they're doing it.
when it comes down to it, none of them know me. and they can all fuck off.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:40 PM :::
::: posted by tinafish at 2:40 PM :::
my last best friend, Joe, and this chick he was crushing on for a while, Monica, were there too...
and eventually BoB showed up.
it's all a bit sketchy at this point... what I'm wondering is why I'm stretching this dream out.
why don't I just have it all one night?
::: posted by tinafish at 2:08 PM :::
it was great, ya'll.
so here's another movie I think you all should see.
It was surprisingly packed for the late show on a weeknight... but I guess with school over it was fair game.
oh! I almost forgot: Eddie Izzard's in it. that alone made it worthwhile.
Then we went to walmart... since nothing else is open.
Poor adrian was yawning before we even got there, but I still drug him out.
*shaking head*
I really oughtta be more... I dunno... what's the word I'm looking for?
*shrug*
I dunno. I've been like this all day. I keep forgetting things.
*sigh*
guess I'm going to bed now... I may watch thx 1138...
no telling, really.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:42 AM :::
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 :::
we were sitting on my bed and he starts looking around...
and I'm like, "what ~are~ you looking for?"
and he's like, "my self-esteem."
and we laughed for a while 'cause it was pretty funny.
today... I don't remember what happened... oh yes. I was insulting tim's ~awesome~ sex life.
and he was like, "ouch."
and it made me laugh and it reminded me of adrian looking for his self esteem.
so I told them about it.
and MilkDud called me a bitch.
and The Chach agreed...
and then I was telling adrian about it...
lol...
actually, he's a screenshot:
omg... the chach asked what "aloof" means, and I told him... but he didn't believe me so he looked it up... so I told him again, and then he read me the definition... and it was exactly what I'd said! well, I used different words, but the gist of it was the same.
and he said I insulted him... and I did, but it was 'cause he didn't believe me... and he said it was 'cause webster didn't usually include references to marijuana...
rofl
I promise it was really funny.
um... yeah.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:55 PM :::
apparently I was near a mall in the valley, at some school just visiting and I ran into these two girls, cyndi & luci, and we were talking about going out that night, to some bar in mexico... and it was funny �cause I was trying to give cyndi my phone number but I couldn�t remember it.
And Joe Martin was there but mostly he was there to watch the texas chainsaw massacre in some sort of private theatre at the school we were at... then I saw BlueMonkey... we were at some sort of public performance... and I had a pipe... we haven�t really talked since I picked up all these bad habits... he was shocked, but as usual he was willing to help... and he had to go do something in the bathroom... and I�d planned on just washing my hands or something while he went in and met whoever he needed to see, but we were both herded into the girl�s room... which was odd.
and the guys in the 2 stalls across from us were having some sort of chin-up competition... then some teacher (like we were in grade school) came in and was yelling at all the guys.... and I was trying to hide BlueMonkey... but he�s always been such a smart ass, and he made some comment that caused her to think that it was him and the guy in the stall directly across from us were the ones doing chin-ups... but as she was leaving the guy in the adjacent stall across the hall came out and was talking some garbage, and the teacher picked him up.
I dunno why it was like we were full grown grade school students.
So I washed my hands and left... that�s when I found cyndi and was trying to give her my number, only I couldn�t remember it.
Then I saw Joe Martin... and walked w/ him a bit...
�till I saw BlueMonkey again.
Then the three of us went to the mall there... and I bought some shoes, and a pair of jeans from express, and some underwear from victoria�s secret. The guys didn�t go w/ me into VS, but had gone to the arcade... so I was walking around looking for the arcade when I saw a couple of David�s friends and I freaked out. It took me a while before I calmed down enough to head over to the arcade.
I played a round of tekken w/ BlueMonkey.... then we kept walking around. He�d bought something to eat... bread and some kind of jam he was sure I�d love. he said it tasted just like the stuff his mom used to make. I loved that stuff. anyway... then we were looking for the pool that he insisted was there. I didn�t believe him... and we had to head back to the restaurant I was passing when I saw david�s friends. In fact, we had to head into it and find some stairs... we took the stairs through what looked to be the restaurant owner�s home (weird, since I�m fairly sure it was a copper caboose), all the way to this really beautiful door... I looked out the peephole and saw the pool, but we all just stood there... Joe Martin was convinced it was gonna get us arrested...
BlueMonkey opened the door.
We heard some man start yelling... something about it being a private studio... and the three of us turned and ran. I had my black express bag and my pink VS bag in my right hand, with the bag w/ my shoes in my left hand... and I tripped over something... I almost fell, but BlueMonkey caught me.
We had a moment just then. He kissed my nose and kinda tugged me along.
Afterwards, once we�d made it back out into the mall, we all laughed a bit... then Joe Martin headed off to go watch his movie...
BlueMonkey and I went outside, to a park that was there. Only it was the park that he and I used to go to when we were in high school.
I sat on a swing while he pushed me.
then we talked a bit.
And we spent the rest of my dream just at the park, both of us swinging.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:32 PM :::
I just realized that I could watch hero dubbed in English, instead of just reading subtitles.
It takes away from the movie, but it�s what dan was looking for.
He asked me when I put the movie on if the whole thing was in subtitles... and I was like, �well ~yeah~,� and I was kinda sarcastic about it.
*shaking head*
Doke & I went to see blade 3, then out to walmart for some fishsticks and shells & cheese. And while I was there I found a couple of pumpkin pies!
\m/
My shrub has 2 more flowers.
I love the way gardenias smell.
::: posted by tinafish at 3:48 AM :::
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 :::
it's true! I do have a cherry!
awesome!
the jesus fan went on a drink run at the start of our shift - I got a cherry vanilla dr pepper (so now I've tried it) and a sunshine smoothie (my favorite sonic drink).
only it's fuck-all cold back here... so I should've gotten some coffee or something.
*brr*
I'm having some madd hate for my ipod right now.
I don't even remember what it was doing earlier... but for whatever reason I decided to wipe it.
Then it wouldn't load but in disk mode...
and when I plugged it into my comp it wasn't mounting...
so I rebooted it... and it was giving me a disk error...
then I wiped it again...
it seems to be working fine now... seems being the keyword.
guess we'll see.
And now I don't have enough time to load all my music back onto it...
*sigh*
so according to milkdud... I have +20 to midget.
because I'm hispanic.
it was really funny at the time, ya'll.
doke & I are gonna go see blade 3 in a while... I'm pretty stoked.
I also wanna see Ocean's 12, but that's gonna hafta wait for a bit.
OMG I HATE MY IPOD!
::: posted by tinafish at 9:01 PM :::
and they're not.
yeah.
and I had this really weird dream last night...
it involved clean laundry, my shrub & it's flowers, my nephew sambo & my niece sandra, that kid from home alone, and lemony smickett (that writer I think that's his name), a crossdressing batman w/ colored hair, a very tall mideastern woman, and the nazis...
she was very tall and thin.
um...
it's getting kinda hard to blog w/ the guys telling jokes behind me...
yikes, ya'll.
::: posted by tinafish at 5:38 PM :::
gin + tonic + pineapple = gross
If his tough guy image wasn't already out the window w/ the bandaid he wore to the christmas party, I thought I'd seal the deal by mentioning the fruit, soda, & card from tonight too.
he's a sweetie, ya'll.
I had originally planned on going to see blade 3 tonight, but I'd forgotten I was working late since the married d00d has a final @ 0730 in the morning.
So I switched around and I'm gonna go watch blade 3 again tomorrow, and chilled w/ adrian tonight.
I had hoped the emperor's new groove would be here, but it's still not.
methinks I should report a shipping problem... or something.
speaking of reporting problems... I still need to return my nightmare before christmas jammies.
about the title...
see, I didn't have any limes...
and since I was doing such a bad job cutting the pineapple sober... I decided to use the rest of my lime-twisted gin & tonic... only since I had no limes I threw in chunks of pineapple.
and it was gross, ya'll.
*cringing*
::: posted by tinafish at 4:14 AM :::
View my Moblog
::: posted by tinafish at 12:10 AM :::
Monday, December 13, 2004 :::
um...
I had plans to blog about something... so i am going to blog about big sexy rob. he is so sexy. mmmm sexy rob. yes.
um... what else?
ah yes.
ya'll know how I lick my lips a lot when I've been smoking and/or drinking?
well my last boss was at the christmas party... and I was licking my lips... and he comes up to me and whispers, "you need to be careful."
which made me laugh; I don't think adrian would've let some random guy take me home.
My wrist hurts.
robert the mean horrible person that he is (AKA cheese boy), was being a bit rough w/ my wrists.
::: posted by tinafish at 10:25 PM :::
::: posted by tinafish at 1:34 PM :::
I always have the weirdest dreams...
it also involved someone I knew in high school... this d00d named Mark.
it was a really weird dream... I was buying my own drinks, and I was at a mall for some sort of hispanic celebration...
and...
I spent $10.42 on a cookie from the cookie co. and I remember thinking, "I need a bigger cookie."
And I also remember what I was wearing...
I little white button up shirt w/ a short, black, plaid skirt... and knee high socks w/ some black schoolgirl shoes.
dunno why I remember that.
And I was in a music store looking at cds... wtf is that? I was looking for the new incubus album.
*shaking head*
Thing is, I haven't seen jr high david since before I moved up here.
And it was really weird... the conversations we were having...
so now I really wanna know how he's doing.
and I wonder why, of all the people I don't talk to anymore, I dreamt about him.
he used to call me "sugar lips," even though we never kissed. I think I still have every letter he ever wrote me.
guess I'll look into how he's doing now.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:02 PM :::
Sunday, December 12, 2004 :::
each day is fresh, new, and exciting... sometimes more than once...
I remember thinking I was gonna take a nap before adrian came over...
but apparently I slept through the first hour he was here.
I woke up to chinese food... wondering where my pineapple was.
apparently I had demanded brocolli... which led to him bringing me beef & brocolli. and beef on a stick. and eggdrop soup.
I know I was hungry, but I really don't remember asking for all that.
also, supposedly he brough Iccus in here...
lol.
um... I'm going to bed now.
*yawn*
::: posted by tinafish at 11:10 PM :::
MY SHRUB HAS REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS!!!!
...
I get the feeling ya'll aren't near as excited as I am...
::: posted by tinafish at 8:29 PM :::
little boy you're going to hell!!
here's a video of her...
and while I do feel for the kid...
**if ragging on that blind mt climber didn't do it, this will ~certainly~ get me into hell**
but how's she gonna grow up to be a productive member of society? She needs a trach just to breathe and gets fed through a g-tube.
so yeah... just in case any of ya'll had this impressiong I'm compassionate... that'll teach ya.
so I'm here at work again... and I'm sleepy.
Gizmo thinks I'm hung over... and I do look like I am... but mostly it's just 'cause my eyelids are swollen from all the crying I did last night.
And if ya'll haven't heard The Moldau (
), you should check it out.that's the reason I play clarinet.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:22 PM :::
it's a beautiful movie, ya'll.
Had a bit of excitement at the christmas party... not in a good way, either.
I was having a pretty good time 'till the very end... I saw David's crew.
I never thought I'd be so happy to see them...
For a few seconds I forgot all that's happened...
but then I remembered.
it killed my awesome buzz.
And it was downhill from there.
We left ~ 2345 or so... and... we were fussing 'till ~ 0300.
it's weird... sometimes I feel adrian understands me better than anyone has in years... and other times I feel like he couldn't even pronounce my name... tonight... it occurred to me... he really could be the best friend I've ever had... if I just let him.
My bar tab was $40. had smirnoffs and crown & cokes.
good stuff.
I didn't get too toasted... that's the thing about me drinking crown & cokes... when I'm still sober I can taste the crown, but when I'm buzzing it just tastes like coconut flavored coke... then when I'm about done it goes back to tasting like crown.
methinks I only had 4 of them... but the last one tasted like crown.. I was lovin' life when I said something to adrian I shouldn't have... ran off to the bthrm... then was looking for our waitress to close out when I saw Sam.
*sigh*
I'm glad I didn't get totally toasted... I'd prolly have gone up to them and made a fool of myself...
actually, if adrian hadn't been there, I probably would have anyway.
But Sam's the only one who said hi.
I know they weren't ~my~ friends, but some days it felt like they were.
tonight wasn't one of those days.
Dunno if ya'll know this, but when I've been out drinking... about 2 hours after my last drink I wake up.
like... completely awake.
This happened again tonight... when we left Fox I'd wanted to just go to bed... even took a couple of vicodin... but we stayed up talking... and then I was wide awake.
funny how that happens... and I'm not sure why.
I talked adrian into staying for the movie, which I think he enjoyed as much as I did.
It really is an amazing movie... watch it if you get the chance.
Now I think I'm gonna go to bed.
if you see me online tomorrow... remind me I have to be at work @ 1300.
heh - I've ~got~ to get my phone turned back on.
/giggles
::: posted by tinafish at 5:07 AM :::
Saturday, December 11, 2004 :::
and it decides to take over my computer
fuck all... my ipod's running all kinds of crap...
let's scan for viruses saying Virex
let's update movie showtimes says Pod2Go
let's sync contacs says Addrss Bk
let's update her schedule says iCal
FUCK ALL! I just want to add some songs!
*grr*
now ipod updater just decided to update my ipod software.
*ggGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRrr*
/me hates my ipod
I'm just kidding... I don't ~really~ hate it...
I just wish it was bigger.
...
remind me sometime to search for my missing fm transmitter, k?
::: posted by tinafish at 4:48 PM :::
lol.
I'm having biscuits & marmalade **as you might have guessed** and I'm really enjoying them.
I ~love~ orange marmalade.
mmmmmm...
So it's been fairly slow today...
just been chatting w/ sarah mostly...
ooh, the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory trailer...
and one other thing - for those of ya'll w/ ipods...
iPod Annoyances
out of Mac Annoyances
and... I guess that's all for now...
::: posted by tinafish at 1:03 PM :::
so it's gonna be one of those nights...
hadn't watched since david & I split up...
I need to get to sleep soon since I've gotta work in the morning.
And tomorrow's our christmas party... at Fox.
that's david's bar.
*sigh*
::: posted by tinafish at 2:54 AM :::
Friday, December 10, 2004 :::
not like I have any wall space left...
I've never actually seen the movie, but it's arrived today so most likely I'll watch it tomorrow!!!
eek. I've gotta work tomorrow.
I'm in the middle of a 12 day stretch.
heh...
I'm stoked, ya'll... I haven't forgotten about watching stargate!
::: posted by tinafish at 8:39 PM :::
14 thousand 9 hundred and ninety-eight days left!
I've got a date w/ Stargate tonight ya'll!
I just hope I don't forget. I do that a lot... for the last couple of months I've been forgetting.
speaking of forgetting... I also need to mail my netflix dvds back...
guess I should work now... or something...
::: posted by tinafish at 6:53 PM :::
::: posted by tinafish at 3:19 PM :::
no wonder we need inspections...
/me giggles
and um... well I meant to wash my hands at walmart... but ya'll know how scatterbrained I can be...
I forgot.
I wiped my hands on my jeans and then went about my business.
I sincerely meant to wipe up the counter where I'd had the little guy squirming around... but I couldn't find one of those napkin thingys...
and then we left...
and came home...
The jesus fan bought us all pizza for dinner tonight **I ~promise~ I'm not changing the subject**, which was totally awesome of him **thanks d00d!** but here's the thing...
I eat a lot. More than most girls my size. More than most girls, actually.
I'll easily go through a large pizza. And he ordered 3 mediums.
And I was kinda wigging out 'cause Dan was mad at me earlier... so I think I only ate something like 5 or 6 slices... no where near my usual pizza consumption.
FstFwd back to the present...
I get back from walmart and I'm hungry.
And dan's awake... he mentions that we should make cornbread & beans.
So I spend 10 mins looking for the cornbread mix (another funny story but I won't go into it) 'till dan comes and points it out to me...
The mix + 1 egg + 1 cup milk = cornbread muffins!
so I pour the milk and I start to crack the egg when I remember - I WIPED MY HANDS ON MY JEANS AND THEN WENT ABOUT MY BUSINESS!!!
so I yelp and then run off to wash my hands... in the process leaving dan & doke murming "wtf?"
*giggles*
yeah...
it was pretty funny.
mostly gross, though.
thing is... I have lots of faith in my hydrochloric acid... but I like to think I'd still have washed my hands even if I was the only one eating.
tmi? methinks so.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:28 AM :::
.oO(my hands smell like worms)
and we spent ~ half an hour just sniffing candles & there was this one orange colored candle that made me cough & seared my nosehairs and since I sniffed that one my nose has been ~wigging~ out.
and I started coughing and my eyes got all watery...
and there was this lady walking by... and she's like, "well I'm not buying that one."
rofl
*still sniffling*
what else?
oh yeah! I felt like I was at the zoo! You know how walmart has fishing gear? And live bait?
*cough cough*
I'm betting you can see where I'm going with this...
lol.
Check out Dirty Dan's blog, ya'll! He's got comments now too!
\m/
you know... I really do live for comments...
*blushing*
::: posted by tinafish at 1:57 AM :::
Thursday, December 09, 2004 :::
so that's eve the mac grrl from applegeeks...
I love the comic.... esp monday's issue - check it out ya'll!
::: posted by tinafish at 5:02 AM :::
the ending was predictable...
there was a lot of "comic relief," which was kinda cool but mostly weird...
I'll prolly go see it again, though... supposedly w/ my sis in the morning, but I'm not sure if that's gonna go through.
not only will she have been at work all night, but she doesn't know where I live ~and~ my phone's not working.
what else?
after the movie adrian & I talked a bit... it was really weird at the theatre - he talked to dan more than me.
*shrug*
whatever works, I guess.
And then I went to the hospital for a few hours...
had lunch w/ the crew and spent the rest of the time catching up and all.
they're great.
it was funny 'cause I got there just in time to order from Josie's, so I had a brkfst burrito & some beef fajita nachos.
greasy but good.
and one of the monitor techs was asking where I work now and blah blah blah... turns out he uses us as his isp... and he was trying to get me to give him prices & troubleshoot him and stuff.... I was like, "no wonder you don't have any friends."
rofl - no, that's not ~really~ what I said... but that was the gist of it.
I also gave one of the nurses a 30 min crash course in ipods vs a flash-based player... and stuff.
it was funny.
and at work I was chatting w/ doke but got tired of having my eyes open... so I turned on my little speech function thing... and the voice I have set is some chick...
so doke's messages were being read to me by a chick... it was pretty funny.
At least it was easy enough to pick out what the chick was saying... since everyone else who was talking was a d00d.
erm... they still are d00ds... methinks I've got the tense wrong there... or something...
so anyway.
I'll recommend blade. it was fun.
go watch it
/me commands you
::: posted by tinafish at 3:36 AM :::
Wednesday, December 08, 2004 :::
the chach
parrot boy
milkdud
cheese boy
gizmo
and I can't remember the married d00d's site...
also, most of these are under construction...
um...
what else?
aaron almost fell over, and in the process he almost stabbed robert w/ my lucky pencil...
and now I've gone and hit tim w/ my power cord...
I'm bored ya'll.
*sigh*
oh yeah... and my phone's disconnected... I just didn't pay my bill....
just fyi.
::: posted by tinafish at 7:52 PM :::
I also really like flavored sodas - orange soda first, but red is good too. I'm also fairly fond of the yellow pineapple flavor.
and mt dew. mmmmm...
only... and this has been keeping me up at night...
I don't like the orange mt dew. But I like the red one alright... but the green is still my favorite.
and I've come across a purple one that I liked well enough.
.oO(~why~ do I mention stuff like this?)
::: posted by tinafish at 2:49 PM :::
even though I've already made my pre-slumber post...
and we all know how much I love drew!
so anyway... for real this time... good night.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:00 AM :::
you didn't think I'd come back...
I was watching previews for Elektra... I plan on seeing it, and I'm almost looking forward to it. I mean... it can't ~possibly~ be as bad as daredevil.
well... I hope not, anyway.
I just finished watching Reservoir Dogs... Dan & I were watching it, but he went to bed a ways into the film, so I finished it up by myself.
It was over... abruptly.
And I've gone and forgotten why lus wanted me to see it... guess I'll hafta remember to ask him.
Adrian, Dan, and I have all bought our tickets for blade 3 tomorrow @ 2240.
I'm pretty stoked about it.
I just hope it's not a disappointment.
And I do hope I don't get into one of those moods where I hate everything.
I'm sure you've come to the same conclusion as I have - I'm not gonna be able to afford school in the spring.
I do have a plan, though.
I'm going to go back to frequenting coffeeshops... Godwilling at the times David won't be there... erm... what was I saying?
Ah yes... I'm going to consume large amts of coffee and probably smoke consistently if not heavily.
And I'm going to read a lot.
I hope to get myself straightened up inside... not completely - not yet, anyway... but enough to sit down and have a proper meditation.
Which more likely than not will lead me back to conditioning. Hopefully, anyway.
I've thought about dragging those shorts and shirt out of my bin and tacking them to the wall... just to remind me that I haven't always looked like this...
.oO(as if looking in a mirror isn't enough)
and possibly to motivate me to get back in shape.
but then I remember - round ~is~ a shape!
it still surprises me how self conscious I am... even when it's just me.
then again, I have always been my most unforgiving judge.
but my mother ~is~ a close second.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:32 AM :::
Tuesday, December 07, 2004 :::
and the jesus fan is in the bathroom... and I holler something at him...
then milkdud gets up and runs over to the bathroom door and pounds on it....
then runs back through tech support into the workshop.
and we're all rolling around laughing...
and the jesus fan comes out here and kicks my chair!
*hurt*
I was framed!
::: posted by tinafish at 9:11 PM :::
anyway... she brought me a fajita plate from Rosa's... but it had sour cream on the sald & the beef was made w/ bell peppers... and she got me queso but no chips... so then she went to taco villa and got me a beef quesadilla... again w/ no chips... and then she went to taco bueno for chips.
*shaking head*
she's quite the ditz, ya'll.
the chach is back at work tonight... he's quit smoking, so he's being ~quite~ irritable.
I worked late last night... 'till closing. I'm going home on time tonight, though.
And it's cold in here... I can't hardly feel my fingers.
Milkdud is still here tonight... kinda... he's gone out for dinner but he's left his computer so I assume he'll be back.
what else to talk about?
I was looking at tinkerbell bedspreads this afternoon...
and I talked to my friend johnathan... he's thinking about moving up here... dunno why, though.
so we're all 4 of us sitting here psst-ing **is that a word?** each other...
quite odd, really.
::: posted by tinafish at 8:44 PM :::
View my moblog
::: posted by tinafish at 4:12 PM :::
the green dot is my network status...
then that play/pause thing for itunes....
then my pod2go thing....
then gmail check...
konfabulator...
that blue dot is for .mac....
then that 9 is to load os 9.2...
then my airport status...
then my dialup modem...
then remote desktop...
then my battery status....
then isync...
then bluetooth....
then the date/time...
and then that ical thingy that I just dloaded...
so it's official. I'm a menubar whore.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:11 PM :::
My friend Lus told me once that my one redeeming factor was that I was willing to throw myself completely in for the sake of love.
and I loved him.
completely and without pause.
I still do.
sure there were things that I didn't like about him... and things that I hoped he'd change... and things I hoped I would change about myself.
I miss him.
I really do.
but how can you love someone who doesn't know you?
I spent 2 years hoping he'd learn to love unconditionally. Well that's wrong - he already loved some unconditionally.. just I wasn't one of them. I spent my time hoping that one day I could be completely myself...
and that day never came.
I don't believe in love.
I used to. I used to think that nothing else mattered.
My goal in life was to come home to someone I love, and who loves me.
I'm not so naive anymore.
I love him. But like BoB once said to me... love isn't enough.
Adrian & I fought again.
we're not getting along well lately.
I'm not sure what's gonna happen... but I'm fairly certain it's not what I had hoped for.
*sigh*
::: posted by tinafish at 1:38 AM :::
Monday, December 06, 2004 :::
my brain is not hungry anymore...
there's the thing that happened in the valley
there's the thing that happened on the internet
there's the thing that's going on w/ adrian
there's the thing that's going on w/ dan
and there's the thing that's going on w/ doke
About what happened in the valley...
I feel betrayed by one of the only people I've ever completely trusted. And I do mean completely.
Each day I make choices about how much to trust everyone... from my roommate to my guy to my friends to my family.
I've only ever trusted 2 people completely... I used to say 3, but I've come to realize I never trusted david completely. I knew there were parts of me that were too dark and too cynical even for him.
And now... well...
...
now I just don't trust anyone.
About what happened on the internet...
seems I always have the most interesting conversations.
I've never really cared if someone I was interested in had ties. If they were in a good relationship then no matter what I had to offer they wouldn't be tempted.
funny how that worked out.
I used to think david was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Most days I still do.
which just leaves me to wonder... if things were so great... why was I tempted?
seems I'm leading myself around in circles... I'm still not strong enough to just sit down and think about it.
I still cry.
About what's going on with adrian...
he wants to be there for me... just like I said, I don't trust anyone.
When I first met him I thought he had trust issues.
And I knew I did.
Now my trust issues have grown exponentially... and he... he just wants to be there for me.
About what's going on with dan...
he's moving out.
I can see where he's coming from and I don't hold it against him, but in the same breath he's left me kinda fucked.
and I'm gonna miss him.
About what's going on with doke...
seems everyone keeps asking both him & me, "do you ~really~ think it's a good idea for the two of you to live together?"
Believe me, we've both thought about this.
and it may not be the best idea we've ever had, but we have both considered the consequences.
And when it comes down to it no one else really knows what went on btwn us.
Guess this is a dressed up version of me saying, "fuck off."
'cause yes, it has occurred to us. and yes, I know it could all go to hell.
gimme a break, will ya?
I've got a lot on my mind... and it's a lot more comforting to have to worry about how things'll be when doke moves in than it is to worry about having a place to live.
I appreciate your concern... about all of this.
just I've got enough on my plate w/out having to convince you that I'll be ok.
::: posted by tinafish at 7:54 PM :::
my ipod's only a 20 gb, so before you suggest it I can't do that.
here's what I'm looking into, I guess...
it's 300 gb, though...
anyone got any suggestions for something ~ 120 gb?
::: posted by tinafish at 1:09 PM :::
Sunday, December 05, 2004 :::
so I think I'm gonna go to the strip... pick up a six-pack of smirnoff... and play some video games.
or I could head to open jam @ the spoon.
I dunno.
adrian's back from dallas. He made the trip in one piece, which is always a good thing.
he's beat, though.
guess I had hoped we'd do something tonight... watch that star trek movie or something.
oh well.
guess I could watch it by myself.
I wish I could watch Super Troopers... but ~no~.... the chach won't let me borrow it.
*grr*
::: posted by tinafish at 11:20 PM :::
nothing interesting to say... just bored, is all
I've been thinking about putting on star trek X, but I'm a bit lazy.
Dan and I are sitting here just chilling... each of us chatting on our respective ibooks...
I'm gonna miss him.
He's a really great guy, ya'll.
There's this whole "brotherly love" btwn us. I mean... brotherly & sisterly... or something... sibling-like love?
/me shrug
so anyway... I'm gonna miss him. He's so crazy, and so fun to just hang out with... and at the same time I can tell that he'd be there for me if I needed him.
Like... he said a while back...
dunno if I've mentioned it, but I get a lot more friendly when I've been drinking than when I'm sober. That coupled w/ my inability to keep my tongue in my mouth has led to me almost bringing someone home w/ me.
anyway - Dan said that if I ever brought someone home w/ me when I was drunk that'd he wouldn't let the guy in.
and that just made me all warm inside.
I mean... I'm sure I'd be pretty peeved at that moment, but I know I'd thank him in the morning.
by the grace of God I've not done anything like that, and now that he's leaving... well I just better not do it.
lol. I shouldn't be doing it ever, honestly.
I used to hate sleeping alone.
Now I want to get a lock on my door to keep everyone out.
at least bringing someone home w/ me isn't something I have to worry about anymore.
::: posted by tinafish at 10:27 PM :::
It blows, ya'll.
I mean... Milk Dud & Gizmo both... and our owner... they all said it sucked... but like... I dunno... it seems I may as well be getting off on ~really~ bad movies...
'cause it really blows, ya'll.
I mean... I could put aside the gay undertones... 'cause like... that didn't really bother me, but I do feel someone should've warned me.
I guess them referring to Achilles & his gay lover at the start of the film should have been warning enough... but I guess I'm just really dense.
And doke's afraid of snakes. and there are lots of snakes in the movie.
And it's an ~absurdly~ long movie. Like OMG. I was checking my butt for pressure sores from sitting there so long.
yikes. that's kinda a gross mental image, eh?
don't say I never gave you anything.
Anyway...
gonna watch braveheart now.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:26 AM :::
Saturday, December 04, 2004 :::
View my Moblog
::: posted by tinafish at 11:03 PM :::
you'll like me more when I'm drunk
actually I saw a couple, but doke still didn't head out there.
Anyway...
one of his friends... this d00d we'll call Cherokee... I saw him there... and I've met him a few times before... he seems nice enough...
and I'd been drinking all evening...
He was like, "you're really pretty when you smile."
and I was like, "I smile a lot when I'm drunk."
I think that may have been the highlight of the party for me.
well.... no, no it wasn't.
but it was madd funny.
'cause like... apparently he just thought I was a bitch and all.
/me shrug
lol
that happens a lot.
::: posted by tinafish at 6:46 PM :::
teriyaki buffalo wings are good
the main event was a draw. we still had a victory party, though.
After the fight we went to buffalo wild wings for dinner... stayed there for ~ an hour and a half or so...
played that bar game... and we won.
then we went to that victory party... I was a bit toasty by then.
my friend Demetrius brought me home... and dan and I stayed up drinking for a while longer.
omg! I came home after the fight and before buffalo wild wings... our toilet was stoffed up. I mean stopped up. or something.
There was a wad of toilet tissue down at the bottom... and I thought flushing would help.
I was wrong. all it did was almost overflow.
I need to buy a plunger.
night before last lus made me this chicken pot pie... and I ate it. I had a couple of smirnoffs that night, but not enough for a buzz... but I felt like I was drunk... something in the pot pie, I guess.
Last night too... I only had.... 7 smirnoffs... and I was still all giggly and stuff. I dunno.
anyhow...
check my moblog for assorted pics.
I forgot to mention... Dan was under the impression (last night) that he's a ninja. It was hilarious. He also went around posing like all my posters.
I'm gonna miss him.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:05 PM :::
Friday, December 03, 2004 :::
the reason I write on my forearm...
and he's lost 'cause he can't read the writing on his hand...
'cause he's been rubbing his face...
none of that would've happened if he'd written that on his forearm.
and the roommate thing is looking good... kinda...
I'm trying to convince doke to move in with me...
kinda complicated, as ya'll might have guessed.
*sigh*
I've still got a lot on my mind.
::: posted by tinafish at 1:30 PM :::
Thursday, December 02, 2004 :::
So I'm back in the same boat I was a couple of months ago.
I need a roommate.
Dan's moving to Levelland to avoid commuting.
So if any of ya'll know someone who'd be willing to live w/ me...
lemme know.
rent's only ~ $250... plus bills. I have no furniture or dishes, though.
email me.
::: posted by tinafish at 9:02 PM :::
compares a lot to how I feel inside.
everything's all a mess... and I'm not sure where to start picking things up.
*sigh*
I've got more than just a bit on my mind...
unable... actually I'm just unwilling... to discuss things farther.
::: posted by tinafish at 2:13 AM :::
Wednesday, December 01, 2004 :::
yeah... I dunno....
it looks awful...
think I'm gonna do it anyway.
::: posted by tinafish at 9:05 PM :::
so I still wanna cut my hair...
and color it red... like the primary color... w/ some black highlights... or lowlights... or whatever.
you know... bits of black among mostly red.
I'm photoshopping an image right now... gonna test out the red & black and short hair.
I'm link to it when I'm done.
and check out Dirty Dan Daily ya'll!
he just added a tagboard!
::: posted by tinafish at 8:23 PM :::