Sunday, July 31, 2005 :::

time for a change

::: posted by tinafish at 3:19 PM :::

but myself keeps slipping away

my sis and I went to see batman last night, then out for dinner.
she loved the movie, and I knew she would. as much as I don't know her, sometimes I can just tell when she's gonna love a movie. and I hated dinner. whistlin dixie. ugh.
then I came home to email adrian and to nap a bit before going back to her house to do some laundry.
that was last night ~ 23. and I've just now woken up.
I'm not sure how I keep sleeping through my alarm; think I'm gonna hafta go back to setting more than one.
but I was dead tired last night. and honestly I feel a lot better; no headache for the first time in the last week.

so I mentioned how I want a search function, right?
well, since every page of my archives and every individual post page includes all the side links, I've decided I'm going to try to work in frames - just one page of the template and all posts inside it, instead of how it's set up now.
honestly I'm not too sure how well this will all go over - I've never even used frames before.
but I'm sure, with help from both dreamweaver and google, I'll figure something out.
I was gonna start working on it now, but I just noticed that virex decided it was time to run a scan.
seems my last full system scan was back in may. and my defs were from may too.
after it's done, assuming I'm still in the mood, I'll get started learning about frames.
I can tell you're excited.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:51 PM :::

Saturday, July 30, 2005 :::

*gurgle gurgle*

so I got kinda smashed last night...
I filled lus's flask and was sitting on my bedroom floor toasting people.
and then I washed the flask and put it back on the shelf so lus wouldn't know...
but then I accidently told him what I'd been doing when he stopped by.
it was pretty funny.

then the anarchist hippie and I went over to visit james... and I fell asleep for a bit while laying on his hood.
when I woke up I was mostly sober and we just sat about shooting it.

then when I got home I saw milkdud had called, and when I got to my computer I saw he'd messaged me...
and like... I got home ~ 0330 or so... and I messaged him back, but he never responded.
so I'm kinda sad; I'd have liked to head out there. I like jordan loads and possibly meeting other people who are like him is kinda cool... only... I'm ~really~ bad in social settings.
/me shrug
and I didn't get a hold of adrian 'till late last night, so I've still not gotten to chill with him. I dunno why I'm so eager to hang out with the guy - most likely we'll get in a fight or something.

and now I'm at work, and it's been a crazy busy day so far.
I'd rather be in bed sleeping, but oh well.
here I am instead.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:53 AM :::

Friday, July 29, 2005 :::

glutton for punishment

so I was having this conv with slave earlier...
as you may have gathered from a previous post, it didn't go so well.
but oh well. it was about time I come to terms with who I am and who I'm not.

and who I am... lol.
I sit here with a flask of crown...
I just finished toasting nicc and his wife... apparently they bought a house.
kudos to them.
then, seeing as how I've already had a few shots, I decided to catch up on how doke's been doing.
apparently he's talking to some chix0r... so I toasted to them.
then I read that he's still moving soon... so I toasted to him instead.
seriously. I'm sitting here raising my (erm.. lus's) flask and saying things out loud and then drinking.
alone, mind you.

I dunno. I guess this is a good thing.
I'm just kinda in a foul mood.
I wish I had minutes on my phone - I'd have called adrian by now.
nothing like someone with a more cynical view to make me feel like things aren't so bad.

hm... someone remind me to stop posting when I'm drunk.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:02 PM :::

"you couldn't pick up a hooker"

I'm sitting here watchign the married d00d play gta 3... this hooker just turned him down.
I wonder if hookers irl haggle. and like... what if you agree to a price and then choose not to pay her? what happens then?

oh and I just found out... there's a doom movie coming out.
featuring the rock.
I really like the tomb raider and resident evil movies.
they're not gems, but they're nice fun movies.
and does anyone know what happened to that bloodrayne movie?

::: posted by tinafish at 7:58 PM :::

don't ask, don't tell

I've made it a point to never ask a question I'm not sure I want the answer to.
well I guess I shouldn't say "never," but I've certainly made the effort.

I just asked a question that I already know the answer to.
but I need to hear it. to make it sink in.
it is time to envelop the truth.

my heart's beating faster and heavier...
I can hear the blood in my vessels.
I'm a bit queasy.

it'll mostly break my heart.
but I need to hear it.

::: posted by tinafish at 5:34 PM :::

give us a snog, love

I talked to rob last night, and he's doing well, as always.
still refusing to come visit anytime soon, though.
and we've both been having unbelievably angry headaches.

I had this realization last night, while responding to an email from slave.
the things I miss about being with david... the things I still miss, to this day... they're things that I was missing back when we were still together.
like... things there at the end were really bad, and I was missing things there when we broke up.
I dunno, this is gonna sound kinda dumb, but this is an epiphany for me, and will probably change my outlook one more time.
for the better, methinks.

ok so like... last night... I had these awesome plans to go out and get trashed.
adrian was out with roy, though. and our rltnship is so volatile anyway
*glaring in adrian's general direction*
so then I was gonna go out with milkdud...
and since my air condition isn't working properly I took walter over to my sis's, along with my comp (to dload emails), and I was just chilling over there.
after a while my dad showed up, and we chatted for a bit while watching a novela.
before too long my sis showed up and my dad decided to go to bed.
so my sis and I stayed up watching tomb raider... and then I accidently fell asleep.
honestly I don't even remember driving home or getting into bed. or opening my windows (since my air conditioner isn't really working). or finally buying the hero soundtrack.
I dunno. and I was supposed to go to speeds this morning to meet up with the guys from the hospital... but I was asleep!
I didn't wake up 'till ~ 15! and I just rolled over! at least I had good intentions, seeing as how my alarm was set for 07.
/me shrug

::: posted by tinafish at 4:00 PM :::

Thursday, July 28, 2005 :::

I have shown then the light

(and by light I mean tacos)

we had tacos for dinner tonight - from rosita's!
I called the order in and drove across town to grab 'em...
and like... sarah & milkdud both thought I was just exaggerating about how awesome these tacos are, but now they know the truth!
mmmmm tacos...

s'like... I forced myself to get out of the pattern I'd been following all week.
so I went home from work, took walter out, washed dishes, made dinner, played with walter, took walter out, and then, instead of going to bed, I went to the hospital.
I took my sister some grapes and then stopped by to say hi to lus.

ya know, a while back I went to walmart and bought all these groceries... and like... my bread, hot dog buns, and hamburger buns are getting old... my milk will expire soon... my grapes were on the border of spoiling... I'll hafta make my corn tonight or tomorrow or they'll spoil too.
/me sigh
I had this awesome peach from fredericksburg that bonnie gave me. mmmmmmm it was good.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:01 PM :::

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 :::

shouldn't love be enough?

it seems I've lost faith in marriage.
I used to think it was this pure, beautiful thing...

I dunno.
I mean, the whole thing with justin...
he thought love was enough.
and as much as I want that to be true...
I just didn't want to be responsible for breaking some kid's heart. again.
/me sigh
and as much as I say it isn't true, there are all these married couples who are just giving up without even trying.

like that whole thing with nicc.
I used to want him to leave her for me.
then I wanted him to leave her for him.
now I just want him to be happy.
part of me respects him so much for staying and trying to work things out.
and part of me thinks he should accept that he will never leave her, and just try to be happy where he is.

with all this that's gone on, I think it's made me more cynical.
most of the guys I go out with anymore don't even raise my interest. dates leave me bored and never wanting to see them again.
then the few guys that I actually am interested in... it just doesn't ever progress.
I'm so hesitant to trust that it turns into them having one chance, and if they screw up that's it.

while lus and I were talking saturday night/sunday morning...
it occurred to me.
as much as I love lus, and as much as I know he loves me, the most he can do is anticipate what I'm going to do. so much of who I am seems like a jumbled mess to him.
adrian... the reason I say he's just like me... he understands why I do things.
he says that when we broke up I asked him to give me a reason to keep him. he didn't. he said I'd already made my mind up and nothing he said would change it.

/me sigh
I dunno.
atm I'm just looking for a drinking buddy.

::: posted by tinafish at 8:56 PM :::

bollocks to stargate! it's just gone to shite!

milkdud always says the funniest things.
we're sitting bitching about jack being gone in season 9. and omg I don't like teal'c with hair! I mean... I liked him bald and I liked him with some hair (season 8) but now he's just got too much hair!
and as much as I loved farscape, and the chick and the d00d from farscape.... they're no jack or carter.
/me sigh

I've been having a lazy week.
I get home, cook some dinner... read for a bit... then go to bed.
I like it.
no games or movies or anything. just eat a bit and read for a while.
it's really nice, and now I'm thinking I may like living alone.

the jesus fan's truck is broken. again.
apparently he had it for 80 miles and then it wigged out again.
I think we should all pitch in and get aaron a tricycle.
/me winks

::: posted by tinafish at 5:16 PM :::

Tuesday, July 26, 2005 :::

I miss him too

I miss you so damn much

> why's that?
> and where'd that come from?

I just do, I've been thinking a lot about you that's where it's come from

I miss our friendship, we used to talk about nothing and everything just for the company and I don't have that anymore and it bothers me a lot.

Plus who better to bounce goofy stuff, and ideas, and movies, and comics, and toothpaste for dinner stuff off than someone who shares a brain with you?

::: posted by tinafish at 4:28 PM :::

Monday, July 25, 2005 :::

new alias

so milkdud often refers to me as "tinafish" instead of any of my other accepted pseudonyms...
I think it's cute (the name), and now I'm kinda considering changing my posting name to tinafish.
just thought I'd mention it so it doesn't come as a huge surprise if I do get the nerve to switch it all.

as for now I'm still trying to find an acceptable search script for the site.
apparently for personal sites the page limit tends to be ~ 1,000 pages deep... but I've been keeping this blog for almost 3 years now... with over a thousand posts in itself, not to mention my other pages.
I'll let you know how that goes... I just don't want to pay $30 a month for a search function - that's more than my hosting fees! (if you've got any suggestions lemme know)
also I decided to renew this domain name. I'd been flirting with getting a new one, but I honestly really like *fishy kisses* so I kept it.

yeah... this is the stuff I talk about when I've been bored at work all evening.
aside from my conv with berto it's been a really uneventful day.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:45 PM :::

drunken tekken is always fun

after work on saturday lus and I went out for lunch, to this place here in town called Richard's (awesome home-made ice cream, btw) and then headed out to wayne's to buy some liquor and beer.
we ended up with a bottle of special reserve, a huge bottle of j�germeister, and 2 cases of modelo.
then the anarchist hippie came over... we called and invited his sidekick and then called and invited aj. neither showed up.
so we played tekken for a couple of hours, then spent some time throwing rocks at this cat that was stuck in a tree... talked a bit to one of my neighbors, and then called a cab for the anarchist hippie.

we always have the strangest experiences with cabbies.
we'd spent at least 10 mins preaching to javi-er about not driving drunk... how cabs make getting home safely an option... you know how the story goes...
then he gets up to use the toilet just as his cab pulls up. so lus & I go outside to talk to the cabbie while javi-er empties his bladder...
and from 50 feet away the cab driver sees the bottle of crown in my dimly lit living room.
he asks, and we offer him a drink. to our surprise, he accepts.
so he comes inside and we all take a huge shot (where a huge shot equals 3 and a half oz)... and he coughs and snorts and kinda spits up (dunno why he didn't just keep swallowing) and then I think both he and javi-er took a beer for the road.
/me shaking head

then lus and I stayed up just talking... only... I woke up friday afternoon before work, did the whole taco thing, slept for 2 hours before work on saturday... then proceeded to not take a nap after work on saturday afternoon...
and I didn't get to bed 'till ~ 0730 or so sunday morning.
I was fairly sober by then, so the lack of sleep really caught up to me.
so I slept 'till sunday night...

I had a really good time.
for a while I was playing tekken upside down, and we were all so drunk I was seriously holding my own.
great fun, ya'll.
we never did get around to playing soul cal while trashed, but overall it was a blast.
we nearly finished the bottle of crown and put a helluva dent in the bottle of jager... and I think they near finished one of the cases of modelo.
and I vaguely remember lus trying to borrow my copy of tekken 5... and him riding home sunday morning.
he and I don't spend nearly as much time together as we used to; he's a great guy and I've missed him.

::: posted by tinafish at 5:42 PM :::

Saturday, July 23, 2005 :::

robbed like candy

so I'm gonna go ahead and pimp froogle 'cause of it's awesome searching prowess.

aaaages ago, back when we were still dating, BoB gave me a vinyl paintball splatter sticker.
I put it on my mirror, up in the corner, and it stayed there for a few years.
but when I got my first ibook, with it being all white, I took that splatter off my mirror and stuck it on the back of my ibook.
when I sold that ibook, I figured r00 would want a clean one, so I took the splatter off and stuck it on a book.
and I've been unable to get it off the book and back onto the mirror.

so this one night, back when I still worked at the hospital, I scoured the net looking for another splatter.
now I found lots of splatters, but none like the one I'd had.
and I'm really sentimental... I dunno... I really want one exactly like the one BoB had given me.
and so I looked all night for the splatter.
I didn't find it.

I'm not sure what reminded me of paintball, or of BoB, or of the splatter, but this afternoon I decided to look again.
30 seconds later I've found the splatter I've been looking for.

moral of the story: froogle rawks

::: posted by tinafish at 12:51 PM :::

my awesome jumping skillz

ok so like... I've been playing the devil within... and I was stuck at the boss fight of level 4.
and it was so incredibly hard for me to beat (my jumping skills suck ass), but after 2 sets of tacos I did.
and like... I'd been playing the game that my nephew started... I'd gotten to level 3 that way (he only beat levels 1 & 2)... but there's a lot of jumping and stuff involved, and since I didn't get to do the easier jumping stuff in the first two levels I kept falling to my death. so I started the entire game over, and while my jumping skills improved drastically, they still kinda suck ass.
the thing I particularly love (and by love I mean hate) about the 4th level is that most of the time there is no floor. just lots and lots of little bitty platforms that you hafta jump around on... and if you miss your jump you fall into the bottomless pit and die.
but anyway! I finally finished the boss fight last night, and then started on the 5th and final stage of the devil within. then I decided that I probably wouldn't finish it and since I didn't want to get very far in the level ('cause then I'd not want to turn my ps2 off so I wouldn't hafta start the whole level again)... I stopped and went to bed.

only... I had two sets of tacos last night.
like... I'd invited lus to taco friday, but he had to work... only... usually the anarchist hippie and I go right after I get off work...
so lus came by my apt @ ~ 2130... and the anarchist hippie still wasn't there... so I left javi-er a note on my door and we went without him.
so when the anarchist hippie came back by my apt ~ midnight, I went out for tacos again.
I was ~so~ stuffed last night. when I got back from the second round of tacos I finished level 4 and then tried to go to sleep... but I was too stuffed to get comfy...

oh! oh oh oh!!!
I slept in my bed last night! just me and my bear! with no noises coming from my bedroom wall! I was ~so~ stoked!
I was too stuffed to sleep so I just laid there, and I guess whatever was living in my wall died or moved 'cause for 4 hours I didn't hear anything but faint music coming from my other bedroom.
hope it stays that way
*crossing fingers*

::: posted by tinafish at 11:27 AM :::

Friday, July 22, 2005 :::

*dancing around in underwear*

it's ta-co fri-day

yes it's true... once again it's taco friday.
think lus is gonna try to squeeze in tacos before he goes to work.
we're all pretty stoked.

and I think tomorrow night we're doing drunken tekken.
I invited this d00d I chat with over - mostly all we ever chat about is tekken.
I've gotta clear it with the guys first, since we've been planning this for a while now.

and my el salvadorian neighbors are gone.
I hadn't seen them congregating outside my door while drinking beer in a couple of weeks, and today I saw some cleaning ladies in their apt.
the place was completely empty, and now I'm not the only apt in the building with open blinds.

my sis came over last night and we watched the new crow movie.

oh and check out milkdud's boards:
room to maneuver
psychos irl
it's great fun.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:01 PM :::

Thursday, July 21, 2005 :::

songs about me

so the anarchist hippie and I went to walmart last night... we stopped at an atm so I could deposit some cash... when it gave me my receipt I wadded it up and threw it in my back seat.
he said something about how I should keep that receipt... and then I launched into the story from 2 christmases ago... when david gave me that christmas gift wrapped in receipts that I mention here.
and I got all nostalgic and teary eyed and stuff... it was times like that... that made me think it was worth doing, ya know? that he'd realize it's not about how much he spent, but how much of himself he put in it.
/me sigh

there's this country song called used to the pain (Used to the Pain) that I heard a few weeks ago. at the time I kinda related to it, but now... it just echoes how I feel inside.

      but I, won't go so far as to say that I'm fine;
      too much of what I've felt for you remains.
      I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time,
      but the truth is I really can't say...
      if I'm gettin' better or just used to the pain.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:12 PM :::

Wednesday, July 20, 2005 :::

well at least it's a solution, right?

so the anarchist hippie and I are making a walmart run after we get off work...
and I've been kinda concerned that I'll get a wild hair up my arse and buy a dig cam while I'm there.
see... they've got a camera very similar to david's, and I've been wanting one... and it's only $150...
I'd probably be buying it on good terms if I didn't hafta pay the light co $150 for getting my light bill switched over to my name. but seeing as how I hafta pay them I'll be short on cash already, so I don't really need another $150 being spoken for.

so to prevent myself from purchasing this camera at walmart tonight I've bid on this camera on ebay.
only... I didn't notice before I bid, but the auction's got a reserve - and I didn't meet it.
I hope I don't twist that into a reason to buy the cam tonight.
/me sigh

.oO(sure wish I trusted myself)

::: posted by tinafish at 11:09 PM :::

she's a whore anyway

so the anarchist hippie and I were playing tekken... on sunday night, I think... we'd played about 300 rounds... only got through 150 matches, though.
it took us 50 matches to level up with steve - we finally got from virtuoso to champion, and we really had to work for it. like... I think we won maybe 2 matches on the first round; the rest took like 3 or 4 times to win.
so then like... 4 or 5 matches later... maybe 20 rounds... and then suddenly something happened, that I had NO IDEA could happen.
/me sigh
we got a "demotion risk" alert, and both of us started freaking out.
but no worries ya'll - we won the match and kept trucking along.
maybe 10 matches later we decided to start playing with bruce... got him up to a 4th dan.

and nina's a whore, ya'll.
I hate that move where she stomps on you and then twists her foot around - we've named it the stomp and squish.
so in retaliation I've taken to kicking her 'till she's down, then run across the screen and stomp on her while she's laying there.
it's a cheap move, but warranted, I feel.

::: posted by tinafish at 9:33 PM :::

our chat transcripts are always fun

[20:44] tinafish: dork
[20:44] milkdud: ass
[20:45] tinafish: fuck!
[20:45] tinafish: ass!
[20:45] milkdud: cock!
[20:46] milkdud: why don't you shut the fuck up!
[20:46] tinafish: fuck you in the ass
[20:46] tinafish: with no lube
[20:46] milkdud: ewwww
[20:46] milkdud: you are gross
[20:46] tinafish: sandpaper condom!

::: posted by tinafish at 8:46 PM :::

yeah... this search thingy isn't working yet... I'm testing out a few... will choose my favorite... assuming I can even get them to work... um.... yeah.

ok so like... I removed the stuff that was here...
I'm bored of trying to get it to work atm.
methinks I'll try again tomorrow... or maybe later on tonight or something...

::: posted by tinafish at 5:48 PM :::

the living spyware

so I'm going through reading all my blogs and comics when I see this on toothpaste for dinner and immediately think of aaron.
the jesus fan is on vacation for the next week and a half, so he's not here to share it with him directly, but I can still share it with you guys.

oh and I saw the chach today! since aaron's out tim's staying 'till 16 now...
and funny thing, too.
last night milkdud went over to the chach's house to grab a key, and when he got back he said the chach said to tell me I'm light (like... my color... I'm not as tanned as I should be, I guess).
when I walk in today tim turns around and says, "welcome my light companion!"
I hadn't really believed jordan when he told me last night, just 'cause that's kinda an off the wall message, ya know?
all the guys give me shit, though. I've made plans to spend more time in the sun because of it.
.oO(that still won't help my disdain for spicy foods)

::: posted by tinafish at 4:30 PM :::

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 :::

mmmm... the food's great

lus and I went to the pour house for lunch this afternoon. had a really good time and all. we both had hamburger steaks, and tomorrow we're supposed to go to a diff restaurant to have hamburger steaks... we're having a hamburger steak face-off.
after lunch we stopped by this place called tommy's and had a couple of banana milkshakes (made with real bananas!)... then we went back to his house and watched this weekend's family guy.

demetrius is thinking about getting a mac... hope me turns. that'd be cool.
the anarchist hippie still hasn't decided.
and supposedly lus is getting a new pwr mac.

I'm wanting to buy a digital camera.
just a cheap little d00d to carry around with me.
emphasis on cheap since I wanna get it in the next month or so.

::: posted by tinafish at 6:21 PM :::

Monday, July 18, 2005 :::

it's nice to be back

so tonight's the first night I've been back on my shift...
these fucking guys, ya'll.
I do love 'em though... and I had missed 'em.

about jordan inhaling the donkey...
we spent a few mins earlier this evening translating things from english to japanese back to english...
we'd typed in "jordan sucks ass" and it came back to us as "jordan inhales the donkey"
and that's how we wound up talking about the whole donkey show.
I promise not all our conversations are so perverse.

I've updated my wishlist - added some stuff and got rid of some stuff.
it's still really long, but mostly that's up there to remind me of stuff I want to buy, ya know? I'm kinda ditzy and I tend to forget stuff like that.
also, I think it's about time I got a new copy of tekken tag. the one david gave me for christmas 2 years ago doesn't work, and I'd like to play it.
plus it's 4 player capable - methinks that'd make for some awesome drunken tekken.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:46 PM :::

he inhales the donkey

so jordan's sitting here explaining to me about that "the donkey show" thing that supposedly takes place in mexico.
I've never heard of it.
it's weird... and I'm not sure if I believe him.
but apparently josh has seen or heard of it too.

so I've run a search... I decided agst using google...
here's a link to wikipedia's donkey show entry... and it's sfw.

::: posted by tinafish at 7:01 PM :::

my sister the poon

after work on saturday my sis and I went to david fraga's wedding.
I didn't have any panty hose (I wore and discarded my last pair of panty hose while in the valley for amy's wedding), and gloria didn't have panty hose I could borrow, so I went bare-legged.
it was a really nice ceremony - a small church service.
his wife's really cute... she's just a little chick.
they look great together.

after the wedding my sister and I raced back to her house to change (the no panty hose was allowing the shoes I was wearing to give me madd blisters), and while I was there I called lus.
while I was leaving a message the other line rang. I don't usually answer her phone, but it was a hospital number and there was a chance she was being cancelled, so I answered.
here's the conv:

me: hello
caller: hello
me: can I help you?
caller: hello
me: yeah?
caller: hello?
me: what!?!
caller: hey what are you doing?
me: do I know you?
caller: um... I think I called the wrong number.

so I hung up.
apparently it was my sis's boytoy...
and he called her cell phone all pissy saying I was ~so~ rude and had hung up on him for no reason.
my sis took his side, and she started yelling at me.
I felt (and still feel) I was within my boundries and in no way rude when I hung up on him. true, I had a good idea who it was, but he never identified himself.
so I yelled back.
after a few mins she agreed with me. apparently he failed to mention that at no time did he ask for her or give me his name.

so we laughed for a while, since apparently this happened 3 or 4 times when Sandra was still here and she'd answered the phone.
he just doesn't learn, I guess.

so gloria and I went out for dinner. to quiznos, where I had a wonderful meal, and she had a horrible one.
it was really funny that she had such an awful time... at some point she was fussing about how the only thing she liked was her tea... then she tried to take a sip but missed her mouth and ended up with a nose-full of straw.
it was great, ya'll.

I'm back at work this afternoon - back to my shift and stoked about it.
but apparently yesterday a water main or something exploded... the parking lot at my apt was flooded... and today when I woke up my water was off.
so I drove across town to gloria's to shower.
I did get free brkfst, but it was a damned inconvenience.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:30 PM :::

Saturday, July 16, 2005 :::

long live taco friday

you know, I'm really happy right now.
this is like... the best I've felt in the last year.
I'm not all bummed anymore, and I've learned so much about myself.
I've changed so much.
things are going well.

my lease is up in october.
living in that apartment has sure humbled me.
now I'd be stoked to live in a place with no leaks, no bugs, and no in-wall companions.
and I'm pretty excited about moving back in with my sis.
true she and I don't always get along, but for the most part living alone is just lonely.
at least she keeps about the same hours that I do.

today is david fraga's wedding.
I drug out a skirt & blouse for the occasion... even ironed 'em.
I forgot to make the time to get them a wedding gift, but I'll try and get them something next week.
he's such a good guy, ya'll.

oh and I saw rj yesterday.
I was taping a note on my door for the anarchist hippie when rj pulled up.
crazy, huh? I hadn't seen him in a couple of months, but he's still wacky as always.
I'd meant to give him a call last night, but I was dead tired.
the whole working days thing doesn't go to well with having tacos after midnight.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:23 PM :::

Friday, July 15, 2005 :::

but it's my ring and little fingers that are numb

gizmo thinks the numbness in my hand may be a symptom of carpal tunnel syndrome, so I looked it up.

Symptoms most often occur in the parts of the hand supplied by the median nerveClick here to see an illustration.: the thumb, index finger, middle finger, and half of the ring finger. If your little finger is not affected, this may be a sign that the condition is carpal tunnel syndrome, because the little finger is usually controlled by a different nerve than the thumb and other fingers.
that made me feel a little better, but my two fingers are still numb.

oh and check this out:
Carpal tunnel syndrome is a common work-related injury. Work that requires forceful or repetitive hand movements, hand-arm vibration, or working for long periods in the same or in awkward positions�usually when combined with underlying health conditions�may cause carpal tunnel syndrome.
maybe it's just 'cause I'm at work... but that sounds kinda... questionable to me.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:39 AM :::

Thursday, July 14, 2005 :::

and he approves!

so lus and I watched appleseed earlier...
I can hardly believe it - he liked it!
this has got to be the first movie he and I have watched that's one of my movies... like... usually we'd watch movies he wanted me to see.
everytime I try to get him to watch a movie I like... he either runs off or falls asleep.
so this is cool, ya know?

and I've half-assedly put together a picture for milkdud's appleseed thread.
I didn't spend to much time on it seeing as how I just got home from lus's and I've gotta get up in ~ 3 hours for work.
and I'm not sure if you'll get the reference.... but I promise that's what briareos' rabbit ears remind me of.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:52 AM :::

Wednesday, July 13, 2005 :::

omfg dial up sucks some ass

so I'm sitting here on the living room floor at my sis's... and I'm using dial up.
I honestly can not believe that anyone would pay for this kind of internet connection.
I had planned on photoshopping a couple of pics together to post on milkdud's boards... but atm I'm ~way~ too frustrated to google for images.
I made it through 2 pages worth and now I seriously want to kill myself.

on a lighter note, I'm going to visit lus in a while.
I'm thinking I'm gonna take appleseed over so maybe he can watch it...
if you've not seen appleseed you should seriously check it out, even if you're not an anime fan.
it's based on a story done by the same guy who made ghost in the shell...

guess that's all for now.
think I'm gonna google at work tomorrow... or maybe at home if whoever has paid his/her cox bill yet.
I can't wait to bask in the glory that is broadband.

::: posted by tinafish at 11:16 PM :::

crop dusting is a guy thing

so like... omg
these guys!
/me sigh

I just got off the phone with adrian, who pretended he didn't know how to set up an email acct...
and the whole time gizmo and tooter are over here tooting away.
and then one of our admins comes back here - he's in town from dallas - and lifts one of his legs and toots too.

this is kinda funny... in a disturbingly gross way.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:33 PM :::

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 :::

my blog is a source of knowledge!

graphic novel.
-Generally, any self-contained story in a single binding that uses a comic book-like page layout. In the comic book industry, the term is sometimes used to refer only to self-contained stories of 48 or more pages that has not been previously published serially. (The minimum page count varies; 64, 72, and 96 pages are other popular cut-off points.)

comic book.
A comic book is a magazine or book containing the art form of comics. Comic books are often called comics, especially in the U.K.. Although the term implies otherwise, the subject matter in comic books is not necessarily humorous. In fact, it varies widely.

Long-form comic books are called graphic novels.
there's a difference!

::: posted by tinafish at 2:33 PM :::

dance magic dance

when my sis came by this morning to pick up walter she had mail for me... from our mom.
I kinda freak out, 'cause like... my mom and I aren't exactly the best of friends...
when I opened it...
omg ya'll.
it was from pampers - a little booklet thing of coupons.
addressed to me, at my mom's address....
I dunno wtf, but I'm sure she's convinced I'm pregnant now.

::: posted by tinafish at 9:25 AM :::

Monday, July 11, 2005 :::

all lubed up

ok so like... these fucking guys.
/me grr

I don't usually lace up my boots and often I take one boot off while sitting in my chair.
on friday when I did that, I'd left my boot just where it fell off my foot - laying next to my chair. it went missing, and I found it in the tech shop a few mins later.
thing is, I'm not sure how long it was missing, since I'm not sure when they took it.

and today... I put my boot under the table right alongside my cpu...
I didn't notice any of them reaching under the table... and I didn't notice any of them leaving the room...
but my boot's missing again.
has been for about 2 hours.
and again I'm not sure when they took it.

/me grr

::: posted by tinafish at 2:02 PM :::

emacs are pretty

I've been at work since 08, and I'm not exactly stoked to be here.
it's been a pretty slow morning, but omg I'd rather be in bed.
when I got home last night I couldn't sleep... 'till right about the time my alarm went off.
/me grr
and I had a dream about slave... woke up to an email from him... I'm starting to wonder if he knows I'm dreaming about him or something, 'cause every time I dream about him I get an email from him. if that's all it takes, I've ~got~ to find a way to focus my dreams.

javi-er came over last night, but instead of playing video games we went my lus's to give him my cable modem.
we ended up chilling there for... 4 hours, maybe? I hadn't realized it was that long, but yeah... I guess it was.
I had a good time, as always... we watched some south park, some pimp my ride, a bit of matlock...

the anarchist hippie (funny how I just flip from calling him javi-er to now calling him the anarchist hippie, but oh well) is walking a thin line with me atm; he's talking about possibly getting a mac.
'course he's asked a question and run off... so I dunno what he's doing now....
but I'm like... stoked, ya'll. seriously.
I love apple and almost all apple products. actually atm I can't think of an apple product I hate... but I'm sure there's at least a few things I don't like that I'd think up if I wasn't in such a daze.

I've been wanting to update my personal ad - to make it a bit more me and not so... plain.
more like milkdud's personal ad, which I absolutely love 'cause it's all so true.
think I may c&v a chunk from my about page or something...

::: posted by tinafish at 11:26 AM :::

Saturday, July 09, 2005 :::

I should've looked for myself

one of dirty dan's favorite sites is ebaum's world... before he and I lived together I never paid too much attn to it, since most of the stuff on there is crap.
a while back milkdud and I were looking for a certain vid... and he showed me this:
she frickin' blocked me
it's great, yall.

oh and guess what!
I just found that roflcopter vid I'd spent such a long time looking for... and by looking I mean telling other people to look for me...
/me cough cough

::: posted by tinafish at 2:07 PM :::

my awesome grape prowess

last night was the first friday in about 3 months that the anarchist hippie and I haven't gone out for tacos.
it was the last day my niece and nephew were gonna be in town, and as much as I love tacos.... I really wanted to hang out with them again before they left.

my sister's housesitting for our friend marleen, so I headed over to marleen's after work yesterday.
I had a really awesome time with the kids. my sis had worked thursday night, so pretty much as soon as I got there she went to bed.
so the kids and I were channel surfing... saw the tail end of torque... and then I saw that stargate atlantis was on.
so I manhandled the remote from sandra... and switched it on. we caught the last half hour or so of an episode I'd never seen, and the kids fussed pretty much the whole time. apparently, they think scifi is for nerds (the little jer-ks).
however... we were eating grapes, and I'm surprisingly accurate when throwing a grape over 5 ft. I managed to hit my nephew several times in the face, and I actually hit my nieces forehead more than once (on purpose, no less).
now here's the really awesome part - apprently scifi was showing the whole season on one day. after the second episode we watched, and a helluva lot explaining, the kids actually wanted to keep watching. so all in all we watched 6 episodes of atlantis, and they actually enjoyed it. we all had a really good time throwing grapes, hitting each other with this golf club, eating obscene amts of ice cream, talking trash about our tekken & soul cal skills, and playing with Walter.
after atlantis was over (the seventh episode that came on was one we'd already watched... they started repeating 'em) we watched an episode of csi, then the three of us managed to finally wake my sis up (we were all hungry, and there's only so much ice cream you can eat).
oh and funny story - one of the bathroom's was out of toilet paper, so we were all using the master bathroom.. and my sis was asleep in the master bedroom.... so I go in there and kinda flick her ear, and she kinda brushes at her ear... so I flick her ear again and she brushes at her ear again and half rolls over... this time I crouch down next to the bed and flick her ear just a tad bit harder and she half sits up and flings her arm out and says, all pissed off, "stop it cassie!" by this time I'm rolling around laughing and then continue to the bathroom... when I get back to the living room I recount the story to the kids and we all have a good laugh about it.
so once we managed to wake her up for good she and the kids went to grab their suitcases and a couple of pizzas and a couple of burgers. pabs and I had a pizza each, and my sis and sandra had burgers...
by the time they get back I'd found st:tng and was thoroughly enjoying watching it. the kids made fun of me for being a wil wheaton fan girl... and we all watched a couple of episodes.
by that time it was 0100 and I'd been up since before sunrise... so I went home and went to bed.

I had a really good time... and I'm stoked the kids like atlantis.
they're awesome and all... only the little asses are still giving me shit about breaking that pot at walmart that one night.
and apparently I've inherited walter.
I'd have liked to see 'em off, but I had to come to work instead. plus, I have no idea where the airport here is.
and I hate saying goodbye anyway.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:13 AM :::

Friday, July 08, 2005 :::

ok seriously

when I get home today I am going to take all sorts of screenshots.
'cause it matters to me!
and I'm gonna put them all in a subdomain called... called...
well something very witty, I promise!

oh and just so we're clear on this... the header image I use in /photos/ was made by gizmo.
him and his 1337 photoshop skillz.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:21 PM :::

guess my geek factor wasn't up to par

I went out with milkdud and one of his friends last night... we went to copper caboose to play ddr.

now let me tell you, more than once I've seen some d00d playing at the arcade, but I've never actually done it.
it seems pretty dumb.
but uh... it's a lot harder to play than I thought.
like... seriously. I sucked ass. hard.

went home about midnight... jacked around a bit but made it to bed before 02...
storm woke me (again!) at ~ 0600 (again!!), so I got up and showered... and as soon as I stepped out of the tub the power went out.

work has been really hectic. absurdly hectic.
and I got to work with jeremy earlier... he's a helluva crazy kid.
now I'm just biding my time for a few hours 'till I get to go home... gonna hang out with the kids for the rest of the day, since they leave tomorrow.
wish I had a camera to take pics of 'em... it's crazy how fast they grow up.

::: posted by tinafish at 10:23 AM :::

Thursday, July 07, 2005 :::

he wasn't always evil

ok so like... my macworld got here today... and I was all reading the feedback stuff that they've got... and some people are really adamant about their im clients.
my personal favorite, adium, didn't get too swell of a review...
and here's what this one adium fan said:

"I've used all the IM clients you reviewed (except for Defaultware's Proteus) and think that Adam Iser's AdiumX deserves more credit than you gave it. No, you can't have AV chats with it, but there isn't much else it can't do. I'd rather use a program with everything a Mac user could want than one with extra bells and whistles."

adiums's a free prog, and always in development... think with this latest release we're ~finally~ able to block people now, w/out having to switch to the native app... it can't do a/v, but I'm not much for either unless it's rob... it wigs out with file transfers from yahoo, but it handle's msn transfers well enough... overall I like it.
I've used aim, ichat, msn, yahoo, fire, adium, and proteus before. I think the aim for macs is crap; disgusting to look at. ichat is beautiful to look at, but wigs out if you send too many messages too quickly. msn is ok... I'm not particularly fond of it, though. yahoo for mac is officially 10 thousand years old and has not been updated since then, I swear. I use it to cam w/ rob, but that's about it. back when I used fire it wasn't being supported by it's developers, but it looks like that's changed, so I'll hafta check it out again. proteus is the multiprotocol mssngr david chose... it seemed nice enough... I had the trial version but when it expired I didn't purchase it.
thing is, they didn't even review skype or gizmo. I've used skype before, and it handles audio and cross platform transfers awesomely, supposedly with plugins for video... I've never used gizmo, but I hear it's worth dloading - with free voicemail (you hafta pay for vm on skype). I just really feel like skype and gizmo are heading in the right direction... and that's what these others ought to be aiming for.
so that's my spiel on im clients for macs.

per milky dud:
Work it out on tha floor, work it out on tha floor!
Who's laughin' now, beeeotch, huh, huh?
"And in other news, Voltron got totally served!"

::: posted by tinafish at 5:52 PM :::

held me up on such a breakable string

this line is so thin, btwn love and hate.
it's done.

I wonder sometimes...
it would have been so much easier to just block him off months ago...
but you know, I'm on really good terms with almost every guy I've ever dated...
that's something I'm really proud of.
but with doke... it's harder than with anyone else.
what I wonder is... if this was my self-assigned penance.
and I wonder if it's worse or better than just flogging myself.

lately more and more I've been wanting to get in a fight...
fist/bar fight - you know what I'm talking about.
I still haven't been able to decide what I find more attractive...
finally venting my frustrations...
or being beaten for them.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:06 PM :::

prisoner of what you say

doke was supposed to be here an hour ago.
/me sigh

so instead of going over to my sis's this morning like I had planned, I'm sitting here chatting with the jaded idealist and working on a pic of devil jin.
oh and doing laundry too.

I'm nervous.
hope everything works out.

::: posted by tinafish at 9:57 AM :::

Wednesday, July 06, 2005 :::

but I, being poor, have only my dreams

lus and I went out last night... funny story about what happened at that party I didn't go to this past weekend.
seems I've missed the last couple of significant things that've happened in lus's life...
but we went out last night and had an awesome time!
seriously... I haven't had this much fun in quite a while.

we talked about stuff... about him being more forgiving and about how I should be less forgiving.
seems lus is always encouraging me to cut people off, and I'm always encouraging him to give people another chance.
think it's time I gave his philosophy a shot.

I talked to my apt manager today... he's typing up the release and renewal thing so it can be just me on my lease... and that'll take care of syngenis... and I talked to lp&l earlier, getting that switched over to my name.
so all that's left is to get doke his cds and get him released from the lease.

/me sigh

::: posted by tinafish at 4:29 PM :::

he was the victim of a farming accident...

so like... lus doesn't really like me talking about him on here...
but this is too good to pass up.

back a few months ago lus and I took a cab from the depot district back to either the pour house or my truck... and we had a ~psycho~ cabbie.
guess who we saw at ihop tonight?
the physcho cabbie
I was supposed to go to a party with lus this past saturday... didn't make it due to my heavy sleeping...
apparently he was in a farming accident...

so we call a cab from ihop... and we see one pull up... and we hafta hobble over 'cause the cabbie's parked about as far away from the door as he could... and lus recognizes him as the psycho cabbie...
only we find out that this cabbie's waiting on a certain fare...
and it's drizzling and we're all wet and lus is limping... and this cabbie's crazy (literally, I promise)...
and after he explains that he's waiting on a certain chick Lus kinda points into his face and says, "now look here you crazy son of a gun..."
and I about freak out 'cause like... the cabbie... he nearly bolts out of his door all pissed off and such...
lus and I are laughing so hard it's hard for lus to mutter "just jokes calm down."
I dunno what we'd have done if the psycho cabbie hadn't calmed down so quickly...
guess lus would've been in another farming accident.

so here's a tip: don't call crazy people crazy. apparently they don't like it.... and it could lead you, too, to be the victim of a tragic farming accident.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:47 AM :::

Tuesday, July 05, 2005 :::

friends or lovers

it's been proven that I can't do both.

so like... I was chatting with the jaded idealist this morning... actually got to talk to him for a few hours.
and like... I knew he was divorced... but I had failed to notice that he's got kids. 2 of them.
now that puts a whole different spin on the deal, doesn't it?
like... I don't think he's just looking for someone to pass the time with.
he said the same thing about me.

I dunno... the more I talk to him...
he seems like a really cool guy.
just a lot older than me. now more than ever.
and lot less jaded... and a lot more like a hippie.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:10 PM :::

Monday, July 04, 2005 :::

free food is never a bad thing

so I went to the hospital last night, just expecting to mooch off some free coffee...
turns out they were having some sort of party.
I had a couple of root beer floats, some pie and some cake, lots of grapes... and some ice cream.
I had a really good time... only... I feel like a traitor.

my sis let my niece buy the new 50 cent album. my niece told me this sometime last week... and I kinda scolded her for even wanting that album, but whatever - they're not my kids, ya know?
so I talked to my sis last night about it... pulled up lyrics for one of 50 cent's songs...
I don't know anything about his subject matter, but he sure curses a lot.
don't get me wrong - I listen to music with swearing in it, and I do my share too...
I just don't think my 14 year old niece or my 11 year old nephew need to be listening to such vulgar music.

when I was 14 (yes I know, it was almost 10 years ago) I had just started high school...
I remember telling someone to "shut up" and thinking God was going to strike me down.
I don't expect sandra (my niece) to make the same decisions I did, but one thing I've always felt - you've got to expect a certain level of respect from everyone... and using language that crude around someone you respect is unacceptable.

in the end it's my sister's choice; what she allows her children to watch and listen to are not my concern.
just what kills me - when I asked her what she was thinking she said she "didn't know" that it was that bad.
I think parents in general need to pay more attention to their kids and what their kids are doing.
I know it's easy for me to say it... especially since I don't have any kids... but I really don't think it's too much trouble to check to see if an albums got "parental advisory" or "explicit lyrics" on it.
it's just so annoying that she wipes it away with a simple "I didn't know." maybe she ought to look twice, because they're her children and I know it's not realistic to expect them to make the same choices I did.
I'm not saying they're bad kids... by the grace of God I didn't get picked on or made fun of in jr high or high school... but it's tough being a kid and wanting to fit in.
and I'm sure it's tough being a parent too.
remind me to take her out for mother's day.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:35 PM :::

/me blink

so I slept for the better part of 24 hours...
watched a couple of movies...
had a lot of ice cream...
played some tekken with the anarchist hippie...
and now I'm incredibly bored.
think I'm gonna shower the head to the hospital for a few hours - free coffee is always a good thing.

::: posted by tinafish at 2:33 AM :::

Sunday, July 03, 2005 :::

surfacing aggressions

I had quite a few plans for this afternoon... none of which happened because I fell asleep right after work.
and slept and slept and slept until just now.
and I've had some weird dreams.

in one of them, I was some sort of assassin and I was going around breaking people's necks. and I was having to be really sneaky about it 'cause the jaded idealist was with me and it's kind of highly irregular to be going around killing people.
one thing I've always found interesting is how easy bones break... takes no effort at all.
and it was like this in my dreams. just a quick snap and they were dead.

then I had this dream... guess I was planning on getting killed or something... no wait - for whatever reason my mother and david were both trying to kill me.
but I'd found all this weed and had arranged to be cremated while all the weed got put into my coffin...
and I left instructions to doke, of all people. for him to dig up my coffin and enjoy the weed.
it was this big scandal too, 'cause no one knew about it... and I think david was trying to kill me 'cause I'd stolen it from him.

and this other dream I had... my parents were arranging something... some kind of performance for me...
and there was some application or something they had filled out for me... I remember throwing a fit because they'd arranged for BoB to be my dance partner. and no offense to the guy, but his dancing skills are about as good as his skills at being nice to my friends.

the only other dream I can remember... I was sitting in a field of some sort, kinda just sitting on this wooden post in a fence that stretched across... and I was there with justin and we were talking... not sure about what...
something he said made me angry or something... and the weather was a reflection of my emotions...
went from sunny and warm to cold, dark, rain, and tornadoes.
not sure what was happening, but I left him there in the storm.

so I dunno what any of this means...
but it does kinda worry me.
think I'm gonna have some food then go back to sleep... hopefully with no weird dreams.

::: posted by tinafish at 12:34 AM :::

Saturday, July 02, 2005 :::

he's cute!

milkdud is my bitch

::: posted by tinafish at 4:25 AM :::

oxymorons can be attractive

I've been cleaning up my hard drive, moving things to my external and deleting stuff I don't need... I decide to hit up my mail, and as I'm going through deleting stuff I happen upon an email from my work acct.
it's a conv I had with this guy I've been talking to... happened while I was at work, and I guess I wanted to chew on some of the stuff we talked about.

he seems really cool, like... the couple of times I've had more than a 15 minute conv with him, anyway. the rest of the time I talk to him for a few mins before he runs off to to the hospital... kinda flattering that he bothers to message me while getting ready for work.
/me shrug
anyhow... I decided to read it, since like I said - there was probably something I wanted to chew on.
and I was right.

it's a few mins of idle chatter then, out of nowhere, he asks me if I have a fear of failing because of [insert his reason here]...
so then we talk a bit about stuff that matters to me... and then he goes into this rant when I asked him to tell me about himself.
thing is... and this is the great part... he sounds like a jaded idealist.
think that's what I'll call him on here, assuming he and I keep talking.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:42 AM :::

Friday, July 01, 2005 :::

wow I'm a poon

my friend chris hall is getting married tomorrow.
I had planned on going to dallas for the wedding, but I am so low on cash there's no way I'd be able to.
**sorry chris. hope you have a good time!**
and because of this wedding apparently I had requested today, tomorrow, and monday off from work.
and guess what? gizmo gave me the days off.

now guess where I am right now?
if you guessed I'm at work - you're right!
I completely forgot I'd requested today off.

on a lighter note, at least I get monday off. this'll be my first two day weekend in aaaaaages.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:07 PM :::

don't hold on to me

I'm a big hypocrit, ya'll.
like... it used to kinda piss me off that doke would throw a fit based on what he read on here...

I used to read doke's blog 'cause he cares about me.
if I had a shit day or just wanted to hear something nice about me, I'd read up on what he'd been thinking about.
now true, it wasn't always nice, but it was never so bad.
what he's got up now... it's a stab in the heart.

mike, however, has a simple solution.
one that I've suggested to others.
if I don't like what I'm reading, I can just close the window and stop reading it.
novel idea, eh?

I had kid gloves on the whole time, but somehow I still managed to screw things up.
more than once I've admitted that sensitivity is not my forte, and drama has never been something I welcome.
/me sigh

so I guess I should take my own advice, eh?
I'll just stop reading.

::: posted by tinafish at 4:19 AM :::

more than just a level up

we finished tmnt tonight.
on our first try.
the anarchist hippie thinks it's got something to do with channeling our anger after losing so many times, and just not wanting to put up with it anymore.
shredder is surprisingly easy to beat - the elite ninja is by far the hardest opponent in the game.

since we finished tmnt we decided to try and work on one of my 27 things.
so we whipped out the old tekken 5 and had a go. we beat story mode with 4 more characters, so that's 17 out of 31.
and we lost to jinpachi purposely so we could get his ending unlocked....
just 14 more characters and the game'll be completely unlocked... course there's still the matter of all the customizations to buy... and that stupid devil within game.

I'll be heading to bed soon - even though it's absurdly early usually I pull all nighters on fridays for work saturday - and it'd be nice to not drag ass for once.

::: posted by tinafish at 3:02 AM :::